Ringo Starr speaks out about 7th Beatle, Billy Moore.

(Left) Ringo Starr (Right) Billy Moore

The National Reporter

Two years after The National Reporter  Investigated the claims of Billy Moore who insists he was the Beatles accordion  player during their early years,  we were invited to meet with former Beatle Ringo Starr to hear his side of the story.

The National Reporter interviews 7th Beatle, Billy Moore

The National Reporter – Hello Mister Starr, it is an honor to meet you.
Ringo Starr- Hello Mister Flashman,  I have been an avid fan of your splendid web news service since it began a few years ago and it is an honor to become a part of The National Reporter family.
The National Reporter – Thank you, we interviewed your former band mate Paul McCartney two years ago.
Ringo Starr- I know, Paul phoned me immediately after his interview with you.
He was all excited and talking a mile a minute about being in a story that was to be featured in The National Reporter.
I didn’t believe him at first,  but he kept talking excitedly about how he met Ace Flashman from  The National Reporter and he was just at his house in person.
He was carrying on and on about how he had been interviewed by a news service that had won awards for excellence in journalism, so I had to believe he was telling the truth.
The National Reporter –Yes, we have won the International Reporters Association award for Honesty, Integrity and Truth a third time since we interviewed Paul.
Ringo Starr- – That is very impressive, very impressive indeed.
The National Reporter –– Of course it is very difficult to win such an award.
We have to sift through thousands of stories each week separating true stories from made up stories.
You would be appalled at the completely silly made up stories we receive.
We pride our selves on our truthfulness and we would never ever post a made up silly story on this site, especially within view of our three IRA awards.
Ringo Starr- – That is why your news site is so reliable.
If it’s in The National Reporter you can trust the truth and integrity of the story.
The National Reporter –– That’s true.
Ringo Starr- -And I wouldn’t say it if I in any way doubted the validity of the The National Reporter.
The National Reporter –– Of course you wouldn’t.

The National Reporter –– Now Mister Starr, as you know we have already spoken to Paul McCartney about Billy Moore and his claim to have been a member of the Beatles.
What do you know about him?
Ringo Starr- – He was daft, a real kook. He used to shadow us where ever we went.
He was already irritating Pete Best before I joined the Beatles.
He would climb on stage and stand between him and his drums blocking his access to the whole right side of his drum kit while playing his accordion.
He was a real pest.
I remember when The Beatles were playing in Germany one night and out of nowhere Billy popped up on stage from behind Pete and got between him and his drums and he bumped into him ruining his piece.
Pete took his drum stick and jammed it into his leg as hard as he could.
Billy immediately dropped his accordion and fell face first onto his drum kit.
The guys stopped playing and turned around with shocked looks on their faces.
A second later two bouncers jumped on staged and dragged him off.
That was the last time we saw him until we got back to Liverpool and we were playing at the Cavern club.
The National Reporter –– How did this all begin with him, why did he think he was one of the Beatles?
Ringo Starr –– That was kind of Johns fault.
I was still with Rory at the time and I was in a club sitting at a table when John and Paul came in to ask me if I wanted to join the Beatles.
Billy Moore was walking around the tables playing his accordion.
I remember the agonized looks on John and Paul’s faces when they saw who it was.
I could hear Paul groaning something that sounded like, “Oh no,.. it’s the accordion ass hole who wants to join the band.”
Just as I began talking to them, Billy Moore came over and started playing his accordion.
They were trying to talk to me but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
Finally John shouted over his accordion,”We want you to join the Beatles.”
As soon as he said that, Billy’s face lit up with a big smile.
He thought John was asking him to join the Beatles.
The National Reporter –– So it was a mistake?
Ringo Starr- – Yes, he really thought John was talking to him.
None of us were aware of the mistake until he began showing up at our gigs expecting to play.
The National Reporter –– Didn’t anyone explain to him that it was a mistake and he wasn’t in the band?
Ringo Starr- – Every time he showed up we would tell him he wasn’t in the band.
Brian told him over and over.
Every time he showed up he would have security toss him out.
He was arrested a few times then he just stopped coming around.
The last I heard he was going around telling everyone that he wrote all our songs and we stole them from him.
Then I heard he was trying to sneak back stage at one of the Rolling Stones gigs.
The National Reporter –– How long did he stalk them?
Ringo Starr- – Not long. By the time he began pestering them they were already big enough to have a strong security presence back stage and he couldn’t get past them.
The National Reporter –– well, Thank you Mister Starr.
I am sure our readers will be interested learning about this small bit of unknown history of the Beatles.
Ringo Starr- – It is an honor having the opportunity to share this story in The National Reporter with all of your esteemed readers.

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Kim Jong Un livid after vandalism!

After months of tense stand-offs with the United States over the flying penis crisis, the slowly brewing peace process has come to a lurching halt with renewed hostilities in a flurry of screaming and window smashing from the office of Kim Jong Un, North Korea’s permanent tyrannical despot.

After months of diplomatic maneuvering including the exchange of money,prostitutes and weapons courtesy of the Obama administration, it has been revealed to The National Reporter that the U.S. government hasn’t been as effective in dealing with North Korea’s Dear Leaders as one American motorcycle gang.
After learning about the flying penis crisis from reading the exclusive story here in The National Reporter The feared “Asphalt Avengers M.C.” decided to lean on the despot their own way.

Asphalt Avengers M.C.

The feared Asphalt Avengers M.C. is seen here in front of their clubhouse. They are simultaneously “Flipping the bird” at Kim Jong Un in a defiant act of disrespect for the North Korean leader.

Dear Leader, Kim Jong Un spoke to The National Reporter in his usual manner.
We met with him on a cold rainy morning next to the huge wall that was constructed by his grandfather to keep out the decadent Westerners and their enticing products.
The National Reporter – Hello,..Kim Jong Un,..are you there?
We waited for a few minutes for a reply, but there was none.
The National Reporter – Oh great leader who created the heaven and the Earth,..will you speak with us humble peasants?
We waited a few more minutes then a voice called out from the other side of the wall.
Kim Jong Un – Who there,.. What you want?
The National Reporter – Is that you dear leader?
Kim Jong Un – Who want to know,..what you selling?
The National Reporter – We are not trying to sell anything.
We are from the National Reporter. We want to ask you about the recent problem you had with the American motorcycle gang, The Asphalt Avengers.
Kim Jong Un – Those guys mess with wrong guy!
The National Reporter – Yes,..Can you tell us what they did that has angered you so much?

We waited a few minutes as Kim Jong Un spoke to his huddled advisors.
Unfortunately none of us can understand North Korean so everything they were saying was Greek to us.
After a few minutes Kim Jong Un called over to us.
Kim Jong Un – Hey,..you still there?
The National Reporter – Yes,..we are still here. Can you tell us what the Asphalt Avengers did that has made you walk away from the flying penis peace table in a fit of rage?
Kim Jong Un – O.K., I tell you.

It was at this point in our meeting that one of our staff members was able to sneak a peek through a crack in the wall and for brief second he was able to see the tyrannical despot.
He was sitting in a throne carried by several army soldiers.
He was grossly over weight and completely naked except for a yellow rain hat.
He had paused speaking for a few seconds as he stuffed a McDonald’s cheeseburger into his mouth.
Kim Jong Un – Those bastards,..those contemptible bastards!
They vandalized the great golden robot statues of Pyongyang!
The National Reporter – Do you mean the statues of your father and grandfather?
Kim Jong Un – Look what they did!
We waited a few seconds, then we spotted a photograph that was being pushed through a crack in the wall.
After a few seconds it finally fell to the ground on our side.
When we picked it up and saw what it was, we were shocked.

Horrific scene at Kim memorial

The notorious Asphalt Avengers M.C. desecrated one of North Korea’s most sacred sites with this obscene statue that the motorcycle ruffians dubbed, “Micky Dick.” The North Koreans are infuriated and threatening war with the United States.

The National Reporter – Are you saying the Asphalt Avengers M.C. erected a huge statue of Micky mouse in between the great golden statues of Pyongyang?
How were they able to do this without anyone seeing them?
Kim Jong Un – How I know? I not know how they did this, they did it and we mad as hell!
The National Reporter – Why don’t you just lift it out with a crane and carry it away?
Kim Jong Un – We no can do. Asphalt Avengers very clever.
You look at photograph we give you.
Right hand of big mouse is welded to grandfather and ear is welded to father.
To make really hard remove, mouse is bolted to concrete with twenty foot long bolts made of titanium. We no have technology to cut titanium.

The National Reporter – Well that sucks.
Kim Jong Un – Yes,..is sucks.

When we got back to the U.S. we contacted the infamous Asphalt Avengers M.C.
They were not repentant for their crimes against the peoples republic of North Korea.
On the contrary, they thought what they did was funny.
We even showed them the photograph given to us by Kim Jong Un himself and they passed it around to their kids.
They were all laughing, it was disgusting.
Hopefully the mass media will continue to keep this vile act blacked out from the public like they have been doing with all the rapes and murders occurring across Europe by the unmentionables.

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“We teach you lesson America!” Kim Jong Un orders the construction of huge flying vengence penis

Korean despot Kim Jong Un is seen here cavorting with his blood thirsty henchmen watching the construction of the massive flying penis they plan to unleash on America.

Korean despot Kim Jong Un is seen here cavorting with his blood thirsty henchmen reading The National Reporters news story about the giant floating penis over North Korea. “Look, it my picture!” Kim Jong Un giggled excitedly.

The National Reporter

A few months ago The National Reporter informed our readers about the latest sighting of the notorious flying penis  over North Korea which outraged the chubby Despot, Kim Jong Un.
It is rumored that his recent disappearance from the public eye had something to with an emergency meeting he had ordered to exact revenge against the United State of America.
His threat to destroy America was aired on Korean television and seen by nearly one hundred people who have earned enough privilege to own television sets in that glorious peoples republic.
The CIA reported that it is highly likely that Kim Jong Un was indeed intending to follow through with his threat and was organizing the construction of a massive weapon in a remote area north of the 38th parallel.
When the word reached Washington the chiefs of staff ordered proof that he was intended to carry out this threat.

An American aerial reconnaissance plane snapped this horrifying image last week while on a highly classified fly over of the Communist nation.

Korean threat

Is this a giant flying penis that the North Korean madman is planning to launch on America?
The National Reporter was given a copy of this highly classified photograph for analysis by our science department who earned the respect of the Institute of science in Washington for their development of The Ghost-o-vision scope.
Our team of scientists used a special photographic process that allows them to magnify photographic images so that they could get a better look at the suspected flying penis and present the results to our loyal readers.

Close up shot

The National Reporters enhanced photograph clearly shows what appears to be a giant penis under construction on a remote North Korea military facility.
The Pentagon has secretly dispatched a fleet of anti missile cruisers and several submarines to protect our shores from giant sinister flying penises from North Korea in case Kim Jong Un decides to unleash his revenge.
General Bosco Stevens has contacted Kim Jon Un and issued a dire warning to him stating that the United States will not tolerate an invasion of our air space by flying penis’s or any other obscene flying objects intended to shock and horrify the American public.

Keep reading The National Reporter for any developments on this crisis.

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Pawn stars Rick Harrison turns down billion dollar ring.

Rick Harrisons famous television pawn shop in Las Vegas.

Rick Harrisons famous television pawn shop in Las Vegas.

The National Reporter
On a recent episode of Pawn stars, the highly successful reality series about a family owned pawn shop in Las Vegas,  Rick Harrison the owner of the shop was offered the opportunity to buy what is perhaps the rarest and most historical ring in the world.
Dubbed Nero’s wedding ring when it was first presented to President Abraham Lincoln just two months before his assassination, the ring was intended to be used as an emergency device to alert the newly formed secret service  if the president felt threatened.
Because silent alarms had not yet been invented, it was decided upon to utilize a small device that can be activated by blowing into it, a whistle.
The secret service scientists came up with a beautifully crafted gold siren ring similar to this ring.

Lincolns alarm ring, known as Neroos wedding ring because of the acronym, N.W.R. (Noisy whistle ring)

Lincolns alarm ring similar to this ring, was  known as Nero’s wedding ring because of the acronym , N.W.R. (Noisy whistle ring)

It is said that many of the people who were in attendance at Fords Theater the night of the assassination reported hearing a strange whizzing sound coming from the presidents balcony box immediately after the fatal gunshot rang out.
In the 1930 film production, “Abraham Lincoln” the whistle sound was used in the sound track for realism based on witness testimony.
Unfortunately the scene was reedited prior to the films release and the whistle sound was removed on the request of the Secret Service.
Many people at the time suspected that they didn’t want the public to know about their failure to protect the president with their amazing whistle ring.
The National Reporter  has managed to obtain an unedited copy of the movie scene for our readers.
In it you will hear the same sound that was heard by witnesses at Fords theater that fateful night.

Shortly after the assassination the ring disappeared and was never seen again until recently on an episode of Pawn Stars.
A man walked into the pawn shop that is seen on television, the reality show Pawn Stars and plopped the ring down in front of Rick Harrison the owner of the shop and asked for five hundred dollars.
“Five hundred,.. dollars?” he laughed.
“That’s right, five hundred dollareenos. Five big ones, five samolioans.”
Rick picked up the ring and looked at it.
“What is it?” He asked.
“What is it you ask?” the man gaufawed. “Why,..it’s Nero’s wedding ring.”
“Emperor Nero?”
“That’s right, Emperor Nero, the big Roman guy.”
“And you say this is his wedding ring?”
Yep,.. the old symbolic ball and chain.”
Rick just shook his head and handed it back to him.
“I’m not interested.” he said.
The man shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the store.
A few days later the secret service came into the store and chased all the customers out.
One man in a black leather trench coat cornered Rick Harrison in a back room as others swarmed in around him.
“What do you know about the ring?” he snarled.
“W,what ring?” Rick asked. he was visibly shaken up by the sudden intrusion of fifty government agents.
” Nero’s wedding ring!” the agent snapped back.
“What?”
“You heard me, where is it?”
“I don’t have it, I told the guy I didn’t want it.”
“You better not be lying to us, see?”
After that the secret service guys left the shop and told everyone who was there that if they said anything about what just happened they would come back and kill them.

The next day The National Reporter went to the pawn shop to ask Rick Harrison what happened.
“Aw jeez, it was awful.” he said. “The shop was swarmed by all these creepy looking Secret Service guys yesterday.”

Rick Harrison the owner of the famous television lawn shop that is featured on the reality series Pawn Stars.

Rick Harrison the owner of the famous television Pawn shop that is featured on the reality series Pawn Stars.

The National Reporter– What did they want?
“They wanted to know where Nero’s wedding ring was.”
The National Reporter– Nero’s wedding ring?
“Yeah, it’s from the acronym N.W.R. They use it to throw people off of the true name for the ring which is Noisey Whistle Ring. It belonged to President Lincoln and was stolen right after he was assassinated. It’s worth a ton of money.”
The National Reporter– We understand the guy only wanted five hundred dollars for it and it is worth one billion dollars. Why didn’t you buy it?
“I thought it was a cheap little brass kids whistle. How was I supposed to know what it was?”
The National Reporter-Oh well, you live and you learn.
“I suppose.”
The National Reporter– When will we see the episode where you turned down the ring?
“You won’t.” Rick told us. “The secret service took the video and destroyed it and told us if we ever said anything about it to anyone they would come back and kill us.”
The National Reporter– They told us the same thing about airing the deleted scene from the Lincoln movie where they have the sound of Lincoln blowing into the ring to call the Secret Service.
“Ha,ha, they screwed up big time on that.” Rick laughed.
The National Reporter-They sure did Rick, they sure did.

Be sure to watch Pawn Stars on the History channel!

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Prehistoric man may have lived like the Flintstones

Prehistoric homes like this may have been a reality in days gone by.

The National Reporter
Archeologists in New Mexico have discovered startling evidence that our prehistoric ancestors may have been more advanced than we previously assumed.
While working on a typical dig in New Mexico, Dr. Jacob Turner from the university of Nebraska uncovered what appears to be a stone wheel that may have been used to cart human beings around in a primitive form of automobile very similar to the automobiles that were used by the Flintsones on the popular Hanna Barbera cartoon show.

Dr.Jacob Turner is shown here with his famou s”Flintstone” wheel close to where it was uncovered.

“I have little doubt that this stone wheel was used to transport primitive people around much in the same way the Flintstones were portrayed in the popular cartoon series.” Dr. Turner told The National Reporter.
“I agree.” His colleague Dr. Femmer added. “We have suspected that prehistoric man was more advanced than previously thought. This is evidenced by the discovery of the monolith in Belize south America a few years ago in the Yucatan peninsula.”

prehistoric monolith discovered in Belize

The National Reporter “Wasn’t there some type of dwelling found around here that was very similar to the Flintstone house?”
“Yes there was, Dr. Turner said. “It was found two miles from our present location in the late 1950’s and may have been the inspiration for the cartoon series.”

Was this prehistoric dwelling the inspiration for the Flintstones cartoon show?

The National Reporter “So what you are saying is the creators of the Flintstones may have borrowed the idea from actual prehistoric artifacts?”
“That is correct.”
The National Reporter “Do you think this discovery will have any effect on how the public views the television series now that it has been established to have been factual?”
“I don’t know.” Dr. Turner replied.
The National Reporter will keep our readers updated on any new developments as this story unfolds.

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Body of Osama Bin Laden floats ashore in Somalia!

Osama Bin Ladens badly decomposed and half eaten corpse is seen here after it floated ashore in Somalia.

The remains of Osama Bin Laden who was killed by U.S. Navy Seals last week washed ashore in Somalia early this morning.
Local fishermen were aghast at the sight as they made their way to the beach.
“”Aaaaiiieee,..it is Osama!” They shouted.

Somali officials arrived a short time later to calm the terrified crowds who had assembled to view the remains.
His body had been picked clean to the bone by crabs, fish and seagulls although much of his his trademark beard still remained on what was left of his face.
Public officials assured the throngs of onlookers that it was not an act of witchcraft, the current merely picked up his dead body and dragged it across the ocean dumping it on the beach.
After they had cleared the crowds away, the officials took the badly decomposed remains of the deceased terrorist leader into custody.
“We are sure it is Osama.” Head inspector Harad Marahad told The National Reporter.
“Can you explain how his body floated free of the weights that were placed in the shroud with him?”
“Yes.” Inspector Marahad said. “The body was hastily placed into the shroud by doctors aboard a Navel vessel and they mistakenly sewed the fabric shut with dissolving surgical thread.”
“You mean the type that dissolves inside of the body after surgery?”
“Exactly.”
“What do you plan on doing with his remains?”
“We don’t know at the moment, perhaps we will sell it to an interested party if we get any offers. Most likely we will bury him at sea as the U.S. did originally.”

It was later learned by The National Reporter that the Somali government did indeed rebury the remains of Osama Bin Laden at sea and he is once again sleeping with the fishes.

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The day the circus came to town

1857 photo of the mysterious circus tent


The National Reporter
In the early morning hours of August 1857, the town of New Madrid, Missouri was visited by a small unknown circus.
The people of New Madrid naturally welcomed the small circus and eagerly anticipated the show as they set up their operation on the outskirts of town.
By the end of the day the circus was open for business and the excited locals began arriving.
In no time at all the big top was filled to capacity which much to their displeasure, left a few hundred New Madridians outside waiting for the next show.
The sounds of the ring leader shouting through his megaphone, the performers, the music and all the wild animals echoed out across the big field where the circus had set up their big tent.
And then just as the show was about to end, there was silence.
The ring master, the crowds and the howling animals had all suddenly become hushed.
After a few minutes some of the towns folk walked towards the front entrance to the tent and pulled aside the enclosure to peer inside.
They were greeted by an eerie sight.
There was no one inside.
It was completely empty.
Over four hundred towns people, performers and animals had disappeared off of the face of the Earth on that warm August evening in 1857.

The site was closed down and investigated by the finest detectives of the day looking for a clue as to where all those people disappeared to, but they never found anything.
To this day scientists are still scouring the Earth with ground sounding devices looking for underground caves and secret trap doors.
So far there has been no trace of any such underground caverns that could have been used to spirit so many people away unseen by the hundreds waiting outside of the big tent.
All that remains on the location is a plaque dedicated to the missing.
The bizarre occurence is still one of the most puzzling missing persons mystery in the U.S. to this day.

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