Ringo Starr speaks out about 7th Beatle, Billy Moore.

(Left) Ringo Starr (Right) Billy Moore

The National Reporter

Two years after The National Reporter  Investigated the claims of Billy Moore who insists he was the Beatles accordion  player during their early years,  we were invited to meet with former Beatle Ringo Starr to hear his side of the story.

The National Reporter interviews 7th Beatle, Billy Moore

The National Reporter – Hello Mister Starr, it is an honor to meet you.
Ringo Starr- Hello Mister Flashman,  I have been an avid fan of your splendid web news service since it began a few years ago and it is an honor to become a part of The National Reporter family.
The National Reporter – Thank you, we interviewed your former band mate Paul McCartney two years ago.
Ringo Starr- I know, Paul phoned me immediately after his interview with you.
He was all excited and talking a mile a minute about being in a story that was to be featured in The National Reporter.
I didn’t believe him at first,  but he kept talking excitedly about how he met Ace Flashman from  The National Reporter and he was just at his house in person.
He was carrying on and on about how he had been interviewed by a news service that had won awards for excellence in journalism, so I had to believe he was telling the truth.
The National Reporter –Yes, we have won the International Reporters Association award for Honesty, Integrity and Truth a third time since we interviewed Paul.
Ringo Starr- – That is very impressive, very impressive indeed.
The National Reporter –– Of course it is very difficult to win such an award.
We have to sift through thousands of stories each week separating true stories from made up stories.
You would be appalled at the completely silly made up stories we receive.
We pride our selves on our truthfulness and we would never ever post a made up silly story on this site, especially within view of our three IRA awards.
Ringo Starr- – That is why your news site is so reliable.
If it’s in The National Reporter you can trust the truth and integrity of the story.
The National Reporter –– That’s true.
Ringo Starr- -And I wouldn’t say it if I in any way doubted the validity of the The National Reporter.
The National Reporter –– Of course you wouldn’t.

The National Reporter –– Now Mister Starr, as you know we have already spoken to Paul McCartney about Billy Moore and his claim to have been a member of the Beatles.
What do you know about him?
Ringo Starr- – He was daft, a real kook. He used to shadow us where ever we went.
He was already irritating Pete Best before I joined the Beatles.
He would climb on stage and stand between him and his drums blocking his access to the whole right side of his drum kit while playing his accordion.
He was a real pest.
I remember when The Beatles were playing in Germany one night and out of nowhere Billy popped up on stage from behind Pete and got between him and his drums and he bumped into him ruining his piece.
Pete took his drum stick and jammed it into his leg as hard as he could.
Billy immediately dropped his accordion and fell face first onto his drum kit.
The guys stopped playing and turned around with shocked looks on their faces.
A second later two bouncers jumped on staged and dragged him off.
That was the last time we saw him until we got back to Liverpool and we were playing at the Cavern club.
The National Reporter –– How did this all begin with him, why did he think he was one of the Beatles?
Ringo Starr –– That was kind of Johns fault.
I was still with Rory at the time and I was in a club sitting at a table when John and Paul came in to ask me if I wanted to join the Beatles.
Billy Moore was walking around the tables playing his accordion.
I remember the agonized looks on John and Paul’s faces when they saw who it was.
I could hear Paul groaning something that sounded like, “Oh no,.. it’s the accordion ass hole who wants to join the band.”
Just as I began talking to them, Billy Moore came over and started playing his accordion.
They were trying to talk to me but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
Finally John shouted over his accordion,”We want you to join the Beatles.”
As soon as he said that, Billy’s face lit up with a big smile.
He thought John was asking him to join the Beatles.
The National Reporter –– So it was a mistake?
Ringo Starr- – Yes, he really thought John was talking to him.
None of us were aware of the mistake until he began showing up at our gigs expecting to play.
The National Reporter –– Didn’t anyone explain to him that it was a mistake and he wasn’t in the band?
Ringo Starr- – Every time he showed up we would tell him he wasn’t in the band.
Brian told him over and over.
Every time he showed up he would have security toss him out.
He was arrested a few times then he just stopped coming around.
The last I heard he was going around telling everyone that he wrote all our songs and we stole them from him.
Then I heard he was trying to sneak back stage at one of the Rolling Stones gigs.
The National Reporter –– How long did he stalk them?
Ringo Starr- – Not long. By the time he began pestering them they were already big enough to have a strong security presence back stage and he couldn’t get past them.
The National Reporter –– well, Thank you Mister Starr.
I am sure our readers will be interested learning about this small bit of unknown history of the Beatles.
Ringo Starr- – It is an honor having the opportunity to share this story in The National Reporter with all of your esteemed readers.

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Kim Jong Un livid after vandalism!

After months of tense stand-offs with the United States over the flying penis crisis, the slowly brewing peace process has come to a lurching halt with renewed hostilities in a flurry of screaming and window smashing from the office of Kim Jong Un, North Korea’s permanent tyrannical despot.

After months of diplomatic maneuvering including the exchange of money,prostitutes and weapons courtesy of the Obama administration, it has been revealed to The National Reporter that the U.S. government hasn’t been as effective in dealing with North Korea’s Dear Leaders as one American motorcycle gang.
After learning about the flying penis crisis from reading the exclusive story here in The National Reporter The feared “Asphalt Avengers M.C.” decided to lean on the despot their own way.

The feared Asphalt Avengers M.C. is seen here in front of their clubhouse. They are simultaneously “Flipping the bird” at Kim Jong Un in a defiant act of disrespect for the North Korean leader.

Dear Leader, Kim Jong Un spoke to The National Reporter in his usual manner.
We met with him on a cold rainy morning next to the huge wall that was constructed by his grandfather to keep out the decadent Westerners and their enticing products.
The National Reporter – Hello,..Kim Jong Un,..are you there?
We waited for a few minutes for a reply, but there was none.
The National Reporter – Oh great leader who created the heaven and the Earth,..will you speak with us humble peasants?
We waited a few more minutes then a voice called out from the other side of the wall.
Kim Jong Un – Who there,.. What you want?
The National Reporter – Is that you dear leader?
Kim Jong Un – Who want to know,..what you selling?
The National Reporter – We are not trying to sell anything.
We are from the National Reporter. We want to ask you about the recent problem you had with the American motorcycle gang, The Asphalt Avengers.
Kim Jong Un – Those guys mess with wrong guy!
The National Reporter – Yes,..Can you tell us what they did that has angered you so much?

We waited a few minutes as Kim Jong Un spoke to his huddled advisors.
Unfortunately none of us can understand North Korean so everything they were saying was Greek to us.
After a few minutes Kim Jong Un called over to us.
Kim Jong Un – Hey,..you still there?
The National Reporter – Yes,..we are still here. Can you tell us what the Asphalt Avengers did that has made you walk away from the flying penis peace table in a fit of rage?
Kim Jong Un – O.K., I tell you.

It was at this point in our meeting that one of our staff members was able to sneak a peek through a crack in the wall and for brief second he was able to see the tyrannical despot.
He was sitting in a throne carried by several army soldiers.
He was grossly over weight and completely naked except for a yellow rain hat.
He had paused speaking for a few seconds as he stuffed a McDonald’s cheeseburger into his mouth.
Kim Jong Un – Those bastards,..those contemptible bastards!
They vandalized the great golden robot statues of Pyongyang!
The National Reporter – Do you mean the statues of your father and grandfather?
Kim Jong Un – Look what they did!
We waited a few seconds, then we spotted a photograph that was being pushed through a crack in the wall.
After a few seconds it finally fell to the ground on our side.
When we picked it up and saw what it was, we were shocked.

The notorious Asphalt Avengers M.C. desecrated one of North Korea’s most sacred sites with this obscene statue that the motorcycle ruffians dubbed, “Micky Dick.” The North Koreans are infuriated and threatening war with the United States.

The National Reporter – Are you saying the Asphalt Avengers M.C. erected a huge statue of Micky mouse in between the great golden statues of Pyongyang?
How were they able to do this without anyone seeing them?
Kim Jong Un – How I know? I not know how they did this, they did it and we mad as hell!
The National Reporter – Why don’t you just lift it out with a crane and carry it away?
Kim Jong Un – We no can do. Asphalt Avengers very clever.
You look at photograph we give you.
Right hand of big mouse is welded to grandfather and ear is welded to father.
To make really hard remove, mouse is bolted to concrete with twenty foot long bolts made of titanium. We no have technology to cut titanium.
The National Reporter – Well that sucks.
Kim Jong Un – Yes,..is sucks.

When we got back to the U.S. we contacted the infamous Asphalt Avengers M.C.
They were not repentant for their crimes against the peoples republic of North Korea.
On the contrary, they thought what they did was funny.
We even showed them the photograph given to us by Kim Jong Un himself and they passed it around to their kids.
They were all laughing, it was disgusting.
Hopefully the mass media will continue to keep this vile act blacked out from the public like they have been doing with all the rapes and murders occurring across Europe by the unmentionables.

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Idiot buries himself up to his neck on parents front lawn

16 year old Carl Johnson seen here buried up to his neck on his parents front lawn.

The National Reporter

16 year old Carl Johnson of Boise Idaho was discovered buried up to his neck in a hole that was dug in his parents front lawn last week.
This reporter went to his home to find out why he did this.
The National Reporter – Hi Carl, my name is Ace Flashman, I am a reporter for The National Reporter.
Carl Johnson –“Hi Mr. Flashman.”
The National Reporter – Hello Carl. Can you tell me why you did this?
Carl Johnson –“Why did I do what?”
The National Reporter – Why did you bury yourself like this?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know.”
The National Reporter – You don’t know?
Carl Johnson –“Nuh uh, I just felt like it I guess.”
The National Reporter – Did you do this as a form of protest.
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know, ..maybe,..yea,..that’s why I did it.”
The National Reporter – What are you protesting and how is burying yourself up to the neck getting your point across?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know.”
The National Reporter – You must have some idea why you did this. What are you protesting?
Carl Johnson –“Ummm,.. school?”
The National Reporter – You are protesting school? Did something happen to you at school?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know,..I guess so.”
The National Reporter – What happened to you at school that would make you do something like this?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know.”
The National Reporter – Does this have something to do with a girl you like?
Carl Johnson –“well,,.umm.,..yea.”
The National Reporter – How is burying yourself up to your neck relevant to your crush on a girl at school?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know,..I want her to like me I guess. What does relevant mean?”
The National Reporter – How is this going to make her like you?
Carl Johnson –“She will think I look cool and fall in love with me.”
The National Reporter – Really?
Carl Johnson –“yeah, I am afraid to talk to her so I figured if I buried myself up to my neck she would like me.”

As he was speaking his father walked out of the house and approached me.
“Who are you? He asked.
The National Reporter – Hello sir, My name is Ace Flashman. I am a reporter for The
National Reporter.
“Awwww,..geeez! Your a reporter!?”
The National Reporter – That’s right. I am here to interview your son.
“Awww,..geez,..the press!?” He groaned. “Look pal, can’t we just let this one go?”
The National Reporter – Excuse me?
“Come on, buddy. This whole affair has been extremely embarrassing for our family, can’t you just let this slide and go report something else?”
Carl Johnson – Dad,..can you bring me a sandwich?
The National Reporter – I am sorry Mr. Johnson, but I have to follow my nose and report news that is of interest to our readers. Besides, there are no good news stories for me to pursue at the moment.
Awww, geeez,..can’t you just make something up?”
The National Reporter – Make something up? You have to be kidding. The National Reporter has a spotless reputation for reporting the truth and nothing but the truth. We would never make up some silly story.
That sort of nonsense is beneith us.
Did you know that the National Reporter has been the recipient of the renowned Seal of honesty award from the International Reporters association for truthfulness, honesty and integrity?
Do you really think I would compromise that honor just for the sake of making up some ridiculous story?
Carl Johnson – Hey Dad,..can you bring the TV set out here? This is boring.
“I know your fine news service has an impeccable reputation, but can’t you please find something else to write about?
This whole episode has been very humiliating for us. We are getting crank telephone calls for the past week, people asking to talk to Carl. They know he can’t get out of the hole. They are just trying to be funny.”

Carl Johnson –what time is it, dad?
“It’s ten to three,..idiot.”
Carl Johnson – OH NO!
The National Reporter – What’s wrong Carl?
Carl Johnson – The grade school down the street lets out at three and all the little kids walk by and say stuff to me.
yesterday they drew glasses on my face with a red magic marker.
The National Reporter – Well that was certainly a mean thing to do.
“Aw geez,..what do you expect?” Carl’s dad said. “Your making an ass out of yourself, of course they are going to tease you,..idiot!”

As he was speaking my cell phone rang. It was an urgent message from The National Reporters head office.
Geologists in Florida had uncovered a thirty seven foot long specimen of petrified dinosaur scat and they wanted me to cover the story.
The National Reporter – I have to leave right away on urgent business.
“Oh thank goodness.” Mr. Johnson said with a sigh of relief. “Does that mean you won’t report this story in The National Reporter?
The National Reporter – No. I will write it on my lap top and send it to my editor while I am on the plane.
Carl Johnson –Is there something crawling up the back of my neck? Hey Dad,..can you see if there is a bug on my neck?
“Thanks a lot, Ace.” Carl’s Dad groaned. I can’t wait to read it.”

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“We teach you lesson America!” Kim Jong Un orders the construction of huge flying vengence penis

Korean despot Kim Jong Un is seen here cavorting with his blood thirsty henchmen reading The National Reporters news story about the giant floating penis over North Korea. “Look, it my picture!” Kim Jong Un giggled excitedly.

The National Reporter

A few months ago The National Reporter informed our readers about the latest sighting of the notorious flying penis  over North Korea which outraged the chubby Despot, Kim Jong Un.
It is rumored that his recent disappearance from the public eye had something to with an emergency meeting he had ordered to exact revenge against the United State of America.
His threat to destroy America was aired on Korean television and seen by nearly one hundred people who have earned enough privilege to own television sets in that glorious peoples republic.
The CIA reported that it is highly likely that Kim Jong Un was indeed intending to follow through with his threat and was organizing the construction of a massive weapon in a remote area north of the 38th parallel.
When the word reached Washington the chiefs of staff ordered proof that he was intended to carry out this threat.

An American aerial reconnaissance plane snapped this horrifying image last week while on a highly classified fly over of the Communist nation.

Is this a giant flying penis that the North Korean madman is planning to launch on America?
The National Reporter was given a copy of this highly classified photograph for analysis by our science department who earned the respect of the Institute of science in Washington for their development of The Ghost-o-vision scope.
Our team of scientists used a special photographic process that allows them to magnify photographic images so that they could get a better look at the suspected flying penis and present the results to our loyal readers.

The National Reporters enhanced photograph clearly shows what appears to be a giant penis under construction on a remote North Korea military facility.
The Pentagon has secretly dispatched a fleet of anti missile cruisers and several submarines to protect our shores from giant sinister flying penises from North Korea in case Kim Jong Un decides to unleash his revenge.
General Bosco Stevens has contacted Kim Jon Un and issued a dire warning to him stating that the United States will not tolerate an invasion of our air space by flying penis’s or any other obscene flying objects intended to shock and horrify the American public.

Keep reading The National Reporter for any developments on this crisis.

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Origin of the mysterious electronic tooth implant has been revealed!

The truth about the baffling electronic tooth implant has shocked the scientific community

The National Reporter
Shocking news concerning the mysterious electronic tooth implant that was reported in The National Reporter five years ago has finally been revealed.

Electronic implant discovered in mans tooth”

The origin and the method in which it was inserted into Wally Hansons tooth has been discovered by a scientific team of forensic experts in Washington DC.
The National Reporter was on hand when the news of the discovery was announced.
The National Reporter – How did you discover the secret of the electronic tooth implant?
The person we had begun interviewing at this time was obviously unaware of who was speaking to him.
“And who might I ask wants to know?”
The National Reporter – Pardon me professor, I should have introduced myself.
My name is Ace Flashman, I am a reporter for The National Reporter.
“Ah yes, the National Reporter.” He said with a smile. “One of the most reliable sources of the latest scientific discovery’s anywhere and the winner of the International Reporters Association award for honesty, integrity and truthfulness in journalism.”
The National Reporter – That’s right professor. We at The National Reporter do our best to bring the truth to the public, unlike the tabloids who sell ridiculous lies to them to make a quick buck.”
“Yes, I find The National Reporters reputation for honesty, integrity and truthfulness very reassuring when I need to do important research that could have dire consequences for the world if it was inaccurate.”
The National Reporter – That’s right professor. We at The National Reporter go that extra ten yards to make sure our readers are getting nothing but facts on the issues that are effecting the world today.
“Don’t you mean nine yards?”
The National Reporter – We here at The National Reporter like to think that we go an extra yard for our loyal readers because they are worth the effort.
“That is a very noble outlook.” The professor said. “That is why you won the award for Honesty, integrity and truthfulness in journalism.”
The National Reporter – Yes, that is correct. And we won it a second time this year as you can see when you read our webpage.
“Well, I must say that you certainly deserve it.” he said.
The National Reporter – Why, thank you professor. That means a lot coming from such a distinguished gentleman as yourself.
“I am not alone in my opinion of your fine news service.” He said. “All of us here at the scientific institute are avid readers of The National Reporter and look forward to your latest reports.”
The National Reporter – Why, thank you again Professor. That is quite a complement coming from a loyal reader and a person of your stature.

Now professor, we understand that you and the scientific team here at the science institute have discovered the origin of the electronic implant in the tooth and also how it was inserted, is this true?
“Yes.”
The National Reporter – That is really news. What was the reactrion of your team when they made the discovery?
“Most of us were shocked, yet the discovery had a calming effect on the members of the team.” he said.
The National Reporter – I could imagine it would have been quite a relief to everyone involved in such a lengthy research project to finally come to a conclusion solving the mystery.
“Yes, it was. It was a much needed relief.” He said. “The team and I were on the verge of calling it quits several times over the past few years. At times it became very frustrating as theory after theory fell apart and we had to start all over from the beginning.”
The National Reporter – Yes, I can understand why that would be frustrating.
“At first the discovery seemed so far fetched that none of us believed and we nearly dropped it to explore other possibilitys.”
The National Reporter – It’s a good thing you decided to continue on the theory that led your team to the truth.
“Yes, that is correct.” He said.
The National Reporter – How has this discovery impacted the scientific community?
“It has had quite an impact, especially in the field involving the technology of the implant and the method in which it was inserted into the mans tooth.”
The National Reporter – I bet it has. Have you contacted Wally Hanson with the news yet?
“Yes, We have.” The professor said.
The National Reporter – Was he as surprised as you and your team?
“Yes, he was. He was stunned when we told him what it was and how it ended up in his tooth without his knowledge of how it got there or what it was.”
The National Reporter – Who wouldn’t be stunned to find out something like that?
“Ha,ha,..not many people that I can think of.” The professor laughed.
The National Reporter – Well, thank you for your time Professor. Our readers will be excited when they find out that the mystery has been solved.
“I am sure they will.” he said.

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Teasing zoo arrogance! “I will feed puppys & kittens to my aligators.”

Little puppys like this are doomed to become alligator food if you don’t help.

The National Reporter
A few weeks ago we here at The National Reporter made a dire plea to our readers to stop the sadistic goings on at a Portland zoo where cruelty is the main attraction.
Owner of teasing zoo; ha,ha,you cant stop me.
We are talking about the abomination called Bob’s teasing zoo.
This sick and twisted business is still open despite our efforts to shut them down.
As a result the owner of the zoo, Bob, is planning to increase his cruelty to punish us for trying to rescue the helpless animals in his grips.
He sent a letter to us here at The National Reporter mocking us and the loyal readers who signed the petition to have him shut down.
Here is the letter he sent to our office reprinted here word for word in violation of his court order forbidding us to reprint it on our webpage.

To whom it may concern,
Listen up you dweebs, your stupid petition and your punk readers can’t stop me from doing what I want to do, understand?
If I want to allow the public to tease stupid animals like they want then that is what I am going to do.
Who cares?
Judging from the tiny number of animal lovers who signed your stupid petition certainly not most of the population.
So, here is what I am going to do just for shits and giggles and to teach you and the other stupid animal lovers a lesson.
I am going to put cute little puppy’s and kittens on sheets of ice and float them out into the middle of the alligator pond.
It will be funny as hell watching the ice melt and the creepy little puppy’s and kittens struggling to keep from falling into the water with my starving alligators.
And you know they are starving because they are my alligators, ha,ha,ha!
I hope you come and see us when we open up this new exhibit.
Bring your camera too, you and your stupid petition can’t stop us because there are not enough stupid animal lovers who care.

Your pal, Bob.

Now is the time to act before this evil bastard starts his sadistic act of animal cruelty.
Please sign the petition and save these poor defenseless animals!
Sign the petition to close down this evil establishment!

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Owner of sadistic teasing zoo; Ha, ha,..you can’t stop me.

A few years ago The National Reporter informed the world about a zoo in Portland, Oregon that is so horrendous and sadistic that most people refuse to believe that such a place can exist in today’s world.
Sadistic zoo angers animal rights groups
Well not only does it exist but the owner is laughing at the efforts of The National Reporter and our loyal readers in our attempt to shut them down with a petition.

Bob’s teasing zoo is still in operation despite the attempts of The National Reporter and our readers to shut it down.

The National Reporter caught up with this criminal at his office in downtown Portland and interviewed him about his mocking attitude towards the few people who bothered to sign the online petition that would have put this exhibition of unspeakable animal cruelty to an end.
“No one cares, ha ha,..” he said. “No one gives a crap about these stupid animals because hardly anyone has signed that stupid petition.
In fact, I am going to get even more animals and make the fun and games ten times more cruel and painful to them. What are they going to do about it, sign a petition with ten signatures? Ahhh,ha,ha,ha!”
The National Reporter – You bastard!
“Shut up four eyes, I can do whatever I want and no one has the guts to stop me, they won’t even sign a stupid online petition. It’s too much work for them. Ha,ha,ha!
I think that most of them would rather come to my zoo and enjoy teasing the stupid animals like normal people anyway.”
The National Reporter – Is there no limit to your cruelty?
“No,..ha,ha,ha. Now get out of my way or I will sue you for interfering in my right to get rich torturing stupid animals.”
The National Reporter – You filthy bastard!
“Hey, watch your mouth four eyes, that’s slander!”

His next animal cruelty exhibition will be one where starving puppys and kittens are lured into very painful traps with bits of food that are tossed by sadistic zoo patrons.
“I should turn a good buck with this great idea.” Bob snickered.

We here at The National Reporter are urging our readers to please help shut down this evil bastards sadistic zoo.
All you have to do is take a minute to sign our petition.
Sign the petition to close down this evil establishment!

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Childs film angers womens groups

The National Reporter

When eight year old Thomas Wriggly asked his father for funds to produce his own motion picture his father had no idea what he was getting into.
“I just figured he was going to make a film with his little friends about monsters and wizards, you know, what you would expect from an eight year old..” Thomas Wriggly Sr. explained.
“I would never have guessed in a million years that it would be anything like this.”
The National Reporter – “What was your first reaction to the film when you saw the title?”
“At first I was amused, then the reality began to hit me when I realized how offensive it was to women.”
The National Reporter – “What was so offensive about it?”
“Well, first it was the title.”
The National Reporter – “What was the title?”
“It was um,..I am almost afraid to tell you what it is.”
The National Reporter – It’s O.K. The National Reporter is a highly respected news service recognized by the International Reporters association for our honesty, truthfulness and integrity. People will understand when they read it here.
“O.K., I guess I can trust The National Reporter. If we can’t trust the National Reporter for providing the public with honest and truthful news story’s then who can we trust?”
The National Reporter – Well certainly not the main stream media. Ha,ha.
“Yeah,.. the main stream media really shovels the B.S. to the stupid public and the idiots eat it up.”
The National Reporter -They sure do, Mr. Wriggly. They sure do.
“I guess it’s safe to tell you since you are The National Reporter and not some lying news media out to appease their advertisers.”
“The title of my son’s film is “Girls stink and have cooties.”
The National Reporter – Wow,..ha,ha. That is really offensive to women.”
“I know. It’s embarrassing as hell.”

The National Reporter – I understand you are quite wealthy and you gave your son a substantial amount of money to produce this film. Can you tell me exactly how much that was?”
“Yes,..I financed his film with nearly 124 million dollars.”
The National Reporter – That is quite substantial. That is what major motion picture studios spend on their films.
What is offensive about the film besides the title?”
“Well,.. in the opening scene it shows a group of women sitting around a table talking away while they are eating and drinking.”
The National Reporter – What is so offensive about that?
“They are talking about how much women like to smell their farts and eat, um,..dog feces.” he said.
The National Reporter – Wow,.. that is offensive.
“It gets worse,.. at first the viewer thinks they are eating brownies and drinking lemon-aid until the camera pans in and it becomes obvious that they are eating dog feces and drinking urine.”
The National Reporter – Yuck,.. no wonder it has so many women’s groups riled up.
“After that they all run around the table farting and sniffing each others rear ends.”
The National Reporter – That’s terrible.

“In the next scene a group of women are riding down a busy street in a convertible. There has to be around fifteen of them squeezed in the car. I have no idea how my son got that many women into it.” he said. “They are all yacking away not paying any attention to the road with their hands up in the breeze drying their finger nails.”
The National Reporter – Oh dear.
“My son dubbed in their voices. It is a recording of a bunch of chickens cackling in a chicken coop.”
The National Reporter – Wow.
“The women are driving down the busy street yacking away when the car goes up on the sidewalk and plows through the crowd of pedestrians. They run over at least fifty people before the car finds it’s way back onto the street and they continue on their way completely oblivious to what just happened.”

The National Reporter – I’m speechless.
“Yeah,.. the film goes on like that for two solid hours.” He said. “Right now there are around two hundred women in front of my house carrying picket signs.
The National Reporter – That sucks.
“Yeah,.. but on the bright side, Girls stink and have cooties is actually doing very well at the box office. The film has already grossed an estimated 600 million dollars since it opened last weekend.”
The National Reporter – Fantastic. Well Mr. Wriggly. We here at The National Reporter wish you and your son the best of luck with your film.”

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Kaley Cuoco’s sickening restaurant experiance

Kaley Cuoco plays Penny Dunlop on the hit comedy series ‘The big bang theory.’

The National Reporter

Television star Kaley Cuoco who plays sexy Penny Dunlop on the hit television sitcom ‘The big bang theory’ got a rather disgusting surprise while dining in a popular Hollywood eatery.
The incident occurred last weekend when the actress and a few friends went to a popular Hollywood restaurant.
“We had been filming an episode of the big bang theory all day and I was starving.” Miss Cuoco told us.
The National Reporter– I’ll bet it tasted good.
“I don’t know I didn’t eat it.”
The National Reporter– Why not?
“Well, When the waiter placed it in front of me I couldn’t wait to dig in. I started cutting it up when I noticed a strange knot in the meat.”
The National Reporter– A strange knot?
“Yes, a strange knot. It was really hard and difficult to cut though even though the knife was sharp.”
The National Reporter– oh, I see.
“I finally cut the meat up and I was about to eat it when a gentleman who was sitting at the next table jumped up and shouted, Don’t eat that!”
The National Reporter– What did you do?
“Well, I dropped my knife with the meat on it and the man took the plate away from me and looked at it up close.
After a few minutes of examining the meat he told me I was lucky I didn’t eat any of it.”
The National Reporter– What was wrong with it?
“The man was a cancer specialist and he told me the tough knot was actually a malignant tumor”
The National Reporter– Gross.
“You can say that again.” she said. “When he told me I nearly ate a cancerous tumor I almost threw up right then and there.”
The National Reporter– Wow,..ha,ha,..gross.

Watch for cancerous tumors like this in your steak dinners

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Pawn stars Rick Harrison turns down billion dollar ring.

Rick Harrisons famous television pawn shop in Las Vegas.

The National Reporter
On a recent episode of Pawn stars, the highly successful reality series about a family owned pawn shop in Las Vegas,  Rick Harrison the owner of the shop was offered the opportunity to buy what is perhaps the rarest and most historical ring in the world.
Dubbed Nero’s wedding ring when it was first presented to President Abraham Lincoln just two months before his assassination, the ring was intended to be used as an emergency device to alert the newly formed secret service  if the president felt threatened.
Because silent alarms had not yet been invented, it was decided upon to utilize a small device that can be activated by blowing into it, a whistle.
The secret service scientists came up with a beautifully crafted gold siren ring similar to this ring.

Lincolns alarm ring similar to this ring, was  known as Nero’s wedding ring because of the acronym , N.W.R. (Noisy whistle ring)

It is said that many of the people who were in attendance at Fords Theater the night of the assassination reported hearing a strange whizzing sound coming from the presidents balcony box immediately after the fatal gunshot rang out.
In the 1930 film production, “Abraham Lincoln” the whistle sound was used in the sound track for realism based on witness testimony.
Unfortunately the scene was reedited prior to the films release and the whistle sound was removed on the request of the Secret Service.
Many people at the time suspected that they didn’t want the public to know about their failure to protect the president with their amazing whistle ring.
The National Reporter  has managed to obtain an unedited copy of the movie scene for our readers.
In it you will hear the same sound that was heard by witnesses at Fords theater that fateful night.

Shortly after the assassination the ring disappeared and was never seen again until recently on an episode of Pawn Stars.
A man walked into the pawn shop that is seen on television, the reality show Pawn Stars and plopped the ring down in front of Rick Harrison the owner of the shop and asked for five hundred dollars.
“Five hundred,.. dollars?” he laughed.
“That’s right, five hundred dollareenos. Five big ones, five samolioans.”
Rick picked up the ring and looked at it.
“What is it?” He asked.
“What is it you ask?” the man gaufawed. “Why,..it’s Nero’s wedding ring.”
“Emperor Nero?”
“That’s right, Emperor Nero, the big Roman guy.”
“And you say this is his wedding ring?”
Yep,.. the old symbolic ball and chain.”
Rick just shook his head and handed it back to him.
“I’m not interested.” he said.
The man shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the store.
A few days later the secret service came into the store and chased all the customers out.
One man in a black leather trench coat cornered Rick Harrison in a back room as others swarmed in around him.
“What do you know about the ring?” he snarled.
“W,what ring?” Rick asked. he was visibly shaken up by the sudden intrusion of fifty government agents.
” Nero’s wedding ring!” the agent snapped back.
“What?”
“You heard me, where is it?”
“I don’t have it, I told the guy I didn’t want it.”
“You better not be lying to us, see?”
After that the secret service guys left the shop and told everyone who was there that if they said anything about what just happened they would come back and kill them.

The next day The National Reporter went to the pawn shop to ask Rick Harrison what happened.
“Aw jeez, it was awful.” he said. “The shop was swarmed by all these creepy looking Secret Service guys yesterday.”

Rick Harrison the owner of the famous television Pawn shop that is featured on the reality series Pawn Stars.

The National Reporter– What did they want?
“They wanted to know where Nero’s wedding ring was.”
The National Reporter– Nero’s wedding ring?
“Yeah, it’s from the acronym N.W.R. They use it to throw people off of the true name for the ring which is Noisey Whistle Ring. It belonged to President Lincoln and was stolen right after he was assassinated. It’s worth a ton of money.”
The National Reporter– We understand the guy only wanted five hundred dollars for it and it is worth one billion dollars. Why didn’t you buy it?
“I thought it was a cheap little brass kids whistle. How was I supposed to know what it was?”
The National Reporter-Oh well, you live and you learn.
“I suppose.”
The National Reporter– When will we see the episode where you turned down the ring?
“You won’t.” Rick told us. “The secret service took the video and destroyed it and told us if we ever said anything about it to anyone they would come back and kill us.”
The National Reporter– They told us the same thing about airing the deleted scene from the Lincoln movie where they have the sound of Lincoln blowing into the ring to call the Secret Service.
“Ha,ha, they screwed up big time on that.” Rick laughed.
The National Reporter-They sure did Rick, they sure did.

Be sure to watch Pawn Stars on the History channel!

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