Teasing zoo arrogance! “I will feed puppys & kittens to my aligators.”

Little puppys like this are doomed to become alligator food if you don't help.

Little puppys like this are doomed to become alligator food if you don’t help.


The National Reporter
A few weeks ago we here at The National Reporter made a dire plea to our readers to stop the sadistic goings on at a Portland zoo where cruelty is the main attraction.
Owner of teasing zoo; ha,ha,you cant stop me.
We are talking about the abomination called Bob’s teasing zoo.
This sick and twisted business is still open despite our efforts to shut them down.
As a result the owner of the zoo, Bob, is planning to increase his cruelty to punish us for trying to rescue the helpless animals in his grips.
He sent a letter to us here at The National Reporter mocking us and the loyal readers who signed the petition to have him shut down.
Here is the letter he sent to our office reprinted here word for word in violation of his court order forbidding us to reprint it on our webpage.

To whom it may concern,
Listen up you dweebs, your stupid petition and your punk readers can’t stop me from doing what I want to do, understand?
If I want to allow the public to tease stupid animals like they want then that is what I am going to do.
Who cares?
Judging from the tiny number of animal lovers who signed your stupid petition certainly not most of the population.
So, here is what I am going to do just for shits and giggles and to teach you and the other stupid animal lovers a lesson.
I am going to put cute little puppy’s and kittens on sheets of ice and float them out into the middle of the alligator pond.
It will be funny as hell watching the ice melt and the creepy little puppy’s and kittens struggling to keep from falling into the water with my starving alligators.
And you know they are starving because they are my alligators, ha,ha,ha!
I hope you come and see us when we open up this new exhibit.
Bring your camera too, you and your stupid petition can’t stop us because there are not enough stupid animal lovers who care.

Your pal, Bob.

Now is the time to act before this evil bastard starts his sadistic act of animal cruelty.
Please sign the petition and save these poor defenseless animals!
Sign the petition to close down this evil establishment!

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Owner of sadistic teasing zoo; Ha, ha,..you can’t stop me.

A few years ago The National Reporter informed the world about a zoo in Portland, Oregon that is so horrendous and sadistic that most people refuse to believe that such a place can exist in today’s world.
Sadistic zoo angers animal rights groups
Well not only does it exist but the owner is laughing at the efforts of The National Reporter and our loyal readers in our attempt to shut them down with a petition.

Bob's teasing zoo is still in operation despite the attempts of The National Reporter and our readers to shut it down.

Bob’s teasing zoo is still in operation despite the attempts of The National Reporter and our readers to shut it down.


The National Reporter caught up with this criminal at his office in downtown Portland and interviewed him about his mocking attitude towards the few people who bothered to sign the online petition that would have put this exhibition of unspeakable animal cruelty to an end.
“No one cares, ha ha,..” he said. “No one gives a crap about these stupid animals because hardly anyone has signed that stupid petition.
In fact, I am going to get even more animals and make the fun and games ten times more cruel and painful to them. What are they going to do about it, sign a petition with ten signatures? Ahhh,ha,ha,ha!”
The National Reporter – You bastard!
“Shut up four eyes, I can do whatever I want and no one has the guts to stop me, they won’t even sign a stupid online petition. It’s too much work for them. Ha,ha,ha!
I think that most of them would rather come to my zoo and enjoy teasing the stupid animals like normal people anyway.”
The National Reporter – Is there no limit to your cruelty?
“No,..ha,ha,ha. Now get out of my way or I will sue you for interfering in my right to get rich torturing stupid animals.”
The National Reporter – You filthy bastard!
“Hey, watch your mouth four eyes, that’s slander!”

His next animal cruelty exhibition will be one where starving puppys and kittens are lured into very painful traps with bits of food that are tossed by sadistic zoo patrons.
“I should turn a good buck with this great idea.” Bob snickered.

We here at The National Reporter are urging our readers to please help shut down this evil bastards sadistic zoo.
All you have to do is take a minute to sign our petition.
Sign the petition to close down this evil establishment!

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Dog eats peanut butter weiner, owner upset

Oh boy,..peanut butter!

The National Reporter
Jack Bellington of Albany NY was sitting home alone last July 6th after his wife and kids went to the movies.
He was feeling kind of mischievous in a perverted sort of way and decided that he was going to take advantage of the family’s new Labrador puppy, Tessy.
“I figured what the hell,.no one is home so um,.. you know,..heh,heh” he said.
“So I went to the kitchen and got out a jar of peanut butter and pulled out my John Henry and smeared some on it, then I called the dog.
He came in a second later wagging his tail and I was standing there wagging my peanut butter covered,..unit.”
The National Reporter -What happened then?
“Well He stood up on his hind legs when he smelled the peanut butter, then he licked a little off.
“Hell,.. I thought it was the funniest thing I ever saw, then all of a sudden the little bastard chomped down as hard as he could and it was gone!”
The National Reporter– It was gone?
“Yeah,..my damned crank was gone. The damned dog bit it off and he was chomping it down as fast as he could.
Before I knew what was happening it was gone.”
The National Reporter– That’s awful, but it is kind of funny.
“I don’t think it’s funny and neither does my wife. She’s not too happy at all, let me tell you.”
The National Reporter– What did you do after the dog bit it off?
“I called the ambulance, what do you think I did? Hell, I was bleeding to death.
The next day me and the kids followed the dog around waiting for him to you know,..pass it.
But it was no good, it wasn’t like the dog ate a gold ring or something like that.
He digested it and pooped it out.”
The National Reporter– What are you going to do now?
“Well,.. the doctors said they are going to insert a tube so I can go to the bathroom, but as far as any other activity’s, I’m finished.”
A tragic story indeed.
We here at the The National Reporter would like to stress to our readers that smearing your privates with peanut butter or any type of food to entice an animal to lick it off is very dangerous and should only be attempted by a trained professional.

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White poop. The deadly secret.


The National Reporter
In recent months young people across the nation have been experimenting with a very dangerous chemical that can be easily obtained from dog excrement.
Reckless people have discovered the explosive properties of the crystalline substance that forms on the surface of dog poop when it turns white.
When combined with a simple base compound such as ordinary bubble gum, this white substance produces enough explosive power to rival military grade C-4.
So far there have been no serious injuries resulting from this dangerous discovery and law enforcement agencies from coast to coast are on the lookout for anyone experimenting with this substance.
Police cyber units are also watching the internet very closely for persons engaged in providing information on the manufacture of this lethal explosive.
The National Reporter has made this video in an effort to alert parents to this danger and to inform them of the tell tale signs that their children may be manufacturing this volatile explosive.
We advise parents to alert the police immediately if they hear a huge explosion in their neighborhood.

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Gang that plants drugs on innocent people busted!

Members of the notorious wedgie gang are seen here being led into court to be indicted.

The National Reporter
How many times have you watched a television police show and seen someone getting stopped for having drugs in their car?
And how many times have they said something similar to this in their defense?
“But officer, when I was stopped for the traffic light down the street a bunch of guys came up to my car and asked me for directions. They must have tossed those bags of crack in my car,..and that gun too!”
“Sure they did,” the smiling cop says. “Now get on the ground,..STOP RESISTING, STOP RESISTING! TAZER TAZER!!”
ZaaaaAAAAPPP!!!! LOL!

Last week after a five year investigation into gang activity, the FBI arrested several members of a street gang known as the Wedgies.
They call themselves the Wedgies because of their bizarre gang requirement of wearing women’s thong panties tightly drawn up between the cheeks of their buttocks, commonly known as a wedgie.
“We had noticed that quite a few people who were being arrested for drug possession in their cars were claiming in their defense that gangsters had tossed drugs, guns and stolen property into their cars while they were stopped at traffic lights.”Special agent Trent Lockwell told The National Reporter.
“We then conducted an investigation that took almost five years to complete and what we discovered was quite shocking.
This gang of thugs who call themselves the Wedgies would lie in wait for an innocent motorist to stop at a traffic light.
As soon as they had a victim in their sights, they would approach him or her and ask for directions, which is kind of suspicious to begin with.
Being that they were on foot it would seem obvious that they were in their own neighborhood, so why would they be asking people for directions?”
The National Reporter Yes, that does seem a bit odd.
“When they had the persons attention one of the gang members would sneak around to the other side of the car and toss in drugs, guns or something they had stolen in a burglary like a DVD player or a camera. They would make sure that the stolen item had a serial number on it and that the victim had reported it stolen prior to them planting it.
This way the unsuspecting person whose car they tossed it in will be charged with possession of stolen property and perhaps even the burglary.”
The National Reporter Do yu have any idea why they did this?
“Sure, they were bored.”

Members of the Wedgie street gang being arrested during the FBI sweep.


These Wedgies aren’t acting so tough now with their women’s thong panties wedged up their rear ends.
They are on their way to jail for a very long time.

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The day the circus came to town

1857 photo of the mysterious circus tent


The National Reporter
In the early morning hours of August 1857, the town of New Madrid, Missouri was visited by a small unknown circus.
The people of New Madrid naturally welcomed the small circus and eagerly anticipated the show as they set up their operation on the outskirts of town.
By the end of the day the circus was open for business and the excited locals began arriving.
In no time at all the big top was filled to capacity which much to their displeasure, left a few hundred New Madridians outside waiting for the next show.
The sounds of the ring leader shouting through his megaphone, the performers, the music and all the wild animals echoed out across the big field where the circus had set up their big tent.
And then just as the show was about to end, there was silence.
The ring master, the crowds and the howling animals had all suddenly become hushed.
After a few minutes some of the towns folk walked towards the front entrance to the tent and pulled aside the enclosure to peer inside.
They were greeted by an eerie sight.
There was no one inside.
It was completely empty.
Over four hundred towns people, performers and animals had disappeared off of the face of the Earth on that warm August evening in 1857.

The site was closed down and investigated by the finest detectives of the day looking for a clue as to where all those people disappeared to, but they never found anything.
To this day scientists are still scouring the Earth with ground sounding devices looking for underground caves and secret trap doors.
So far there has been no trace of any such underground caverns that could have been used to spirit so many people away unseen by the hundreds waiting outside of the big tent.
All that remains on the location is a plaque dedicated to the missing.
The bizarre occurence is still one of the most puzzling missing persons mystery in the U.S. to this day.

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New riot control weapon in police arsonal

Riot police show off their new riot control weapons

The National Reporter
Police departments around the globe are praising a new weapon that is guaranteed to fend off rowdy rioters without the use of deadly force.
The simple device is the latest invention in Smith&Wesson’s long line of law enforcement oriented products.
“What we did is very simple.”Smith&Wesson chief of development told us. “We took a piece of wood that we use to make standard sized batons and instead of cutting it down, we left it at twice its normal size. Then we skewered a sizable wad of dog feces on the end and viola,.. a new non leathal riot control weapon was born!”
The National Reporter – This is remarkable, and from what we have heard it is completely safe and causes no ill effects.
“That’s absolutly true, it is already in use by several police agencys and they have given it the thumbs up across the board.”

A rioter being sub-dood by police using the new non lethal weapon.

The new device couldn’t have come at a better time as more and more frequent food shortages and failing economys around the world are causing a backlash against those who are responsible.
“If the People are going to rise up against the government, the government has to keep them under control.” Attorney General Eric Holder said. “This new anti riot device not only works very well to silence rioters, its very design also speaks very well for the way the government treats the people who elected us.”

Take that you rioter! You are now a marked man!

So far the new device has led to the break up of several riots around the world and the people are being sub-dood and forced back into submission.
The government is very pleased with the new device and plans to incorporate it into everyday use such as hall monitoring in public schools and to make sure the thriving shopping mall industry is safe and secure from shop lifters.

Supply line stands ready for the riot to begin.

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Confirmed by the U.S. parks department; Big foot is a homo!

Big scary monster is a fruit.

The National Reporter
While on a routine flight over the heavily wooded terrain of the pacific north west, park rangers photographed what appears to be the infamous big foot engaging in a lascivious act with another male of his species.
“We couldn’t believe what we were seeing.” Ranger Johnson told us. “I saw him first, the big foot that is, walking along a path.
As I positioned my camera in his direction I noticed that something to his left had caught his attention and he slowed down his pace to look at it. After I snapped the first photograph I turned to see what it was.
It was another male Sasquatch about a hundred feet away bent over with his rear end up in the air.”

The big foot was enticed by the other males rear end as he walked past.

“We circled around for another look and by the time we got back the first big foot was standing right behind the bent over big foot and he was,..um,..you know. pleasuring himself as he gazed at the other bigfoots rear end.”

The bent over big foot was pretending not to notice the amorous Sasquatch behind him.


“It was funny because the bent over big foot was pretending like he didn’t know the other one was behind him, he was just picking at the ground.” Ranger Waller said. “There wasn’t anything there, he was just picking at the ground as an excuse for having his rump up in the air like that.”
“Yeah, and the other one liked what he saw.” Ranger Johnson added.
The National Reporter – What happened next?
“Well,..the one standing behind the bent over one just tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around.” Ranger Waller said.”As soon as he saw that he was,..you know,..in an aroused state, he dropped to his knees and began performing oral sex on him.”

The shamless homo big feet didn't care that the two rangers were circling them in their plane watching what they were doing.

“We circled around them for about fifteen minutes, then we had to leave because we were running low on fuel.” Ranger Waller said.
The National Reporter – Do you think that this is an isolated incident or is it possible that all big feet are gay?
“That’s hard to say.” Ranger Johnson said. “We don’t get to see them as often as we would like. And even when we do see them we are forbidden to tell anyone about it.
As you are probably aware, the department of the interior keeps big foot a closely guarded secret. There are actually thousands of them roaming the forests but we are bound by law to remain silent about their existence because of the non-intervention treaty of 1741.”
The National Reporter – The non-intervention treaty of 1741?
“Yes, the secret treaty that the colonists signed with the leaders of the Sasquatch nation. It’s very simple, we don’t mess with them and they don’t mess with us.”
The National Reporter – so, what you are saying is that this story can’t be shared with the public?
“That’s right.”
The National Reporter – I’ll be sure to keep it under wraps then.
“That would be greatly appreciated.” Ranger Waller said. “If the public found out that there where thousands of big feets roaming around the woods it would cause a panic and a lot of resentment towards the government for not saying anything about it.”
The National Reporter -Of course. I’ll keep quiet about the whole thing, you can count on it.

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Man grows potato with internal organs

Dissected potato contains living flesh organs like a human being

The National Reporter
Idaho is famous for its potatos, but a recently developed strain of potato has local farmers and the state agriculture department worried.
Zack Efram, a local potato grower and amature genetic scientist has managed to create a new strain of tuber that contains working organs like a human being.
The National Reporter went to Idaho to speak with Mr. Efram about his creation.
The National Reporter – How did you manage to create a potato with organs?
“Well, I started with frog genes, you see. I introduced a frogs genetic code into the cellular compound of a potato.” He said. “I was trying to create a potato with an elastic skin that would have a meaty taste to it, but it failed over and over again.”
The National Reporter – What was your reaction when you opened this potato and saw that it contained internal organs?
“Well, I was taken back a little, you can imagine seeing something like that. The little heart was beating and I could see greenish blood pumping through the tiny veins. The whole inside of the potato was alive when I sliced it open.”

Idaho potato farmer Zack Efram is seen here holding a freshly picked living organ potato

The National Reporter – What happened after you sliced it open?
“After I sliced it open? Well, the organs were moving around because they were alive and functioning. But after a few minutes they slowed down and stopped. I guess the damn thing died.”
The National Reporter – Have you tasted any of these organ potatos yet?
“What are you kidding?” He laughed. “I wouldn’t eat one of those damn things if you paid me a million bucks. Shoot, they scare the hell out of me, are you serious?”
The National Reporter -What are your plans for them?
“Well hell, I don’t know.” He said. “I wish I hadn’t grown any of them at all. They’re all over the place now. Some of the damn things are sprouting legs and walking around the farm. My wife is scared out of her mind of the damned things.”
The National Reporter – They are growing legs and walking around? That is amazing.
“Yeah,..amazing. You can have the whole lot of them.” he said.

Zack Efram isn’t sure what he is going to do with these amazing potatos and we have learned that the Idaho department of agriculture may seize his farm to prevent the spread of his living organ potatos as they have been declared a biological threat.
As always, The National Reporter will stay on top of this story as it unfolds.

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Sadistic zoo angers animal rights groups

Bob's Teasing zoo has become a topic of outrage and concern among animal rights activists

The National Reporter
Animal rights groups in Portland Oregon are steaming mad over a new zoo that recently opened in the downtown district.
It is a zoo where visitors can tease, harass and even cause pain to innocent animals.
“What the hell kind of place is this where young children are handed slingshots and told to shoot animals?” Peta activist Clarg Romwell said in disgust.
The National Reporter – Are you saying the zoo officials allow people to shoot their animals with slingshots?
“Allow them?” He grunted. “They give them the slingshots and then the kids tip toe out behind a park ‘hunting guide’ to shoot unsuspecting animals.  When the animal runs off in pain, the park’s ‘hunting guide” has a big laugh with the kids. It’s sickening.”

A park guide and his youthful gang of hunters sneaking up behind this unsuspecting baby elephant with slingshots.

The National Reporter  walked around the park to investigate the cruel and bizarre goings on at this zoo.
What we found was quite disturbing.
In front of the monkey cages was the usual vending machines where you put in a dime and a handful of peanuts drop out for visitors to toss to the monkeys.
But at this zoo, the peanuts have a long string attached to them so the visitors can pull the treats away from the monkeys before they reach them.
Some of the more sadistic visitors wait until the monkeys have eaten them so they can pull them out of their mouths and then watch them chase them around the cage.
The National Reporter  was on hand to witness some of the  sadistic bastards laughing their fool heads off at this mean game.

In the aquarium section there is a big glass tank with several large fish swimming around inside of it.
I watched as a group of children banged on the glass while laughing at a poor fish swimming in circles apparently trying to get away from the painful vibrations their pounding was causing in the water.
I was going to tell them to stop when I saw the sign painted on the glass encouraging visitors to bang on the glass.

The poor fish had nowhere to escape the painful vibrations the children where causing by banging their fists against the aquarium glass.

I walked over to the alligator pit and watched in horror as young children played “wake up Wally” under the supervision of a zoo official.
What they did was tie an M-80 firecracker to a long stick, lite it and then dangle it over the head of a sleeping alligator.
When the large deafening fire cracker exploded, the poor alligator leaped into the air and scrambled into the water with all the other startled alligators.
I have no doubt in my mind that the poor thing was totally deaf from all the times it had been subjected to this cruel trick and was reacting to the percussion of the big firework.

This poor aligator is about to get a wake up call from the sadistic bastards who run this zoo.

I couldn’t stay there and listen to the laughter coming from the zoo officials and the children  any longer.
I walked over to the big cat area figuring no one would dare mess with them because cats don’t take to kindly to humans doing mean things to them.
Naturally I was wrong.
In front of the Tiger compound there was a booth full of water pistols with a big sign that read, ‘Shoot the Tiger in the ass with turpentine.’
For a small fee of five dollars, guests were handed a squirt gun and told to shoot the unsuspecting Tiger in the anus with the harsh burning solvent.
I could just imagine how excruciatingly painful it must have been for the poor Tiger.
As I stood there in total disbelief by what I was seeing, a young girl around 21 years old walked up and handed the booth attendant five dollars and picked up a green squirt gun.
She and her snickering date then walked over to the fence to wait for a Tiger to walk by.
A second later, a Tiger (who seemed to have been forced from his hiding place) walked out onto the path in front of the young lady.
She raised her squirt gun and waited patiently for him to walk past her so she could get a good clean shot at his tender hind quarters.
As soon as the target was in full view, she squeezed the trigger and unleashed a long stream of turpentine that struck the poor Tiger directly in his anus.

Wait for it,..wait for it,..This cruel game was one of the more sadistic attractions at the teasing zoo.

The Poor Tiger screeched at the top of his lungs and leaped six feet into the air, then dragging his burning rear end on the ground made his way back to its hiding place behind the shrubbery.
The young lady and her date were in hysterics.
The National Reporter – Do you think its fun to cause a poor defenseless animal pain like that?
“Are you talking to us?” Her date asked.
The National Reporter  -Yes I am.
“What are you,..one of those animal right’s whack jobs?”
The young girl giggled at her dates remark.
The National Reporter – No,.I’m a reporter for The National Reporter.
“Wow,..The National Reporter?” he said. “The same National Reporter that prides itself on the fact that each and every news story they cover has the world famous and highly respected seal of honesty from the International Reporters Association?”

The National Reporter – Yes, it is extremely cruel to animals and you two should leave and never come back here.
“If The National Reporter says this is wrong then it must be. We’ll leave right now and never come back here to this awful place!” they said.
I watched as they quickly made their way to the parking lot and left without looking back.
I only hoped that I could reach other visitors and show them how sick and depraved this zoo was.
I made my way over to the hippo pond and watched as a very large and seemingly happy hippo splashed around in the hot afternoon sun enjoying the cool water.
“How could anyone want to do anything cruel to this animal?” I thought to myself.
Then I saw it.
A booth about fifty feet away with a line of excited kids standing in front of it.
“Oh dear lord, what kind of cruel act are these kids paying to perform on this gentile beast?” I said out loud.
An old gray haired woman with no teeth looked up at me as she hobbled past me on her old aluminum cane that was wrapped in gray duct tape around the bottom.
No doubt the length adjuster was broken and this was the only way she could fix it without breaking out her coin purse and freeing all the tiny cartoon moths within.
She muttered something under her breath, I wasn’t sure what it was but it sounded like, “Move,..your standing in the way!”
undeterred by the miserable old cow, I made my way over to the booth to see what kid of deranged act of cruelty could be had for a few measly dollars.
What I saw was shocking.
For ten dollars a guest could push a button and zap the hippo with 100 thousand volts of electricity.
It was guaranteed to knock the poor animal out cold for at least a full minute and you could laugh your fool head off watching him spasm uncontrollably in the water.

Go on Timmy, push the button for some laughs!

I watch a young lad around ten years old hand the attendant ten dollars and he opened  the gate for him.
The kid walked up to a the zapper button and stood in front of  it for a few seconds.
He seemed kind of apprehensive about pushing the button.
Perhaps he was feeling a little sorry for the hippo, after all the hippo didn’t do anything to him.
Why would he want to zap the hippo with 100 thousand volts of electricity?
I walked over to the little boy and smiled.
“That’s it son, do the right thing.” I said.
He looked up at me, smiled and nodded his head.
Then he and slammed his little palm against the button sending 100 thousand volts of electricity into the pond.
The hippo jerked wildly as it slowly rolled over in the water with its legs spasming and flailing the air.
The entire surface of the water rippled violently from the high voltage coursing through it.
A second later the little boy was mobbed by his little friends who patted him on the back with shouts of “Good F—ing job!” and “Dude,..you zapped that Mother F—ing bastard good!”
Then his father came over and with a big proud grin and said,”What do you say champ,.want to go celebrate with some F—ing ice cream?”
This reporter just stood there in disbelief for what I had witnessed at this zoo.
The National Reporter supports the closing of this sadistic zoo and encourages our readers to petition for the arrest of the owners.

Click here and sign the pettition to close down this sick twisted hell hole!
Close down Bob’s teasing zoo!

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