Confirmed by the U.S. parks department; Big foot is a homo!

Big scary monster is a fruit.

The National Reporter
While on a routine flight over the heavily wooded terrain of the pacific north west, park rangers photographed what appears to be the infamous big foot engaging in a lascivious act with another male of his species.
“We couldn’t believe what we were seeing.” Ranger Johnson told us. “I saw him first, the big foot that is, walking along a path.
As I positioned my camera in his direction I noticed that something to his left had caught his attention and he slowed down his pace to look at it. After I snapped the first photograph I turned to see what it was.
It was another male Sasquatch about a hundred feet away bent over with his rear end up in the air.”

The big foot was enticed by the other males rear end as he walked past.

“We circled around for another look and by the time we got back the first big foot was standing right behind the bent over big foot and he was,..um,..you know. pleasuring himself as he gazed at the other bigfoots rear end.”

The bent over big foot was pretending not to notice the amorous Sasquatch behind him.

“It was funny because the bent over big foot was pretending like he didn’t know the other one was behind him, he was just picking at the ground.” Ranger Waller said. “There wasn’t anything there, he was just picking at the ground as an excuse for having his rump up in the air like that.”
“Yeah, and the other one liked what he saw.” Ranger Johnson added.
The National Reporter – What happened next?
“Well,..the one standing behind the bent over one just tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around.” Ranger Waller said.”As soon as he saw that he was,..you know,..in an aroused state, he dropped to his knees and began performing oral sex on him.”

The shamless homo big feet didn't care that the two rangers were circling them in their plane watching what they were doing.

“We circled around them for about fifteen minutes, then we had to leave because we were running low on fuel.” Ranger Waller said.
The National Reporter – Do you think that this is an isolated incident or is it possible that all big feet are gay?
“That’s hard to say.” Ranger Johnson said. “We don’t get to see them as often as we would like. And even when we do see them we are forbidden to tell anyone about it.
As you are probably aware, the department of the interior keeps big foot a closely guarded secret. There are actually thousands of them roaming the forests but we are bound by law to remain silent about their existence because of the non-intervention treaty of 1741.”
The National Reporter – The non-intervention treaty of 1741?
“Yes, the secret treaty that the colonists signed with the leaders of the Sasquatch nation. It’s very simple, we don’t mess with them and they don’t mess with us.”
The National Reporter – so, what you are saying is that this story can’t be shared with the public?
“That’s right.”
The National Reporter – I’ll be sure to keep it under wraps then.
“That would be greatly appreciated.” Ranger Waller said. “If the public found out that there where thousands of big feets roaming around the woods it would cause a panic and a lot of resentment towards the government for not saying anything about it.”
The National Reporter -Of course. I’ll keep quiet about the whole thing, you can count on it.

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Man dies of heart attack while mooning neighbors

William Martin's rear end was sticking out of his window for three days before neighbors called police.

The National Reporter

56 year old William Martin of Chicago didn’t get along with his neighbors.
Police records show that they had been called to his house several times to handle neighborhood disputes because of his antagonistic behavior.
Last week Mr. Martin was having a fight with the people who lived across the street from him and after they had gone into their home to ignore him, he decided to moon them from his bedroom window.
A few of his neighbors witnessed him opening his window and thrusting his naked buttocks out in an obscene manner while yelling obscenities at the top of his lungs.
This went on for about an hour, then he stopped shouting and just sat on the window sill with his naked rear end hanging out in the breeze.
“We thought he had really gone off the deep end this time.” Neighbor Jack Warner told us. “Everyone on the block came out to look at him with his ass out the window then it got dark out and we all went home. The next morning when I got up to go to work he was still there.”
The National Reporter – Didn’t you think it was odd that he would stay there like that all night long?
“Nah,.not really. He was a nut job and this is just the sort of thing that we would expect him to do.”
The National Reporter – When did you realise that there was something wrong?
“Well, two days later one of the kids down the street thought it would be funny to shoot him in the ass with his BB gun.” he said. “He shot him right square in the ass and he didn’t even flinch. He shot him a few more times and he just sat there with his ass hanging out the window completely oblivious to the stinging pain.”
The National Reporter – What happened then?
“A crowd began to form, people were laughing as the kid repeatedly shot him in the ass with his BB gun. A few minutes later a few of the kids friends came racing up on their bicycles with their BB guns and then there was five of them pelting his buttocks. Everyone thought it was hilarious, but no one was wondering why he just sat there taking it like that.”
The National Reporter – How long did that go on?
“For about an hour, then we told the kids to knock it off, he had enough punishment. After that, the crowd dispersed and everyone went home.”
The National Reporter – Amazing, and not one person thought that there might be something wrong with him?
“Nope, like I said, This was just the sort of thing that he would do. He was a nut.”
The National Reporter – What happened after that?
“Well the next day when I left the house to go to work and I saw that he was still there I suspected that there might be something wrong with him, so I called the cops.
I mean three days with your ass hanging out the window even after being shot a few hundred times with BB guns was a bit abnormal, even for Bill Martin.
Later that night when I got home from work I saw that the cops had put yellow crime scene tape all around the house and Bill was still in the window with his ass hanging out. I thought that was kind of weird.
The was a cop standing in front of the house so I asked him what was going on.
That was when I found out that Bill had been dead for three days. The reason why they didn’t remove him from the window is because of his rigor mortis. He was so stiff that they had to call in a specialist with a power saw to cut his legs off just to remove him from the window.”
William Martin was removed from the window later that evening.
Funeral service will be held at Thompsons funeral home.

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Ghost captured on video during filming of iCarly episode.

The National Reporter
Cast members of the popular iCarly television series got quite a shock during the filming of their most recent episode entitled, “iGot a Hot Room!”
During one of many takes where Carly Shay, Played by actress Miranda Cosgrove, was supposed to run up stairs to her room and change her jacket, the cameras picked up a strange disturbance behind fellow actor, Jerry Trainor.
The National Reporter interviewed the cast late last week to get their thoughts on the paranormal occurance.
“I did feel a slight drop in temperature while we were taping that scene, especially right when that thing appeared.” Jerry Trainor told us. “I also had a weird feeling that somone was standing behind even though I knew no one there.”
Jerry Trainor plays Carlys older brother, Spencer, on the show.
“I never really believed any of this ghost stuff until I saw the footage, is this for real?” Actress Jennette McCurdy said. “This is really creepy, I’m kind of scared to be here now.”
“I know what you mean.” Miranda Cosgrove added. “Just the idea that there might be a ghost here makes my skin crawl.”
Nathan Kress, who plays Freddie Benson, seemed to be amused at his co-stars frightened reactions to the video.

The cast of iCarly from left to right; Jennette McCurdy, Miranda Cosgrove, Jerry Trainor and Nathan Kress.

“There isn’t anything to be scared about.” He said. “Even if there really is a ghost haunting the place what is it going to do? A ghost can’t hurt you any more than a shadow can hurt you.”
As the cast members discussed Nathans theory on what possible injurys one might incur as a result of being assaulted by a ghost, the head of Nickelodeon studios walked in and stomped over to Dan Schneider, the producer of iCarly.
He seemed angry.
I could hear him sputtering angrily about firing the “treasonous bastard” who leaked the ghost story to the press.
The person who sold the video footage to The National Reporter need not worry about their identity being revealed because The National Reporter is a responsible and highly respected news service whose integrity is above reproach.
This is why we consistantly win the prestigious “seal of Honesty” from the International Reporters Association which we proudly display at the right of this page.
Our #1 goal is bringing top quality news storys to the public on issues that the mainstream press is afraid to report.

Update 8/6/2010: After this footage first aired on The National Reporter website and on our youtube page, several people have come forward claiming that they have seen mysterious occurances in different scenes from iCarly episodes.
It wasn’t until The National Reporter first aired this ghost footage on 8/2/2010 that they realised that they may have been witnessing actual paranormal activity occuring on the set during filming that the cast and crew were unaware of.
We here at The National Reporter will do our best to keep our readers updated on any events concerning the haunting of the iCarly set.

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