Actor Danny Bonaduce finds huge gold nugget in Alaska

You're not going to believe what I just found!

The National Reporter
Actor Danny Bonaduce was invited by friends to go on a week-long gold hunting expedition in Alaska last month.
“It was just something to do, you know, get out in the fresh air and enjoy nature.” He said. “I never expected to find any gold, none of us really did. We just wanted to have a little fun, that’s all.”
The National Reporter– How did you find the gold nugget?
“Well, we were panning for gold along the shoreline for a few hours and I started getting bored and my legs were cramping, so I decided to wade out into the water and look under rocks to see if I could find a gold nugget.”
The National Reporter– Yes, that is where they usually hide.
“I picked up a few rocks to see if any gold was under them when I saw this good sized yellow rock next to some big boulders.
I reached in and picked it up and as soon as I held it up I just froze.
The first thing I thought was that no way in hell this is what it looked like. But then I became aware of how heavy it was.”
The National Reporter– Yes, gold is a very heavy element.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes, I just found a gold nugget that was almost as big as a bowling ball!”
The National Reporter– What was your first reaction?
“I got on my cell phone and called home to tell everyone the good news.

The National Reporter– We understand you had some problems when you returned home. Can you give us details?
“Yeah,..As soon as I got off the plane the ****ing IRS was right there jumping all over me grabbing my luggage and going through my pockets.
They grabbed the satchel with the gold nugget and ripped it open. They literally ripped it open, they didn’t bother to unzip it.”
The National Reporter– Would you say they were like animals tearing apart a carcass?
“I wouldn’t, but you can. They have my name and address.”
The National Reporter– What did they do with the gold nugget when they found it?
“They ran away with it, they just ran away with it. The satchel was still spinning on the ground and they were already gone. It was like being in a cartoon”
The National Reporter – Did you complain to the IRS?
“Sure I did, but they just told me this is how the new economy works and if I don’t like it they will send me to a re-education camp.”
The National Reporter – The new economy is a wonderful thing.
“Yeah,..don’t you just love the change?”

To date, Mr.Bonaduce has not received any information from the IRS concerning his gold nugget.

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Sadistic zoo angers animal rights groups

Bob's Teasing zoo has become a topic of outrage and concern among animal rights activists

The National Reporter
Animal rights groups in Portland Oregon are steaming mad over a new zoo that recently opened in the downtown district.
It is a zoo where visitors can tease, harass and even cause pain to innocent animals.
“What the hell kind of place is this where young children are handed slingshots and told to shoot animals?” Peta activist Clarg Romwell said in disgust.
The National Reporter – Are you saying the zoo officials allow people to shoot their animals with slingshots?
“Allow them?” He grunted. “They give them the slingshots and then the kids tip toe out behind a park ‘hunting guide’ to shoot unsuspecting animals.  When the animal runs off in pain, the park’s ‘hunting guide” has a big laugh with the kids. It’s sickening.”

A park guide and his youthful gang of hunters sneaking up behind this unsuspecting baby elephant with slingshots.

The National Reporter  walked around the park to investigate the cruel and bizarre goings on at this zoo.
What we found was quite disturbing.
In front of the monkey cages was the usual vending machines where you put in a dime and a handful of peanuts drop out for visitors to toss to the monkeys.
But at this zoo, the peanuts have a long string attached to them so the visitors can pull the treats away from the monkeys before they reach them.
Some of the more sadistic visitors wait until the monkeys have eaten them so they can pull them out of their mouths and then watch them chase them around the cage.
The National Reporter  was on hand to witness some of the  sadistic bastards laughing their fool heads off at this mean game.

In the aquarium section there is a big glass tank with several large fish swimming around inside of it.
I watched as a group of children banged on the glass while laughing at a poor fish swimming in circles apparently trying to get away from the painful vibrations their pounding was causing in the water.
I was going to tell them to stop when I saw the sign painted on the glass encouraging visitors to bang on the glass.

The poor fish had nowhere to escape the painful vibrations the children where causing by banging their fists against the aquarium glass.

I walked over to the alligator pit and watched in horror as young children played “wake up Wally” under the supervision of a zoo official.
What they did was tie an M-80 firecracker to a long stick, lite it and then dangle it over the head of a sleeping alligator.
When the large deafening fire cracker exploded, the poor alligator leaped into the air and scrambled into the water with all the other startled alligators.
I have no doubt in my mind that the poor thing was totally deaf from all the times it had been subjected to this cruel trick and was reacting to the percussion of the big firework.

This poor aligator is about to get a wake up call from the sadistic bastards who run this zoo.

I couldn’t stay there and listen to the laughter coming from the zoo officials and the children  any longer.
I walked over to the big cat area figuring no one would dare mess with them because cats don’t take to kindly to humans doing mean things to them.
Naturally I was wrong.
In front of the Tiger compound there was a booth full of water pistols with a big sign that read, ‘Shoot the Tiger in the ass with turpentine.’
For a small fee of five dollars, guests were handed a squirt gun and told to shoot the unsuspecting Tiger in the anus with the harsh burning solvent.
I could just imagine how excruciatingly painful it must have been for the poor Tiger.
As I stood there in total disbelief by what I was seeing, a young girl around 21 years old walked up and handed the booth attendant five dollars and picked up a green squirt gun.
She and her snickering date then walked over to the fence to wait for a Tiger to walk by.
A second later, a Tiger (who seemed to have been forced from his hiding place) walked out onto the path in front of the young lady.
She raised her squirt gun and waited patiently for him to walk past her so she could get a good clean shot at his tender hind quarters.
As soon as the target was in full view, she squeezed the trigger and unleashed a long stream of turpentine that struck the poor Tiger directly in his anus.

Wait for it,..wait for it,..This cruel game was one of the more sadistic attractions at the teasing zoo.

The Poor Tiger screeched at the top of his lungs and leaped six feet into the air, then dragging his burning rear end on the ground made his way back to its hiding place behind the shrubbery.
The young lady and her date were in hysterics.
The National Reporter – Do you think its fun to cause a poor defenseless animal pain like that?
“Are you talking to us?” Her date asked.
The National Reporter  -Yes I am.
“What are you, of those animal right’s whack jobs?”
The young girl giggled at her dates remark.
The National Reporter – No,.I’m a reporter for The National Reporter.
“Wow,..The National Reporter?” he said. “The same National Reporter that prides itself on the fact that each and every news story they cover has the world famous and highly respected seal of honesty from the International Reporters Association?”

The National Reporter – Yes, it is extremely cruel to animals and you two should leave and never come back here.
“If The National Reporter says this is wrong then it must be. We’ll leave right now and never come back here to this awful place!” they said.
I watched as they quickly made their way to the parking lot and left without looking back.
I only hoped that I could reach other visitors and show them how sick and depraved this zoo was.
I made my way over to the hippo pond and watched as a very large and seemingly happy hippo splashed around in the hot afternoon sun enjoying the cool water.
“How could anyone want to do anything cruel to this animal?” I thought to myself.
Then I saw it.
A booth about fifty feet away with a line of excited kids standing in front of it.
“Oh dear lord, what kind of cruel act are these kids paying to perform on this gentile beast?” I said out loud.
An old gray haired woman with no teeth looked up at me as she hobbled past me on her old aluminum cane that was wrapped in gray duct tape around the bottom.
No doubt the length adjuster was broken and this was the only way she could fix it without breaking out her coin purse and freeing all the tiny cartoon moths within.
She muttered something under her breath, I wasn’t sure what it was but it sounded like, “Move,..your standing in the way!”
undeterred by the miserable old cow, I made my way over to the booth to see what kid of deranged act of cruelty could be had for a few measly dollars.
What I saw was shocking.
For ten dollars a guest could push a button and zap the hippo with 100 thousand volts of electricity.
It was guaranteed to knock the poor animal out cold for at least a full minute and you could laugh your fool head off watching him spasm uncontrollably in the water.

Go on Timmy, push the button for some laughs!

I watch a young lad around ten years old hand the attendant ten dollars and he opened  the gate for him.
The kid walked up to a the zapper button and stood in front of  it for a few seconds.
He seemed kind of apprehensive about pushing the button.
Perhaps he was feeling a little sorry for the hippo, after all the hippo didn’t do anything to him.
Why would he want to zap the hippo with 100 thousand volts of electricity?
I walked over to the little boy and smiled.
“That’s it son, do the right thing.” I said.
He looked up at me, smiled and nodded his head.
Then he and slammed his little palm against the button sending 100 thousand volts of electricity into the pond.
The hippo jerked wildly as it slowly rolled over in the water with its legs spasming and flailing the air.
The entire surface of the water rippled violently from the high voltage coursing through it.
A second later the little boy was mobbed by his little friends who patted him on the back with shouts of “Good F—ing job!” and “Dude, zapped that Mother F—ing bastard good!”
Then his father came over and with a big proud grin and said,”What do you say champ,.want to go celebrate with some F—ing ice cream?”
This reporter just stood there in disbelief for what I had witnessed at this zoo.
The National Reporter supports the closing of this sadistic zoo and encourages our readers to petition for the arrest of the owners.

Click here and sign the pettition to close down this sick twisted hell hole!
Close down Bob’s teasing zoo!

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Adult film star, Gianna Michaels single handedly lands 1200 pound shark

Gianna is seen here posing with her trophy shark.

The National Reporter
Beautiful adult film star and Seattle native, Gianna Michaels, single-handedly caught a 1200 Lb. shark last weekend while on a fishing trip with a few friends.
The National Reporter – What did you think when you first snagged the shark?
“I thought my line got hooked on something, like a sunken boat.” She told us. “Then all of a sudden it swung my pole around and went under the boat.  That was when I knew I had something big.”
The National Reporter – Were you scared when you found out that you had an enormous shark on the end of your line?
“Not really, well, maybe a little bit.” She said. “Sharks are pretty dangerous, I was kind of afraid that the thing was going to leap out of the water and thrash up the boat, but when I saw that Captain Rollo was ready with a high-powered rifle I stopped worrying about it.”
The National Reporter – How long did you fight it?
“Wow, seemed like it took all day.” She said. ” But, it was only around an hour and forty-five minutes before it was exhausted and we hoisted it aboard the boat.”
The National Reporter – People are saying that you fought this shark all by yourself,  is that true?
“Ha,ha,. it sure is!”  She laughed.  “A few of the guys offered to take the pole from me when I started getting cramps in my arms, but I refused to let go so someone else would get all the credit.”
After Miss Michaels posed for the above exclusive photograph for The National Reporter,  she had the shark delivered to a local taxidermist to have it stuffed and mounted.
“This shark is going to look awsome in my apartment!”  She said.

Aside from her love for deep sea fishing, Gianna Michaels has other interests that are little known to the general public.
She has been an avid skeet and trap shooter since the age of 12 with several regional awards to her credit plus she holds a third degree black belt in Japanese Goju-ryu karate.

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The Jersey devil captured on film!

Leeds point (red circle) alleged birth place of the Jersey Devil.

The National Reporter
Dave Morrison, a life long New Jersey resident, had planned on capturing the Jersey Devil on film ever since he learned about New Jerseys official monster when he was in the third grade.
Story’s and sightings of the Jersey Devil ( Also known as Mother Shrouds devil child and Mother Leeds 13th child.) have been circulating around the garden state since 1735 when the Jersey Devil is alleged to have been born in the small village of Leeds point.
Dave Morrison set out last October a week before Halloween to finally fulfill his childhood dream of photographing the Jersey Devil.
“I had twenty camera’s all equiped with motion detectors set up in the thick woods East of Leeds point road.”  He said.  “Anything that moved in front of them would get its picture taken.”
The National Reporter – How long did it take you to get your photograph of the Jersey Devil?
“About three days.” He said. “I checked the camera’s every day to see if they had been tripped off.  Every camera was tripped off when I checked them in the morning and it cost me a small fortune to develop all that the film. I ended up with dozens of photographs of deer herds and even one with a raccoon playing with the lens, but nothing out of the ordinary. That’s is, until the third day.  I got up early to collect all the film from the camera’s as I did the previous two days and took them back to my motel room to develop them.
I looked over the negatives and it was the same stuff.   Deer, wild turkeys, raccoons and squirrels jumping past the lenses, nothing out of the ordinary. That is until I got to the negative with the big shadow in the middle of the path. I figured it was just a group of deer standing around.   I took out my magnifying glass and held it up to get a closer look.   My heart started pounding a mile a minute when I saw what it was,  I could see what it was but I didn’t really want to believe it until blew it up and printed it out on paper.  When I had done that I couldn’t believe my eyes. There is was as plain as day sitting on its haunches no more than twenty-five feet away.
It was the Jersey Devil!
I estimate that when standing upright, it was at least ten feet tall.
It had a face like a horse and bat wings exactly like so many witnesses described it. I guess it is safe to say that they were telling the truth when they said they saw it.” 

Photograph of the legendary Jersey Devil taken with a hidden camera in New Jerseys pine barrens.

The National Reporter – How did you feel when you saw it?
“To tell you the truth, I was kind of scared.” Dave said. “Even though it was just a picture I couldn’t help but feel a little terror when I looked at it. I felt like it knew I got it’s picture and it was going to get me for it.”
The National Reporter – I’ll bet you aren’t too excited about going back into the woods to collect your camera’s.
“No, I’m not.” He said. “I borrowed every one of them from my friends, so I can’t just leave them in the woods. I guess I will go back first thing in the morning and collect them, then I’m getting the hell out of here. I am scared out of my mind right now at the thought of having to go back into those woods by myself.”
The National Reporter – I don’t blame you one bit.
“You know,..if the Jersey Devil came back it would make a great story for The National Reporter, especially if they had a reporter on the scene.”
The National Reporter – Yes, that sounds very interesting Mr. Morrison and I hope you have no problems rounding up all your camera’s.
“I’ll bet you would get a great big raise if you were to interview the Jersey Devil.  Imagine the publicity for The National Reporter!”
The National Reporter – Yes,..a great big raise and oodles of publicity.   Well, thank you for your time Mr. Morrison.  I will see to it that your picture gets published as soon as possible.
“Hang on,.. I’ll write you a check.” He said. “I’ll leave the amount blank and you can fill it out for what every you want. All you have to do is go into the woods with me.” 
This reporter dashed out of the motel room before Dave Morrison could get out his check book. Getting the news to our public as fast as possible is job #1  at The National Reporter.

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© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Breaking news; Will the real Osama Bin Laden please stand up?

Bin Laden is a dwarf

Pint sized terrorist Osama Bin Laden sitting with one of his advisors

The National Reporter
Photographs captured by the U.S. army yesterday that were hidden deep inside a cave once used by Al Queda operatives has revealed a startling revelation which has been unknown up to now.
Osama Bin Laden is dwarf.
The National Reporter  met with the commanding officer of fire base zero charlie, which is located in the hills a few miles from where the photographs were found.
We spoke to General Winston Adams of the tenth division about the shocking discovery.
“It was really quite a shock when we examined the pictures and saw who it was.” He said. “Ever since the hunt for Bin Laden began it was assumed from his photographs that he was over six feet tall.”
The National Reporter  “What do you estimate his height to be?”
“Well,.. judging from the rifle next to him on the sofa, I would say he is about two and a half feet tall.” He told us.
The National Reporter  “Correct me if I am wrong General Adams, but didn’t a soldier report seeing a dwarf fleeing from a cave he was checking last year?”
“Yes, we have reopened his report and found that a photograph was taken at the time which shows a dwarf resembling Osama Bin Laden scampering out of the cave right in front of him. Unfortunatly he disapeared into a small hole before the soldier could grab him. He dropped a grenade in after him, but he got away. After we saw this eye opening photograph, We are now positive that it was Bin Laden.”

Osama giving the slip to a marine

Photograph taken of Osama Bin Laden last year as he dashed from a cave he was hidding in.

After our meeting with general Adams, The National Reporter  went to Cairo to see if we could dig up some more evidence of the diminutive terrorist.
It didn’t take long.
Here is private family photograph of Osama Bin Laden that was lifted by  The National Reporter  from his parents home while they were out for the evening.
It is apparent that dwarfism runs in the Bin laden family as evidenced by the photograph.

Obama with dog

Osama Bin Laden with his uncle, Hussien Bin Laden in the familys dog stable. Osama is seen here petting his favorite riding dog, Habbib.

According to the inscription written on the back of the photograph, Habbib was Osama’s favorite riding dog.
That is, he rode the dog like it was a horse on his familys private race track.
Now it can be understood why the search for Osama Bin Laden has been so difficult.
The army has been looking for a man who is reported to be over six feet tall while in reality, Osama Bin Laden is just slightly over two feet tall and able to crawl into tunnels that an average sized person could barely stick their arm in. 
 The National Reporter will keep our readers udated on this startling new twist in the Osama Bin Laden saga as it unfolds.

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© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.