Maternity ward miracle, woman lays egg!

Edith Romwell and her bouncing baby egg are doing fine.

The National Reporter

Edith Romwell of Iowa surprised hospital officials at Des Moines general hospital maternity ward last week in what is being heralded as the very first incident of a human being laying an egg.
The bizarre miracle occurred last week after Edith arrived at Des Moines general hospital in extreme pain and an exceptionally swollen belly.
“When I saw how swollen she was I knew something strange was going on.” Nurse Betty Billingsly told us. “I have been a maternity nurse for over twenty years an I have never seen a woman that large. It was incredible.”
Because of its massive size, the egg had to be delivered via a cesarean section during a grueling seven hour procedure.
“When I opened her up I was completely puzzled by what I saw.” Doctor Farnsworth, chief surgeon said. “I mean,. it wasn’t what I was expecting to see. I opened her up and there was this weird solid white shell in front of me with pulsing veins and arteries. At first I thought it was a massive tumor, but then I realized that it was an egg like a bird would lay,. It blew my mind.”

The egg was covered with pulsing viens and arteries.

Biologists from all over the world have been arriving in Des Moines to study the strange egg.
“This much stranger than goat man baby.” Doctor Ilia Kragovich from the institute of Moscow told us.
“In my country man goat baby fall from sheep and die. We save remains in museum jar and have many people to see it all the time,. is true.”
For the time being, Edith Romwell and her husband have custody of the egg child pending an investigation by the federal department of strange birth investigations.
“ The thing that worries us the most is what is in side the egg.” Special agent Jackson Mooney told us.
“What if it isn’t human? What if it’s some sort of monster like a dinosaur or something? What then?

What then indeed.
As always, The National Reporter will keep our readers up to date on further developments in this strange case.

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Giant woman arrested after restaurant melee

Amanda Berkly is seen here on security footage entering the restroom area

The National Reporter
Amanda Berkly who suffers from a rare condition known as giganticus was arrested last week after she had caused a disturbance at Jack and Earls restaurant in East Philly P.A.
Miss Berkly, who stands 8′ 6″ entered the restaurant at around 8:00pm and made her way to the  restroom.
“Usually the restrooms are for paying customers, but we don’t stop anyone from using them if it is an emergency.”  manager Todd Brown told us.
Miss Berkly huffed and puffed as she hobbled to the restroom on her crutches, she can barely walk because of the gross disfiguration in her legs and it takes her quite awhile to get from one place to another.
She had drawn considerable attention from the patrons as one would expect and most of them were watching the giant woman as she hobbled along.
Once she was inside the restroom, things went back to normal with the sounds of silverware clattering, glasses clinking and people talking.
Ten minutes later the restroom door swung open and Miss Berkly exited in a hurry.
Her face was red and she trained her eyes on the floor in front of her as she struggled along on her crutches seemingly faster than when she went in.
“I thought that was kind of odd.” Todd Brown said. “Typically a person is in a hurry to get to the restroom, not the other way around.”
When she was about halfway to the exit, a woman was heard screaming from the lady’s room and everyone in the restaurant became silent.
“Oh my God!!! What the hell is that in the toilet!!”
Miss Berkly was the only person in the room who didn’t turn around when the woman screamed and she seemed to hasten her way towards the door.
Todd Brown and a few waiters ran to the restroom and what they saw inside shocked them.
It was a solid human fece’s that looked like it was around three feet long and weighing around 30 to 40 pounds hanging halfway out of the toilet.
It was a fece’s specimen that only a giant could produce.

The fece's specimen was around 3 feet long and hanging put of the toilet.

“Stop that woman!” the manager yelled. Immediately several employees blocked the exit, trapping Miss Berkly in the restaurant.
She tried to turn direction and head for the door on the far side of the room, but the employees were too fast for her.
“I approached Miss Berkly and tried to be as discreet as possible so as to not humiliate her any further.”  Todd Brown told us. “I was trying to be as nice about it as I could and I told her that she had to take care of the little problem she left in the lady’s room.  I informed her that we will give her a stick to break up the huge,..thing,..you know what I mean?   That’s when the trouble started and she flipped out on us.   She started swinging her crutches around knocking over chairs and tables breaking glasses and everything.  The customers were screaming and running out of the building.
We tried to restrain her but because of her size she was throwing off my people like they were little kids. I never saw anything like it.

The aftermath of Miss Berklys rampage.

Within minutes after her rampage began the police arrived and she was subdued with the employment of several taser guns.
“After she was handcuffed and raised to her feet, I went into the lady’s room to investigate the cause of the whole ruckus.”  Sgt. Jeremy Runyon said. “I never saw a turd that big and I have been to the Philly zoo hundreds of times.  That thing just didn’t look like it came from a human.”
Miss berkly was shouting obscenities at the news reporters as she was led out to the police car.
“Yeah? Bite me, yah friggin’ pip squeaks!” She snarled. “I’ll dump a whopper on yer heads like I did in there.”
Miss Berkly is being held in the city jail on 50 thousand dollar bond.
So far no one has bailed her out.

Miss Berkly is seen here taunting news reporters with threats and insults.

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Sleazy tabloid plagiarizes story from The National Reporter!

The Global Tabloids Feb. 10, 2010 is out right theft of The National Reporter's Dec. 7th, 2009 article.

The National Reporter

The lowlife sleazy scum who run The Global Tabloid have once again shown their inability and unwillingness to report the truth with the same honesty and integrity as the dedicated men and women at The National Reporter who work tirelessly to bring our readers the truth.
They have plagiarized our exclusive story about the very first authentic photograph taken of legendary Jersey devil that The National Reporter showed to the world on December 7th, 2009. two months prior to The Global Tabloids theft of our story.

Read the original Story here.
The Jersey devil captured on film!

As soon as The Global Tabloid’s rag hit the stands this morning, our readers began swamping our phones with complaints.
Many of them are experienced lawyers who have offered to sue The Global Tabloid for plagiarism on our behalf, but we had to decline their generous offer.
The National Reporter has a legal staff who are experts on plagiarism cases.
What upset us is the fact that so many people are going to buy The Global tabloid and believe that they were the first news service to break the story.
What really made us angry was the bogus images they used which we will examine right now.

In the first photo which was also used on the cover, we see what is supposed to be the Jersey devil standing in front of an old abandoned house in the woods.
This looks nothing at all like the real Jersey devil, which of course can be proven very easily by comparing it to the genuine photograph taken by Dave Morrison.
Anyone can see that this is an actor wearing a pair of phony bat wings.

Cover photo. Anyone can see that this is obviously an actor.


In the second photograph we see the same actor standing behind a fence in a menacing stance.
This is the photograph that necessitated the disclaimer on the front page warning the readers that it was so frightening that viewing it can make them to throw up.

According to the Global Tabloid's warning, this image is so scary that it can make you throw up.


After close examination of these photographs The National Reporter has concluded without a shadow of a doubt that they are not the Jersey devil, they are fake.
With that in mind, the public has to come to the realisation that there are unscrupulous news agencys out there who will lie, plagiarize and fabricate ridiculous storys for their own selfish reasons.
They don’t care if their storys cause the public to panic, that is not their concern.
Their only concern is how much money they can squeeze out of John Q. Public.
And it isn’t just the seedy news reporters who make this junk up, there are also the every day ordinary people who get involved with them to make money as well.
We decided to track down the actor who played the Jersey devil for The Global Tabloid to find out who he is and why he sold out to that sleeze rag.
It didn’t take us very long thanks to The National Reporters face identification machine.
We scanned the face of the actor in the fake Jersey devil images and within a few minutes the owner of said face was identified.
It was none other than former Happy days star, Henry Winkler.
According to people who know him, this is just the sort of thing that he would do.
Apparently he thought lying to millions of people and helping a sleazy paper like the Global Tabloid would be a fun way to spend his weekend.

Aaaaaayyyy,... the fonz had fun making a few bucks fooling all you idiots who read The Global Tabloid!

And now to show our readers what real reporting is all about, we have for you an exclusive photograph taken by an army private stationed at Fort Dix NJ, which is located inside the pine barrens.
There are only two genuine photographs of the Jersey devil in existance and The National Reporter has been given exclusive rights to both of them.
Don’t fall for any sleazy tabloid who says they have photographs of the Jersey devil.

Photograph of the Jersey devil hiding in the ruins of an old house inside of the pine barrens. This photograph was taken by an Army private from nearby Fort Dix who wishes to remain anonymous.

Fort Dix Army private who took the photograph seen here stealing a television set from recreation hall. His face has been blacked out to protect his identity.

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Exclusive National Reporter Exposé. Giant skeleton is a fraud!

Huge skeleton uncovered in Northern India is a fake.

The National Reporter
In 2007 a story circulated the internet claiming that a massive skeleton was unearthed in northern India.
Kedar, a writer for the The Eastern Horizon first exposed this shameful hoax when it began circulating the internet.
Being that The National Reporter is always looking for the truth and determined to expose false reporting, we were also sceptical of the story and decided after three years to get the whole story behind this hoax.
What we discovered came as no surprise to us and we are certain it will be no surprise to our readers.
The giant skeleton is a fake, it is made out of wood.
We uncovered the truth about the giant skeleton and the motive behind its creation within hours after we arrived in northern India.

It all began in early 2006 when the Brahma lumber mill burned to the ground.
The business was not insured, so the owner Artimus Punjab had to come up with some quick cash to rebuild his company.
He was told by a shady local character known as “Bunti, the slimey one” that the tabloids are always looking for ridiculously fake storys to sell to their readers who they consider stupid and retarded.
Artimus then arranged a meeting with “Ungus Frungus, a notorious liar from the nearby village and together they forged the story about finding a giant human skeleton.
All they had to do was manufacture the skeleton, plant it in the ground and then pretend that it had been discovered in an archeological excavation after which they would sell the story and photographs to the shady tabloids and make thousands of dollars.

Brahma lumber mill going up in flames in 2006

Artimus and Ungus went to work on the giant skeleton in what remained of the Brahma lumber mill.
After a full month of tireless carving and cutting, they had finished the skeleton and were ready to sneak it across the country side to a pre-determined location.
Once their giant wooden skeleton was in place, they contacted the shady tabloids and cut a lucrative deal with them to defraud the public with their bogus story.

Artimus Punjab and Ungus Frungus are seen here fashioning a leg bone for the giant skeleton in the ruins of the Brahma lumber mill.

The completed skeleton prior to being taken to the fake archeological dig.

Artimus Punjab is seen here (center; standing on lumber wearing the hat) with his gang of co-conspirators in the process of placing the fake wooden skeleton in the hole.

Artimus and Ungus met with the tabloid’s head fake story scout Slick Weasleman in a dark bar that is located in Bombay’s seedy underbelly, a bar where no decent person would dare to venture.
It was here that they were introduced to the evil side of news reporting that only the tabloids could manifest with their twisted and warped sense of reporting where lies are sold as the truth and reporting the news has been reduced to scamming the public with filthy lies just to make a quick buck.
Slick Weasleman liked the story that the two liars had conjured up.
“He,he,..this is just the kind of crap that the stupid retards who read our garbage tabloids love to eat up.” He cackled. His beady eyes darted about the sleazy bar as he chomped on his cheap cigar.
Everything about him was despicable.
His cheap suit, his cheap cigars. Even his cheap after shave smelled sneaky and underhanded.
There can be no doubt that Slick Weasleman was a scoundrel through and through and it was his foul demeanor that landed him his job at the tabloids.

Slick Weasleman, the sneaky con artist from the tabloids who helped Artimus and Ungus lie to the world.

Once the deal was made, Slick Weasleman transferred ten thousand dollars to Artimus for his story and the lie began circulating across the globe within days.
Millions of people believed the story as it made it’s rounds through the internet, that is until it came to the attention of intelligent people such as Kedar of the Eastern Horizon who first came to the realisation that the story was a hoax.
When the hoax was discovered and proven, Artimus and Ungus disappeared into the woods and haven’t been heard from since.
The Indian government has confiscated the dirty money they got from the tabloids and have threatened to sue them for aiding in the lie.
“Who,.. us?” A tabloid president said. “We ain’t got nothing to do with it, see. Go on, try and pin it on us. I dare ya, see. Yeah,.. go ahead, you got nothing on us.”
The tabloids had no further comment.

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Shocking Kennedy secret revealed; the tale of Ted’s tail.

The National Reporter
A secret that has been kept from the public for over 77 years has been exposed by a close confidant of the Kennedy clan.
The whistle blower, (who wishes to remain anonymous) has supplied The National Reporter with shocking unretouched photographs of Ted Kennedy taken at various times during his life.
What these photographs reveal has never been seen by anyone outside of the Kennedys tightly guarded political circle, until now.
As you can plainly see in these following unretouched photographs of Edward Kennedy, he had a condition known as Sacrococcygeal teratoma.
In laymans terms,..Ted Kennedy had a tail.

In this unretouched photograph, you can see Ted's tail protruding from under his suit in plain sight of the people behind him.

Photograph of Ted's tail in plain sight before being removed from the photograph with a computer imaging program.

This unflattering photo of the late senator was never shown until his tail was air brushed out of the image.

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Skeletal remains of half cat / half human now on display in Cairo museum

The National Reporter
The skeletal remains of what appears to be a half  human / half cat has been removed from the recently discovered hidden chamber of the great pyramid and is now on display in Cairo’s national museum.
Scientists from around the globe have been arriving in Egypt to study the strange skeleton,  many of them do not believe that it could be real.
“We know that the ancient Egyptians were accomplished taxidermist, this is most likely one of their creations they made to scare away thieves.”  Dr. Jason Hendley of Oxford university told us.

Find out more about this amazing story here.
Hidden chamber discovered in peak of great pyramid

Some of the scientists agree with Dr, Hendley while others are less sceptical.
“I find it quite perplexing that the spinal column of the creature is actually attached to the skull.”  Dr.Winston Gorjone explained. “If this was the creation of some ancient taxidermist, the attachment of the skull to the spinal column would have been obvious.  There would be wire holding the skull to the spinal column. In this case, there is not.   The bone is fused together naturally which would indicate that this skeleton may indeed be the remains of some long forgotten species of animal.”

The half cat/ half human skeleton that was found in the recently discovered hidden chamber in the great pyramid.

“What we must not forget is that ancient Egyptian lore is filled with half human/half animal beings.” Dr. Gorjone said. “The question that now lies before us is whether or not they were imaginary or if they really existed.

Examples of ancient Egyptian half human/ half animal Gods.

The National Reporter – What can you tell us about the mysterious floating orb that was found in the hidden chamber?
“I am not at liberty to discuss it.” Dr. Gorjone said. “For now the golden sphere is considered a state secret by the Egyptian government and we are not allowed to discuss it with anyone.”
The National Reporter – How soon do you think the secret of the floating sphere will be uncovered and when it is, will this information be released to the public?
“Right now the sphere is still inside the great pyramid. From what I have been told it can not be moved.  Technicians have tried using hydraulic pistons to force it free from its present position, but the force field it is generating is to powerful.   What it is and how it has managed to stay afloat for thousands of years is still a mystery.”

The National Reporter  will be on hand when the mystery of the floating orb is discovered and we can guarantee our readers that they will read it here first.

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Banana face wins 75 dollars in local store contest

Albert Dreken (banana face) receiving 75 dollar check from store owner Buck Stilman.

The National Reporter
Albert Dreken has never had much luck in his 19 years until he took a chance and bought a raffle ticket at his local hardware store.
“The ticket cost a dollar, but I had a feeling that I should risk it.”  he told us.  “I don’t know why I had such a carefree attitude that day, but I went for it and I am happy I did.”
The National Reporter – How did you find out that you were the lucky winner?
“They had the drawing two days before I found out that I had won.  No one showed up to claim the prize, so they wrote the winning number on a big piece of cardboard and put it up in the store window.
I was walking by and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to check my ticket to see if it was the winner.”
The National Reporter – What did you do when you discovered that you were the winner?
“I felt pretty good about it.” He said. “I can really use the money.”

Albert Dreken (banana face) felt pretty good about winning the raffle.

The National Reporter – What are you going to do with your winnings?
“I was thinking of maybe putting most of it towards my electric bill and keeping a few dollars tucked away for a rainy day.”
The National Reporter – Perhaps you can take your girlfriend out for a movie and dinner.
“My what?”
The National Reporter – You can invest your money in stocks and bonds. You never know, you might get lucky again.
“I don’t want to push it.” He said. “Just because I won big this time doesn’t mean I will do it again.”

© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.