July 31, 2016 Leave a comment
After months of tense stand-offs with the United States over the flying penis crisis, the slowly brewing peace process has come to a lurching halt with renewed hostilities in a flurry of screaming and window smashing from the office of Kim Jong Un, North Korea’s permanent tyrannical despot.
After months of diplomatic maneuvering including the exchange of money,prostitutes and weapons courtesy of the Obama administration, it has been revealed to The National Reporter that the U.S. government hasn’t been as effective in dealing with North Korea’s Dear Leaders as one American motorcycle gang.
After learning about the flying penis crisis from reading the exclusive story here in The National Reporter The feared “Asphalt Avengers M.C.” decided to lean on the despot their own way.
Dear Leader, Kim Jong Un spoke to The National Reporter in his usual manner.
We met with him on a cold rainy morning next to the huge wall that was constructed by his grandfather to keep out the decadent Westerners and their enticing products.
The National Reporter – Hello,..Kim Jong Un,..are you there?
We waited for a few minutes for a reply, but there was none.
The National Reporter – Oh great leader who created the heaven and the Earth,..will you speak with us humble peasants?
We waited a few more minutes then a voice called out from the other side of the wall.
Kim Jong Un – Who there,.. What you want?
The National Reporter – Is that you dear leader?
Kim Jong Un – Who want to know,..what you selling?
The National Reporter – We are not trying to sell anything.
We are from the National Reporter. We want to ask you about the recent problem you had with the American motorcycle gang, The Asphalt Avengers.
Kim Jong Un – Those guys mess with wrong guy!
The National Reporter – Yes,..Can you tell us what they did that has angered you so much?
We waited a few minutes as Kim Jong Un spoke to his huddled advisors.
Unfortunately none of us can understand North Korean so everything they were saying was Greek to us.
After a few minutes Kim Jong Un called over to us.
Kim Jong Un – Hey,..you still there?
The National Reporter – Yes,..we are still here. Can you tell us what the Asphalt Avengers did that has made you walk away from the flying penis peace table in a fit of rage?
Kim Jong Un – O.K., I tell you.
It was at this point in our meeting that one of our staff members was able to sneak a peek through a crack in the wall and for brief second he was able to see the tyrannical despot.
He was sitting in a throne carried by several army soldiers.
He was grossly over weight and completely naked except for a yellow rain hat.
He had paused speaking for a few seconds as he stuffed a McDonald’s cheeseburger into his mouth.
Kim Jong Un – Those bastards,..those contemptible bastards!
They vandalized the great golden robot statues of Pyongyang!
The National Reporter – Do you mean the statues of your father and grandfather?
Kim Jong Un – Look what they did!
We waited a few seconds, then we spotted a photograph that was being pushed through a crack in the wall.
After a few seconds it finally fell to the ground on our side.
When we picked it up and saw what it was, we were shocked.
The National Reporter – Are you saying the Asphalt Avengers M.C. erected a huge statue of Micky mouse in between the great golden statues of Pyongyang?
How were they able to do this without anyone seeing them?
Kim Jong Un – How I know? I not know how they did this, they did it and we mad as hell!
The National Reporter – Why don’t you just lift it out with a crane and carry it away?
Kim Jong Un – We no can do. Asphalt Avengers very clever.
You look at photograph we give you.
Right hand of big mouse is welded to grandfather and ear is welded to father.
To make really hard remove, mouse is bolted to concrete with twenty foot long bolts made of titanium. We no have technology to cut titanium.
The National Reporter – Well that sucks.
Kim Jong Un – Yes,..is sucks.
When we got back to the U.S. we contacted the infamous Asphalt Avengers M.C.
They were not repentant for their crimes against the peoples republic of North Korea.
On the contrary, they thought what they did was funny.
We even showed them the photograph given to us by Kim Jong Un himself and they passed it around to their kids.
They were all laughing, it was disgusting.
Hopefully the mass media will continue to keep this vile act blacked out from the public like they have been doing with all the rapes and murders occurring across Europe by the unmentionables.
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