Ringo Starr speaks out about 7th Beatle, Billy Moore.

(Left) Ringo Starr (Right) Billy Moore

The National Reporter

Two years after The National Reporter  Investigated the claims of Billy Moore who insists he was the Beatles accordion  player during their early years,  we were invited to meet with former Beatle Ringo Starr to hear his side of the story.

The National Reporter interviews 7th Beatle, Billy Moore

The National Reporter – Hello Mister Starr, it is an honor to meet you.
Ringo Starr- Hello Mister Flashman,  I have been an avid fan of your splendid web news service since it began a few years ago and it is an honor to become a part of The National Reporter family.
The National Reporter – Thank you, we interviewed your former band mate Paul McCartney two years ago.
Ringo Starr- I know, Paul phoned me immediately after his interview with you.
He was all excited and talking a mile a minute about being in a story that was to be featured in The National Reporter.
I didn’t believe him at first,  but he kept talking excitedly about how he met Ace Flashman from  The National Reporter and he was just at his house in person.
He was carrying on and on about how he had been interviewed by a news service that had won awards for excellence in journalism, so I had to believe he was telling the truth.
The National Reporter –Yes, we have won the International Reporters Association award for Honesty, Integrity and Truth a third time since we interviewed Paul.
Ringo Starr- – That is very impressive, very impressive indeed.
The National Reporter –– Of course it is very difficult to win such an award.
We have to sift through thousands of stories each week separating true stories from made up stories.
You would be appalled at the completely silly made up stories we receive.
We pride our selves on our truthfulness and we would never ever post a made up silly story on this site, especially within view of our three IRA awards.
Ringo Starr- – That is why your news site is so reliable.
If it’s in The National Reporter you can trust the truth and integrity of the story.
The National Reporter –– That’s true.
Ringo Starr- -And I wouldn’t say it if I in any way doubted the validity of the The National Reporter.
The National Reporter –– Of course you wouldn’t.

The National Reporter –– Now Mister Starr, as you know we have already spoken to Paul McCartney about Billy Moore and his claim to have been a member of the Beatles.
What do you know about him?
Ringo Starr- – He was daft, a real kook. He used to shadow us where ever we went.
He was already irritating Pete Best before I joined the Beatles.
He would climb on stage and stand between him and his drums blocking his access to the whole right side of his drum kit while playing his accordion.
He was a real pest.
I remember when The Beatles were playing in Germany one night and out of nowhere Billy popped up on stage from behind Pete and got between him and his drums and he bumped into him ruining his piece.
Pete took his drum stick and jammed it into his leg as hard as he could.
Billy immediately dropped his accordion and fell face first onto his drum kit.
The guys stopped playing and turned around with shocked looks on their faces.
A second later two bouncers jumped on staged and dragged him off.
That was the last time we saw him until we got back to Liverpool and we were playing at the Cavern club.
The National Reporter –– How did this all begin with him, why did he think he was one of the Beatles?
Ringo Starr –– That was kind of Johns fault.
I was still with Rory at the time and I was in a club sitting at a table when John and Paul came in to ask me if I wanted to join the Beatles.
Billy Moore was walking around the tables playing his accordion.
I remember the agonized looks on John and Paul’s faces when they saw who it was.
I could hear Paul groaning something that sounded like, “Oh no,.. it’s the accordion ass hole who wants to join the band.”
Just as I began talking to them, Billy Moore came over and started playing his accordion.
They were trying to talk to me but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
Finally John shouted over his accordion,”We want you to join the Beatles.”
As soon as he said that, Billy’s face lit up with a big smile.
He thought John was asking him to join the Beatles.
The National Reporter –– So it was a mistake?
Ringo Starr- – Yes, he really thought John was talking to him.
None of us were aware of the mistake until he began showing up at our gigs expecting to play.
The National Reporter –– Didn’t anyone explain to him that it was a mistake and he wasn’t in the band?
Ringo Starr- – Every time he showed up we would tell him he wasn’t in the band.
Brian told him over and over.
Every time he showed up he would have security toss him out.
He was arrested a few times then he just stopped coming around.
The last I heard he was going around telling everyone that he wrote all our songs and we stole them from him.
Then I heard he was trying to sneak back stage at one of the Rolling Stones gigs.
The National Reporter –– How long did he stalk them?
Ringo Starr- – Not long. By the time he began pestering them they were already big enough to have a strong security presence back stage and he couldn’t get past them.
The National Reporter –– well, Thank you Mister Starr.
I am sure our readers will be interested learning about this small bit of unknown history of the Beatles.
Ringo Starr- – It is an honor having the opportunity to share this story in The National Reporter with all of your esteemed readers.

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Prehistoric man may have lived like the Flintstones

Prehistoric homes like this may have been a reality in days gone by.

The National Reporter
Archeologists in New Mexico have discovered startling evidence that our prehistoric ancestors may have been more advanced than we previously assumed.
While working on a typical dig in New Mexico, Dr. Jacob Turner from the university of Nebraska uncovered what appears to be a stone wheel that may have been used to cart human beings around in a primitive form of automobile very similar to the automobiles that were used by the Flintsones on the popular Hanna Barbera cartoon show.

Dr.Jacob Turner is shown here with his famou s”Flintstone” wheel close to where it was uncovered.

“I have little doubt that this stone wheel was used to transport primitive people around much in the same way the Flintstones were portrayed in the popular cartoon series.” Dr. Turner told The National Reporter.
“I agree.” His colleague Dr. Femmer added. “We have suspected that prehistoric man was more advanced than previously thought. This is evidenced by the discovery of the monolith in Belize south America a few years ago in the Yucatan peninsula.”

prehistoric monolith discovered in Belize

The National Reporter “Wasn’t there some type of dwelling found around here that was very similar to the Flintstone house?”
“Yes there was, Dr. Turner said. “It was found two miles from our present location in the late 1950’s and may have been the inspiration for the cartoon series.”

Was this prehistoric dwelling the inspiration for the Flintstones cartoon show?

The National Reporter “So what you are saying is the creators of the Flintstones may have borrowed the idea from actual prehistoric artifacts?”
“That is correct.”
The National Reporter “Do you think this discovery will have any effect on how the public views the television series now that it has been established to have been factual?”
“I don’t know.” Dr. Turner replied.
The National Reporter will keep our readers updated on any new developments as this story unfolds.

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Gang that plants drugs on innocent people busted!

Members of the notorious wedgie gang are seen here being led into court to be indicted.

The National Reporter
How many times have you watched a television police show and seen someone getting stopped for having drugs in their car?
And how many times have they said something similar to this in their defense?
“But officer, when I was stopped for the traffic light down the street a bunch of guys came up to my car and asked me for directions. They must have tossed those bags of crack in my car,..and that gun too!”
“Sure they did,” the smiling cop says. “Now get on the ground,..STOP RESISTING, STOP RESISTING! TAZER TAZER!!”
ZaaaaAAAAPPP!!!! LOL!

Last week after a five year investigation into gang activity, the FBI arrested several members of a street gang known as the Wedgies.
They call themselves the Wedgies because of their bizarre gang requirement of wearing women’s thong panties tightly drawn up between the cheeks of their buttocks, commonly known as a wedgie.
“We had noticed that quite a few people who were being arrested for drug possession in their cars were claiming in their defense that gangsters had tossed drugs, guns and stolen property into their cars while they were stopped at traffic lights.”Special agent Trent Lockwell told The National Reporter.
“We then conducted an investigation that took almost five years to complete and what we discovered was quite shocking.
This gang of thugs who call themselves the Wedgies would lie in wait for an innocent motorist to stop at a traffic light.
As soon as they had a victim in their sights, they would approach him or her and ask for directions, which is kind of suspicious to begin with.
Being that they were on foot it would seem obvious that they were in their own neighborhood, so why would they be asking people for directions?”
The National Reporter Yes, that does seem a bit odd.
“When they had the persons attention one of the gang members would sneak around to the other side of the car and toss in drugs, guns or something they had stolen in a burglary like a DVD player or a camera. They would make sure that the stolen item had a serial number on it and that the victim had reported it stolen prior to them planting it.
This way the unsuspecting person whose car they tossed it in will be charged with possession of stolen property and perhaps even the burglary.”
The National Reporter Do yu have any idea why they did this?
“Sure, they were bored.”

Members of the Wedgie street gang being arrested during the FBI sweep.

These Wedgies aren’t acting so tough now with their women’s thong panties wedged up their rear ends.
They are on their way to jail for a very long time.

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Interview with a corpse. Contacting the ghost of John Wayne Gacy

The National Reporter
After receiving several reports of unearthly voices coming from the death chamber where John Waybe Gacy was put to death, The National Reporter went to Stateville prison to investigate the paranormal activitys taking place.
What we discovered is shocking and not for the faint of heart.
View this terrifying video at your own risk!

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Ancient Martian building may have been a brothel

Ancient martian building first photographed in 1987 may have been used as a house of ill repute millions of years ago by Martians.

 

The National Reporter
The famous ruins that were first discovered and photographed on Mars way back in 1987 may reveal some clues to the nature of the civilisation that built it.
Scientific data accumulated from the photographs and from recent discoverys indicate that the building was in the center of Martian activity much in the same way that brothels dominated frontier boom towns in the U.S.
It has been suggested that ancient Martians worked as miners in the nearby mountains and they may have spent their earnings in the local house of prostitution just like miners did on Earth in the 1800’s.
“They were very much like us.” Doctor George Westly of The National Institute of ancient studies told us.
“The ancient Martian men would go to work in the nearby mountains toiling underground for hours on end and at the end of the week they would reward themselves with a trip to the local bawdy house just like their human counterparts on Earth.”
Although Dr.Westlys theory has attracted the attention of a public eager to delve into what could be a lascivious past of the long extinct Martian race, it has also drawn quite a bit of criticism from the scientific community.
“Westly is an idiot, plain and simple.” Professor Alex Cantone huffed. “A martian whorehouse? Bah,..rubbish!” 

Close up of the suspected den of iniquity nestled in the hills of the Martian landscape.

 

Dr.Westly has defended his Martian bordello theory at several scientific seminars across the globe in recent months.
“I don’t understand why my colleagues are having such a hard time believing the truth about the ancient Martians.” He told us. “I don’t understand why they can’t just accept the fact that these were ordinary people with ordinary needs just like us.
Why do they have to embrace the silly image of Martians being super intelligent and advanced?
People who think that way have watched way too many science fiction movies.” 

For now the Martian cat house theory is still being discussed within scientific circles but not taken seriously, much to the dismay of Dr. Westly.
“I will take this to the public and present all of my evidence that this was a brothel.” he said. “The truth will not be denied and I will show the world.” 

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Censors move at light speed to remove UFO from Google Earth

 

Strange disc shaped object on the ground in a remote area of Canada

The National Reporter
Google Earth has once again been caught removing the image of a suspected UFO from their famous mapping program.
In the photograph above, a disc shaped object is clearly seen on the ground in this isolated region of Canada.

A second photograph of the landing site was taken a day later and quickly used to replace the original image.

The suspected UFO in the photograph above was in Google Earths data base on April 14 when it was first spotted by a North Carolina man who immediatly posted it on the internet.
The image was quickly removed within 24 hours of his discovery by Google Earths special censorship team.
The area in question can be viewed by typing these coordinates into Google Earths search window.
54 12’56.76N    106 00’52.12″W

If anyone doubts that Google Earth has removed the image and replaced it with one showing no UFO, you can see it for yourself.

UFO’s have become such a problem for Google Earth that they had to assemble a special censorship team who’s sole purpose is to scan all the new images for any signs of extra-terrestrial space craft.
In the past, actual UFO images have appeared on Google Earth much to the dismay of certain government agencys which because of national security, The National Reporter is forbidden to name.
Google Earths censorship team has also been instrumental in debunking other alleged images of UFO’s that turned out to be common objects such as round buildings and radio antennas.

Top: an unidentified flying object that was quickly removed by Google Earth.Bottom: What appears to be a classical flying saucer is nothing more than a round pump building in Romania.

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Sadistic zoo angers animal rights groups

Bob's Teasing zoo has become a topic of outrage and concern among animal rights activists

The National Reporter
Animal rights groups in Portland Oregon are steaming mad over a new zoo that recently opened in the downtown district.
It is a zoo where visitors can tease, harass and even cause pain to innocent animals.
“What the hell kind of place is this where young children are handed slingshots and told to shoot animals?” Peta activist Clarg Romwell said in disgust.
The National Reporter – Are you saying the zoo officials allow people to shoot their animals with slingshots?
“Allow them?” He grunted. “They give them the slingshots and then the kids tip toe out behind a park ‘hunting guide’ to shoot unsuspecting animals.  When the animal runs off in pain, the park’s ‘hunting guide” has a big laugh with the kids. It’s sickening.”

A park guide and his youthful gang of hunters sneaking up behind this unsuspecting baby elephant with slingshots.

The National Reporter  walked around the park to investigate the cruel and bizarre goings on at this zoo.
What we found was quite disturbing.
In front of the monkey cages was the usual vending machines where you put in a dime and a handful of peanuts drop out for visitors to toss to the monkeys.
But at this zoo, the peanuts have a long string attached to them so the visitors can pull the treats away from the monkeys before they reach them.
Some of the more sadistic visitors wait until the monkeys have eaten them so they can pull them out of their mouths and then watch them chase them around the cage.
The National Reporter  was on hand to witness some of the  sadistic bastards laughing their fool heads off at this mean game.

In the aquarium section there is a big glass tank with several large fish swimming around inside of it.
I watched as a group of children banged on the glass while laughing at a poor fish swimming in circles apparently trying to get away from the painful vibrations their pounding was causing in the water.
I was going to tell them to stop when I saw the sign painted on the glass encouraging visitors to bang on the glass.

The poor fish had nowhere to escape the painful vibrations the children where causing by banging their fists against the aquarium glass.

I walked over to the alligator pit and watched in horror as young children played “wake up Wally” under the supervision of a zoo official.
What they did was tie an M-80 firecracker to a long stick, lite it and then dangle it over the head of a sleeping alligator.
When the large deafening fire cracker exploded, the poor alligator leaped into the air and scrambled into the water with all the other startled alligators.
I have no doubt in my mind that the poor thing was totally deaf from all the times it had been subjected to this cruel trick and was reacting to the percussion of the big firework.

This poor aligator is about to get a wake up call from the sadistic bastards who run this zoo.

I couldn’t stay there and listen to the laughter coming from the zoo officials and the children  any longer.
I walked over to the big cat area figuring no one would dare mess with them because cats don’t take to kindly to humans doing mean things to them.
Naturally I was wrong.
In front of the Tiger compound there was a booth full of water pistols with a big sign that read, ‘Shoot the Tiger in the ass with turpentine.’
For a small fee of five dollars, guests were handed a squirt gun and told to shoot the unsuspecting Tiger in the anus with the harsh burning solvent.
I could just imagine how excruciatingly painful it must have been for the poor Tiger.
As I stood there in total disbelief by what I was seeing, a young girl around 21 years old walked up and handed the booth attendant five dollars and picked up a green squirt gun.
She and her snickering date then walked over to the fence to wait for a Tiger to walk by.
A second later, a Tiger (who seemed to have been forced from his hiding place) walked out onto the path in front of the young lady.
She raised her squirt gun and waited patiently for him to walk past her so she could get a good clean shot at his tender hind quarters.
As soon as the target was in full view, she squeezed the trigger and unleashed a long stream of turpentine that struck the poor Tiger directly in his anus.

Wait for it,..wait for it,..This cruel game was one of the more sadistic attractions at the teasing zoo.

The Poor Tiger screeched at the top of his lungs and leaped six feet into the air, then dragging his burning rear end on the ground made his way back to its hiding place behind the shrubbery.
The young lady and her date were in hysterics.
The National Reporter – Do you think its fun to cause a poor defenseless animal pain like that?
“Are you talking to us?” Her date asked.
The National Reporter  -Yes I am.
“What are you,..one of those animal right’s whack jobs?”
The young girl giggled at her dates remark.
The National Reporter – No,.I’m a reporter for The National Reporter.
“Wow,..The National Reporter?” he said. “The same National Reporter that prides itself on the fact that each and every news story they cover has the world famous and highly respected seal of honesty from the International Reporters Association?”

The National Reporter – Yes, it is extremely cruel to animals and you two should leave and never come back here.
“If The National Reporter says this is wrong then it must be. We’ll leave right now and never come back here to this awful place!” they said.
I watched as they quickly made their way to the parking lot and left without looking back.
I only hoped that I could reach other visitors and show them how sick and depraved this zoo was.
I made my way over to the hippo pond and watched as a very large and seemingly happy hippo splashed around in the hot afternoon sun enjoying the cool water.
“How could anyone want to do anything cruel to this animal?” I thought to myself.
Then I saw it.
A booth about fifty feet away with a line of excited kids standing in front of it.
“Oh dear lord, what kind of cruel act are these kids paying to perform on this gentile beast?” I said out loud.
An old gray haired woman with no teeth looked up at me as she hobbled past me on her old aluminum cane that was wrapped in gray duct tape around the bottom.
No doubt the length adjuster was broken and this was the only way she could fix it without breaking out her coin purse and freeing all the tiny cartoon moths within.
She muttered something under her breath, I wasn’t sure what it was but it sounded like, “Move,..your standing in the way!”
undeterred by the miserable old cow, I made my way over to the booth to see what kid of deranged act of cruelty could be had for a few measly dollars.
What I saw was shocking.
For ten dollars a guest could push a button and zap the hippo with 100 thousand volts of electricity.
It was guaranteed to knock the poor animal out cold for at least a full minute and you could laugh your fool head off watching him spasm uncontrollably in the water.

Go on Timmy, push the button for some laughs!

I watch a young lad around ten years old hand the attendant ten dollars and he opened  the gate for him.
The kid walked up to a the zapper button and stood in front of  it for a few seconds.
He seemed kind of apprehensive about pushing the button.
Perhaps he was feeling a little sorry for the hippo, after all the hippo didn’t do anything to him.
Why would he want to zap the hippo with 100 thousand volts of electricity?
I walked over to the little boy and smiled.
“That’s it son, do the right thing.” I said.
He looked up at me, smiled and nodded his head.
Then he and slammed his little palm against the button sending 100 thousand volts of electricity into the pond.
The hippo jerked wildly as it slowly rolled over in the water with its legs spasming and flailing the air.
The entire surface of the water rippled violently from the high voltage coursing through it.
A second later the little boy was mobbed by his little friends who patted him on the back with shouts of “Good F—ing job!” and “Dude,..you zapped that Mother F—ing bastard good!”
Then his father came over and with a big proud grin and said,”What do you say champ,.want to go celebrate with some F—ing ice cream?”
This reporter just stood there in disbelief for what I had witnessed at this zoo.
The National Reporter supports the closing of this sadistic zoo and encourages our readers to petition for the arrest of the owners.

Click here and sign the pettition to close down this sick twisted hell hole!
Close down Bob’s teasing zoo!

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Blackbeards parrot still alive and talking 292 years after the famed pirates death

Pepe, the 306 year old pet parrot of famed pirate Blackbeard.

The National Reporter
Pepe the parrot, Blackbeard’s companion during his famous exploits on the high seas, is still alive and talking up a storm 292 years after Blackbeard’s death and what he has to say has historians in an up roar.
It was previously believed that Blackbeard was killed during a battle with sailors sent to kill him on orders from Virginas governor, Alexander Spotswood.
But according to Pepe the parrot, this story is not true.
Black beard the pirate was killed in a fight with his life long nemesis, Popette.

Popette the sailing man, Blackbeard's arch nemesis and according to Pepe, the man who killed the famous pirate.

Pepe explained to a crowded room at MIT that the long-standing feud between Blackbeard and Popette began when they were in their early twenties.
They both had a crush on the daughter of Eliza McMurryweather, the local businessman who had made a fortune in the importing business in particular the olive oil trade which was very lucrative in the days preceding the discovery of crude oil.
Olive oil was prefered over whale oil because it was only a fraction of the price and had more uses.
Pepe told the audience that it was during their very first fist fight that Blackbeard suffered an injury that would cause him a great deal of pain for the rest of his life.
He had broken the big toe on his left foot and he foolishly let it go untreated.
As a result, the toe became permanently discolored dark blue.
Popette would mock him when ever their paths crossed by calling him, ‘Blue toe.”

Teresa McMurryweather the daughter of olive oil importer Eliza McMurryweather was the apple of both Blackbeard's and Popette's eye.

When they were in their early thirtys they ran into each other in a saloon in Haiti and immediately got into a brutal fist fight that lasted for nearly an hour.
During the scuffle, Blackbeard stabbed Popette in the face with a dagger which resulted in the loss of his eye.
Because of the persistent pain in his eye socket, Popette began ingesting large quanitys of marijuana .
After years of abusing the drug he developed a drug induced psychosis that made him believe that the marijuana had the ability to give him super strength and added to that the constant exposure to the harsh resins, his vocal chords became severely damaged resulting in his well-known gravely voice.

Blackbeard the pirate, also known as Blue toe because of the discolored big toe he acquired during a fistfight with Popette the sailing man.

Because of his advanced age, Pepe was only able to speak for a short time.
He was returned to his room by his nursing staff and is expected to continue his speaking tour in a few days.
The National Reporter will be on hand when he does.

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Remarkable new strain of marijuana increases intelligence

John Farly is seen here holding his miraculous marijuana

The National Reporter
A Newton Massachusetts man has developed a new type of marijuana that he claims has the power to enhance the intelligence of anyone who smokes it.
John Farly announced his amazing new discovery last summer at the state science fair in Boston.
So far all of his test subjects claim that they have experienced an increase in intelligence after smoking the marijuana.
State drug control officers are keeping a close watch on Mr. Farly in case they decide to arrest him for violating Mass. drug laws.
“I don’t understand why they would want to arrest me.”Mr.Farly told us. “This is a good thing, not a bad thing.”

One of his test subjects, Carlos Beninto, invented and constructed a pair of makeshift wings while he was under going an intelligence boost with the help of John Farlys marijuana.
“I can’t believe how much this marijuana increased my intelligence.” He said “I invented, designed and built the wings within a half hour after smoking Johns amazing new marijuana.”

Carlos Beninto seen here wearing his fantastic flying wings.

John Farly has tried to obtain a U.S. patent for his new strain of marijuana several times, but his request has been turned down on the grounds that it violates U.S. drug laws.
The National Reporter went with Mr. Farly to district court last week to sit in on one of his appeals.
We were surprised when he showed up at the courthouse wearing what he calls his costume of defiance.
“I am wearing this to show my contempt for the government’s refusal to understand the importance of my new marijuana.” He explained. “If they don’t want to deal with John Farly then they can deal with Mr. Greenbean.”

John Farly is seen here entering district court disguised as his alter ego, Mr. Greenbean.

The National Reporter went into the court room with Mr. Farly and as soon as the judge saw him dressed up as Mr.Greenbean he let out a long muffled moan, removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
“Good morning Mr. Farly.” He groaned. “I see we are going to be Mr.Greenbean again today.”
“Mr.Farly? Who is Mr.Farly? I am Mr. Greenbean.” He answered, with a grin.
I could hear people around me in the crowded courtroom whispering, “It’s that pot guy again.”
Others were laughing and taking pictures of him with their cell phones.
John Farly ignored all the comments and the flashing cell phones and remained focused on his case.
As soon as the court officer announced that court was now in session, the judge called Mr. Farly to the bench.
He whispered someting to him, I couldn’t hear what it was.
A second later two baliffs walked over to Mr. Farly and escorted him out of the courtroom.
This reporter met up with him outside.
The National Reporter– What happed Mr. Farl,..I mean Mr. Greenbean?
“The judge said that he wouldn’t allow me to present my case as long as I was being Mr. Greenbean.”
The National Reporter– Well that doesn’t seem fair.
“You’re damned right it isn’t fair.” He said. “There isn’t anything in the constitution that says you can’t wear a costume to court.”
The National Reporter– I believe you are right, Mr. Greenbean. What are you going to do now?
“Well, being that they recognise me as Mr. Greenbean, my next move calls for a different disguise.” He said. “Perhaps I can get their attention wearing my Mr. potatohead costume.
The National Reporter– Good idea, I am sure that will catch their attention.
“Yes,..Mr. Potatoehead,…just what the doctor ordered.” He said.
After that he just sort of floated off and disapeared down the street talking to himself.

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Sleazy tabloid plagiarizes story from The National Reporter!

The Global Tabloids Feb. 10, 2010 is out right theft of The National Reporter's Dec. 7th, 2009 article.

The National Reporter

The lowlife sleazy scum who run The Global Tabloid have once again shown their inability and unwillingness to report the truth with the same honesty and integrity as the dedicated men and women at The National Reporter who work tirelessly to bring our readers the truth.
They have plagiarized our exclusive story about the very first authentic photograph taken of legendary Jersey devil that The National Reporter showed to the world on December 7th, 2009. two months prior to The Global Tabloids theft of our story.

Read the original Story here.
The Jersey devil captured on film!

As soon as The Global Tabloid’s rag hit the stands this morning, our readers began swamping our phones with complaints.
Many of them are experienced lawyers who have offered to sue The Global Tabloid for plagiarism on our behalf, but we had to decline their generous offer.
The National Reporter has a legal staff who are experts on plagiarism cases.
What upset us is the fact that so many people are going to buy The Global tabloid and believe that they were the first news service to break the story.
What really made us angry was the bogus images they used which we will examine right now.

In the first photo which was also used on the cover, we see what is supposed to be the Jersey devil standing in front of an old abandoned house in the woods.
This looks nothing at all like the real Jersey devil, which of course can be proven very easily by comparing it to the genuine photograph taken by Dave Morrison.
Anyone can see that this is an actor wearing a pair of phony bat wings.

Cover photo. Anyone can see that this is obviously an actor.

In the second photograph we see the same actor standing behind a fence in a menacing stance.
This is the photograph that necessitated the disclaimer on the front page warning the readers that it was so frightening that viewing it can make them to throw up.

According to the Global Tabloid's warning, this image is so scary that it can make you throw up.

After close examination of these photographs The National Reporter has concluded without a shadow of a doubt that they are not the Jersey devil, they are fake.
With that in mind, the public has to come to the realisation that there are unscrupulous news agencys out there who will lie, plagiarize and fabricate ridiculous storys for their own selfish reasons.
They don’t care if their storys cause the public to panic, that is not their concern.
Their only concern is how much money they can squeeze out of John Q. Public.
And it isn’t just the seedy news reporters who make this junk up, there are also the every day ordinary people who get involved with them to make money as well.
We decided to track down the actor who played the Jersey devil for The Global Tabloid to find out who he is and why he sold out to that sleeze rag.
It didn’t take us very long thanks to The National Reporters face identification machine.
We scanned the face of the actor in the fake Jersey devil images and within a few minutes the owner of said face was identified.
It was none other than former Happy days star, Henry Winkler.
According to people who know him, this is just the sort of thing that he would do.
Apparently he thought lying to millions of people and helping a sleazy paper like the Global Tabloid would be a fun way to spend his weekend.

Aaaaaayyyy,... the fonz had fun making a few bucks fooling all you idiots who read The Global Tabloid!

And now to show our readers what real reporting is all about, we have for you an exclusive photograph taken by an army private stationed at Fort Dix NJ, which is located inside the pine barrens.
There are only two genuine photographs of the Jersey devil in existance and The National Reporter has been given exclusive rights to both of them.
Don’t fall for any sleazy tabloid who says they have photographs of the Jersey devil.

Photograph of the Jersey devil hiding in the ruins of an old house inside of the pine barrens. This photograph was taken by an Army private from nearby Fort Dix who wishes to remain anonymous.

Fort Dix Army private who took the photograph seen here stealing a television set from recreation hall. His face has been blacked out to protect his identity.

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