Blackbeards parrot still alive and talking 292 years after the famed pirates death

Pepe, the 306 year old pet parrot of famed pirate Blackbeard.

The National Reporter
Pepe the parrot, Blackbeard’s companion during his famous exploits on the high seas, is still alive and talking up a storm 292 years after Blackbeard’s death and what he has to say has historians in an up roar.
It was previously believed that Blackbeard was killed during a battle with sailors sent to kill him on orders from Virginas governor, Alexander Spotswood.
But according to Pepe the parrot, this story is not true.
Black beard the pirate was killed in a fight with his life long nemesis, Popette.

Popette the sailing man, Blackbeard's arch nemesis and according to Pepe, the man who killed the famous pirate.

Pepe explained to a crowded room at MIT that the long-standing feud between Blackbeard and Popette began when they were in their early twenties.
They both had a crush on the daughter of Eliza McMurryweather, the local businessman who had made a fortune in the importing business in particular the olive oil trade which was very lucrative in the days preceding the discovery of crude oil.
Olive oil was prefered over whale oil because it was only a fraction of the price and had more uses.
Pepe told the audience that it was during their very first fist fight that Blackbeard suffered an injury that would cause him a great deal of pain for the rest of his life.
He had broken the big toe on his left foot and he foolishly let it go untreated.
As a result, the toe became permanently discolored dark blue.
Popette would mock him when ever their paths crossed by calling him, ‘Blue toe.”

Teresa McMurryweather the daughter of olive oil importer Eliza McMurryweather was the apple of both Blackbeard's and Popette's eye.

When they were in their early thirtys they ran into each other in a saloon in Haiti and immediately got into a brutal fist fight that lasted for nearly an hour.
During the scuffle, Blackbeard stabbed Popette in the face with a dagger which resulted in the loss of his eye.
Because of the persistent pain in his eye socket, Popette began ingesting large quanitys of marijuana .
After years of abusing the drug he developed a drug induced psychosis that made him believe that the marijuana had the ability to give him super strength and added to that the constant exposure to the harsh resins, his vocal chords became severely damaged resulting in his well-known gravely voice.

Blackbeard the pirate, also known as Blue toe because of the discolored big toe he acquired during a fistfight with Popette the sailing man.

Because of his advanced age, Pepe was only able to speak for a short time.
He was returned to his room by his nursing staff and is expected to continue his speaking tour in a few days.
The National Reporter will be on hand when he does.

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14 Responses to Blackbeards parrot still alive and talking 292 years after the famed pirates death

  1. Anon says:

    LOL! My dad believes this 300+ year old parrot story is true!

  2. Holy Moley! I saw that first picture and thought the story was about Dick Cheney!

  3. Christine says:

    absolutely amazing

  4. Idiot says:

    Lol no parrot could last more than 100 years at all.

  5. amanda says:

    That’s clearly a bird with a feather-plucking problem, probably resulting from neglect. Parrots can’t live to 100, let alone 300. This makes me very angry and if you’re an animal person, you should be angry about it too.

    • Millie Arkey says:

      What the hell is an animal person?
      Is that like someone who is half human and half goat?
      Why should someone who is half goat be angry about anything other than having such a shitty life because his mother screwed goats?

  6. Angel says:

    This is nonsense! The bird is dead!

  7. I can’t believe that not a single supposedly intelligent person who left comments here have seen the obvious pun in this story.
    Let me give you a hint.
    It’s not about the parrot.

  8. Robert Kingston says:

    i really doubt any of these are stories by the national reporter. because it sounds like stories that the national enqueirer would print. just 2 have something 2 write about. if you have genuine proof, instead of pictures(because photos can b faked) i’ve seen photo’s like these and later learned they were fakes. i know, because i’m a proffesional photographer. so your story won’t wash.

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