February 7, 2014 Leave a comment
The National Reporter
When eight year old Thomas Wriggly asked his father for funds to produce his own motion picture his father had no idea what he was getting into.
“I just figured he was going to make a film with his little friends about monsters and wizards, you know, what you would expect from an eight year old..” Thomas Wriggly Sr. explained.
“I would never have guessed in a million years that it would be anything like this.”
The National Reporter – “What was your first reaction to the film when you saw the title?”
“At first I was amused, then the reality began to hit me when I realized how offensive it was to women.”
The National Reporter – “What was so offensive about it?”
“Well, first it was the title.”
The National Reporter – “What was the title?”
“It was um,..I am almost afraid to tell you what it is.”
The National Reporter – It’s O.K. The National Reporter is a highly respected news service recognized by the International Reporters association for our honesty, truthfulness and integrity. People will understand when they read it here.
“O.K., I guess I can trust The National Reporter. If we can’t trust the National Reporter for providing the public with honest and truthful news story’s then who can we trust?”
The National Reporter – Well certainly not the main stream media. Ha,ha.
“Yeah,.. the main stream media really shovels the B.S. to the stupid public and the idiots eat it up.”
The National Reporter -They sure do, Mr. Wriggly. They sure do.
“I guess it’s safe to tell you since you are The National Reporter and not some lying news media out to appease their advertisers.”
“The title of my son’s film is “Girls stink and have cooties.”
The National Reporter – Wow,..ha,ha. That is really offensive to women.”
“I know. It’s embarrassing as hell.”
The National Reporter – I understand you are quite wealthy and you gave your son a substantial amount of money to produce this film. Can you tell me exactly how much that was?”
“Yes,..I financed his film with nearly 124 million dollars.”
The National Reporter – That is quite substantial. That is what major motion picture studios spend on their films.
What is offensive about the film besides the title?”
“Well,.. in the opening scene it shows a group of women sitting around a table talking away while they are eating and drinking.”
The National Reporter – What is so offensive about that?
“They are talking about how much women like to smell their farts and eat, um,..dog feces.” he said.
The National Reporter – Wow,.. that is offensive.
“It gets worse,.. at first the viewer thinks they are eating brownies and drinking lemon-aid until the camera pans in and it becomes obvious that they are eating dog feces and drinking urine.”
The National Reporter – Yuck,.. no wonder it has so many women’s groups riled up.
“After that they all run around the table farting and sniffing each others rear ends.”
The National Reporter – That’s terrible.
“In the next scene a group of women are riding down a busy street in a convertible. There has to be around fifteen of them squeezed in the car. I have no idea how my son got that many women into it.” he said. “They are all yacking away not paying any attention to the road with their hands up in the breeze drying their finger nails.”
The National Reporter – Oh dear.
“My son dubbed in their voices. It is a recording of a bunch of chickens cackling in a chicken coop.”
The National Reporter – Wow.
“The women are driving down the busy street yacking away when the car goes up on the sidewalk and plows through the crowd of pedestrians. They run over at least fifty people before the car finds it’s way back onto the street and they continue on their way completely oblivious to what just happened.”
The National Reporter – I’m speechless.
“Yeah,.. the film goes on like that for two solid hours.” He said. “Right now there are around two hundred women in front of my house carrying picket signs.
The National Reporter – That sucks.
“Yeah,.. but on the bright side, Girls stink and have cooties is actually doing very well at the box office. The film has already grossed an estimated 600 million dollars since it opened last weekend.”
The National Reporter – Fantastic. Well Mr. Wriggly. We here at The National Reporter wish you and your son the best of luck with your film.”
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