The day the circus came to town

1857 photo of the mysterious circus tent

The National Reporter
In the early morning hours of August 1857, the town of New Madrid, Missouri was visited by a small unknown circus.
The people of New Madrid naturally welcomed the small circus and eagerly anticipated the show as they set up their operation on the outskirts of town.
By the end of the day the circus was open for business and the excited locals began arriving.
In no time at all the big top was filled to capacity which much to their displeasure, left a few hundred New Madridians outside waiting for the next show.
The sounds of the ring leader shouting through his megaphone, the performers, the music and all the wild animals echoed out across the big field where the circus had set up their big tent.
And then just as the show was about to end, there was silence.
The ring master, the crowds and the howling animals had all suddenly become hushed.
After a few minutes some of the towns folk walked towards the front entrance to the tent and pulled aside the enclosure to peer inside.
They were greeted by an eerie sight.
There was no one inside.
It was completely empty.
Over four hundred towns people, performers and animals had disappeared off of the face of the Earth on that warm August evening in 1857.

The site was closed down and investigated by the finest detectives of the day looking for a clue as to where all those people disappeared to, but they never found anything.
To this day scientists are still scouring the Earth with ground sounding devices looking for underground caves and secret trap doors.
So far there has been no trace of any such underground caverns that could have been used to spirit so many people away unseen by the hundreds waiting outside of the big tent.
All that remains on the location is a plaque dedicated to the missing.
The bizarre occurence is still one of the most puzzling missing persons mystery in the U.S. to this day.

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Confirmed by the U.S. parks department; Big foot is a homo!

Big scary monster is a fruit.

The National Reporter
While on a routine flight over the heavily wooded terrain of the pacific north west, park rangers photographed what appears to be the infamous big foot engaging in a lascivious act with another male of his species.
“We couldn’t believe what we were seeing.” Ranger Johnson told us. “I saw him first, the big foot that is, walking along a path.
As I positioned my camera in his direction I noticed that something to his left had caught his attention and he slowed down his pace to look at it. After I snapped the first photograph I turned to see what it was.
It was another male Sasquatch about a hundred feet away bent over with his rear end up in the air.”

The big foot was enticed by the other males rear end as he walked past.

“We circled around for another look and by the time we got back the first big foot was standing right behind the bent over big foot and he was,..um,..you know. pleasuring himself as he gazed at the other bigfoots rear end.”

The bent over big foot was pretending not to notice the amorous Sasquatch behind him.

“It was funny because the bent over big foot was pretending like he didn’t know the other one was behind him, he was just picking at the ground.” Ranger Waller said. “There wasn’t anything there, he was just picking at the ground as an excuse for having his rump up in the air like that.”
“Yeah, and the other one liked what he saw.” Ranger Johnson added.
The National Reporter – What happened next?
“Well,..the one standing behind the bent over one just tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around.” Ranger Waller said.”As soon as he saw that he was,..you know,..in an aroused state, he dropped to his knees and began performing oral sex on him.”

The shamless homo big feet didn't care that the two rangers were circling them in their plane watching what they were doing.

“We circled around them for about fifteen minutes, then we had to leave because we were running low on fuel.” Ranger Waller said.
The National Reporter – Do you think that this is an isolated incident or is it possible that all big feet are gay?
“That’s hard to say.” Ranger Johnson said. “We don’t get to see them as often as we would like. And even when we do see them we are forbidden to tell anyone about it.
As you are probably aware, the department of the interior keeps big foot a closely guarded secret. There are actually thousands of them roaming the forests but we are bound by law to remain silent about their existence because of the non-intervention treaty of 1741.”
The National Reporter – The non-intervention treaty of 1741?
“Yes, the secret treaty that the colonists signed with the leaders of the Sasquatch nation. It’s very simple, we don’t mess with them and they don’t mess with us.”
The National Reporter – so, what you are saying is that this story can’t be shared with the public?
“That’s right.”
The National Reporter – I’ll be sure to keep it under wraps then.
“That would be greatly appreciated.” Ranger Waller said. “If the public found out that there where thousands of big feets roaming around the woods it would cause a panic and a lot of resentment towards the government for not saying anything about it.”
The National Reporter -Of course. I’ll keep quiet about the whole thing, you can count on it.

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Normal businessman becomes sleep walking transvestite hooker at night

Andre Lamont is seen here with his wife and children. (Their face's have been blurred at their own request.)

The National Reporter    

Andre Lamont, a Raliegh North Carolina businessman, discovered much to his dismay that he had a sleep walking problem.
“I had no idea that I had been sleep walking” He said. “On several occasion when I woke up in the morning there were piles of cash on my nightstand. I had no idea where it was coming from.”
Andres wife of fourteen years had no idea where the money was coming from either.
We would wake up in the morning and there would be cash all over the night stand and on the floor like someone just threw it there.” She told us.    

Andre finally hired a private detective to watch his house to find out who was sneaking around at all hours when he and his family were asleep.
The mystery was solved the next night when the private eye spotted a scantily clad woman leaving the house at 2 AM.
He followed her down around the corner were she hailed a cab, then he followed her to the red light district where she exited the cab and took up position on the corner waving at men driving by in cars.  

Sleep walking Andre Lamont in full drag hanging around his favorite corner.

 

The private eye, who wishes to remain anonymous, causually walked over and stood right next to her with his hands in his pockets, whistling and rocking forward and backward on the balls of his feet.
His eyes darted skyward as if he was lost in deep thought.
“You want some of this?” the woman asked.
“He immediatly stopped whistling and rocking and turned to her with a surprised look on his face.
“Are you talking to me?” he asked.
“Yeah,..you got five dollars? She asked.
The private eye looked at her face, it was plastered with so much make-up that she appeared comical.
“What do I get for five dollars?” he asked.
She smiled a great big toothy grin and winked at him, then she slowly spun around showing him the full package.
“Think you can handle this?”
The private eye wanted to find out who she was, so he handed her five dollars and followed her to a run down hotel.
They walked up four flights of stairs and stopped in front of a door that had three cock roaches squashed on it. 

she took a key out of her purse and opened the door, the room inside was pitch black.
As soon as they were inside the P.I. looked for a light switch in the pitch dark room.
Within seconds the woman came up from behind him in the dark and wrapped her arms around him and it startled him.
He could tell from the amount of body heat she was giving off that she was semi naked.
“Hang on a second.” He said angrely. “Where’s the light switch?”
She let go of him and he could hear her walking over to the other side of the room.
“Honey,..You don’t need any light.” she said.
“Where’s the switch?”
“Come on over here to the bed, I’m waiting for you.”
As he fumbled around in the dark he coud hear the sound of rusty bed springs squeeking and the faint sound of womens clothing hitting the bare wooden floor.
A minute later he found the light switch on the wall and flicked it on.
The dingey filthy room was instantly bathed in the bright white glare of a bare 100 watt ceiling lightbulb.
What a dump, the walls and the ceiling were filthy and they had the tell tale sign of hundreds of male visitors splattered all over them.
The bed was covered with an old purple velor sheet that was permeated with years of sweat and it stunk to high heaven.
The hundreds of gallons of sweat that had oozed into the sheet made it yellowish and waxy, the center of the bed was caved in and stained absolutly black from years of continuous service in the worlds oldest profession.
The whole surface of the bed was alive with lice and some type of larger brownish bugs that were crawling along the length of her legs and disapearing into her leg openings.
She seemed oblivious to the stench and the vermin as she lied across the bed posing for her male guest in a provocative manner.
“Are you coming to bed sweety?” She asked.
The private eye didn’t anwser her, he pulled out a small camera and asked her if he could take a picture of her first.
“Why of course you can.” she said.
He snapped off a quick shot and suddenly his eyes widened.
“Holy,..shit!” he gasped. 
He suddenly realised who this woman was. 
“Whats the matter sweet-ums?” the woman asked.
The P.I. didn’t say another word.
He turned and ran out the door with the woman shouting after him.
“Where you going?” she yelled.  

The next day the private eye went to Andre’s house and showed him the photographs.
The mystery of the cash on the nightstand was solved.
Andre’s wife was not very happy about finding out that her husband was a sleep walking gay hooker who went out at night turning tricks dressed in her clothes.
Not too many women would be.

The mysterious hooker was actually Andre Lamont walking in his sleep.

Andre is now in therapy and his sleep walking is under control.
He no longer leaves the house in the wee hours dressed as a woman.
A few weeks after Andre stopped going out at night as a woman, the private detective got a visit from several haggard old men who were concerned about their favorite hooker.
They hadn’t seen her in a few weeks and they were afraid that she might have fallen victim to foul play.
“She’s the best damned whore out there!” one of the toothless old men said.
“Yep,..she can play the flute fer hours on end without missing a note, if you know what I mean”
The private detective took the case and is planning on milking the old geezers for every cent they have.  

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Ancient Martian building may have been a brothel

Ancient martian building first photographed in 1987 may have been used as a house of ill repute millions of years ago by Martians.

 

The National Reporter
The famous ruins that were first discovered and photographed on Mars way back in 1987 may reveal some clues to the nature of the civilisation that built it.
Scientific data accumulated from the photographs and from recent discoverys indicate that the building was in the center of Martian activity much in the same way that brothels dominated frontier boom towns in the U.S.
It has been suggested that ancient Martians worked as miners in the nearby mountains and they may have spent their earnings in the local house of prostitution just like miners did on Earth in the 1800’s.
“They were very much like us.” Doctor George Westly of The National Institute of ancient studies told us.
“The ancient Martian men would go to work in the nearby mountains toiling underground for hours on end and at the end of the week they would reward themselves with a trip to the local bawdy house just like their human counterparts on Earth.”
Although Dr.Westlys theory has attracted the attention of a public eager to delve into what could be a lascivious past of the long extinct Martian race, it has also drawn quite a bit of criticism from the scientific community.
“Westly is an idiot, plain and simple.” Professor Alex Cantone huffed. “A martian whorehouse? Bah,..rubbish!” 

Close up of the suspected den of iniquity nestled in the hills of the Martian landscape.

 

Dr.Westly has defended his Martian bordello theory at several scientific seminars across the globe in recent months.
“I don’t understand why my colleagues are having such a hard time believing the truth about the ancient Martians.” He told us. “I don’t understand why they can’t just accept the fact that these were ordinary people with ordinary needs just like us.
Why do they have to embrace the silly image of Martians being super intelligent and advanced?
People who think that way have watched way too many science fiction movies.” 

For now the Martian cat house theory is still being discussed within scientific circles but not taken seriously, much to the dismay of Dr. Westly.
“I will take this to the public and present all of my evidence that this was a brothel.” he said. “The truth will not be denied and I will show the world.” 

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Censors move at light speed to remove UFO from Google Earth

 

Strange disc shaped object on the ground in a remote area of Canada

The National Reporter
Google Earth has once again been caught removing the image of a suspected UFO from their famous mapping program.
In the photograph above, a disc shaped object is clearly seen on the ground in this isolated region of Canada.

A second photograph of the landing site was taken a day later and quickly used to replace the original image.

The suspected UFO in the photograph above was in Google Earths data base on April 14 when it was first spotted by a North Carolina man who immediatly posted it on the internet.
The image was quickly removed within 24 hours of his discovery by Google Earths special censorship team.
The area in question can be viewed by typing these coordinates into Google Earths search window.
54 12’56.76N    106 00’52.12″W

If anyone doubts that Google Earth has removed the image and replaced it with one showing no UFO, you can see it for yourself.

UFO’s have become such a problem for Google Earth that they had to assemble a special censorship team who’s sole purpose is to scan all the new images for any signs of extra-terrestrial space craft.
In the past, actual UFO images have appeared on Google Earth much to the dismay of certain government agencys which because of national security, The National Reporter is forbidden to name.
Google Earths censorship team has also been instrumental in debunking other alleged images of UFO’s that turned out to be common objects such as round buildings and radio antennas.

Top: an unidentified flying object that was quickly removed by Google Earth.Bottom: What appears to be a classical flying saucer is nothing more than a round pump building in Romania.

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Sleazy tabloid plagiarizes story from The National Reporter!

The Global Tabloids Feb. 10, 2010 is out right theft of The National Reporter's Dec. 7th, 2009 article.

The National Reporter

The lowlife sleazy scum who run The Global Tabloid have once again shown their inability and unwillingness to report the truth with the same honesty and integrity as the dedicated men and women at The National Reporter who work tirelessly to bring our readers the truth.
They have plagiarized our exclusive story about the very first authentic photograph taken of legendary Jersey devil that The National Reporter showed to the world on December 7th, 2009. two months prior to The Global Tabloids theft of our story.

Read the original Story here.
The Jersey devil captured on film!

As soon as The Global Tabloid’s rag hit the stands this morning, our readers began swamping our phones with complaints.
Many of them are experienced lawyers who have offered to sue The Global Tabloid for plagiarism on our behalf, but we had to decline their generous offer.
The National Reporter has a legal staff who are experts on plagiarism cases.
What upset us is the fact that so many people are going to buy The Global tabloid and believe that they were the first news service to break the story.
What really made us angry was the bogus images they used which we will examine right now.

In the first photo which was also used on the cover, we see what is supposed to be the Jersey devil standing in front of an old abandoned house in the woods.
This looks nothing at all like the real Jersey devil, which of course can be proven very easily by comparing it to the genuine photograph taken by Dave Morrison.
Anyone can see that this is an actor wearing a pair of phony bat wings.

Cover photo. Anyone can see that this is obviously an actor.

In the second photograph we see the same actor standing behind a fence in a menacing stance.
This is the photograph that necessitated the disclaimer on the front page warning the readers that it was so frightening that viewing it can make them to throw up.

According to the Global Tabloid's warning, this image is so scary that it can make you throw up.

After close examination of these photographs The National Reporter has concluded without a shadow of a doubt that they are not the Jersey devil, they are fake.
With that in mind, the public has to come to the realisation that there are unscrupulous news agencys out there who will lie, plagiarize and fabricate ridiculous storys for their own selfish reasons.
They don’t care if their storys cause the public to panic, that is not their concern.
Their only concern is how much money they can squeeze out of John Q. Public.
And it isn’t just the seedy news reporters who make this junk up, there are also the every day ordinary people who get involved with them to make money as well.
We decided to track down the actor who played the Jersey devil for The Global Tabloid to find out who he is and why he sold out to that sleeze rag.
It didn’t take us very long thanks to The National Reporters face identification machine.
We scanned the face of the actor in the fake Jersey devil images and within a few minutes the owner of said face was identified.
It was none other than former Happy days star, Henry Winkler.
According to people who know him, this is just the sort of thing that he would do.
Apparently he thought lying to millions of people and helping a sleazy paper like the Global Tabloid would be a fun way to spend his weekend.

Aaaaaayyyy,... the fonz had fun making a few bucks fooling all you idiots who read The Global Tabloid!

And now to show our readers what real reporting is all about, we have for you an exclusive photograph taken by an army private stationed at Fort Dix NJ, which is located inside the pine barrens.
There are only two genuine photographs of the Jersey devil in existance and The National Reporter has been given exclusive rights to both of them.
Don’t fall for any sleazy tabloid who says they have photographs of the Jersey devil.

Photograph of the Jersey devil hiding in the ruins of an old house inside of the pine barrens. This photograph was taken by an Army private from nearby Fort Dix who wishes to remain anonymous.

Fort Dix Army private who took the photograph seen here stealing a television set from recreation hall. His face has been blacked out to protect his identity.

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Exclusive National Reporter Exposé. Giant skeleton is a fraud!

Huge skeleton uncovered in Northern India is a fake.

The National Reporter
In 2007 a story circulated the internet claiming that a massive skeleton was unearthed in northern India.
Kedar, a writer for the The Eastern Horizon first exposed this shameful hoax when it began circulating the internet.
Being that The National Reporter is always looking for the truth and determined to expose false reporting, we were also sceptical of the story and decided after three years to get the whole story behind this hoax.
What we discovered came as no surprise to us and we are certain it will be no surprise to our readers.
The giant skeleton is a fake, it is made out of wood.
We uncovered the truth about the giant skeleton and the motive behind its creation within hours after we arrived in northern India.

It all began in early 2006 when the Brahma lumber mill burned to the ground.
The business was not insured, so the owner Artimus Punjab had to come up with some quick cash to rebuild his company.
He was told by a shady local character known as “Bunti, the slimey one” that the tabloids are always looking for ridiculously fake storys to sell to their readers who they consider stupid and retarded.
Artimus then arranged a meeting with “Ungus Frungus, a notorious liar from the nearby village and together they forged the story about finding a giant human skeleton.
All they had to do was manufacture the skeleton, plant it in the ground and then pretend that it had been discovered in an archeological excavation after which they would sell the story and photographs to the shady tabloids and make thousands of dollars.

Brahma lumber mill going up in flames in 2006

Artimus and Ungus went to work on the giant skeleton in what remained of the Brahma lumber mill.
After a full month of tireless carving and cutting, they had finished the skeleton and were ready to sneak it across the country side to a pre-determined location.
Once their giant wooden skeleton was in place, they contacted the shady tabloids and cut a lucrative deal with them to defraud the public with their bogus story.

Artimus Punjab and Ungus Frungus are seen here fashioning a leg bone for the giant skeleton in the ruins of the Brahma lumber mill.

The completed skeleton prior to being taken to the fake archeological dig.

Artimus Punjab is seen here (center; standing on lumber wearing the hat) with his gang of co-conspirators in the process of placing the fake wooden skeleton in the hole.

Artimus and Ungus met with the tabloid’s head fake story scout Slick Weasleman in a dark bar that is located in Bombay’s seedy underbelly, a bar where no decent person would dare to venture.
It was here that they were introduced to the evil side of news reporting that only the tabloids could manifest with their twisted and warped sense of reporting where lies are sold as the truth and reporting the news has been reduced to scamming the public with filthy lies just to make a quick buck.
Slick Weasleman liked the story that the two liars had conjured up.
“He,he,..this is just the kind of crap that the stupid retards who read our garbage tabloids love to eat up.” He cackled. His beady eyes darted about the sleazy bar as he chomped on his cheap cigar.
Everything about him was despicable.
His cheap suit, his cheap cigars. Even his cheap after shave smelled sneaky and underhanded.
There can be no doubt that Slick Weasleman was a scoundrel through and through and it was his foul demeanor that landed him his job at the tabloids.

Slick Weasleman, the sneaky con artist from the tabloids who helped Artimus and Ungus lie to the world.

Once the deal was made, Slick Weasleman transferred ten thousand dollars to Artimus for his story and the lie began circulating across the globe within days.
Millions of people believed the story as it made it’s rounds through the internet, that is until it came to the attention of intelligent people such as Kedar of the Eastern Horizon who first came to the realisation that the story was a hoax.
When the hoax was discovered and proven, Artimus and Ungus disappeared into the woods and haven’t been heard from since.
The Indian government has confiscated the dirty money they got from the tabloids and have threatened to sue them for aiding in the lie.
“Who,.. us?” A tabloid president said. “We ain’t got nothing to do with it, see. Go on, try and pin it on us. I dare ya, see. Yeah,.. go ahead, you got nothing on us.”
The tabloids had no further comment.

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Shocking Kennedy secret revealed; the tale of Ted’s tail.

The National Reporter
A secret that has been kept from the public for over 77 years has been exposed by a close confidant of the Kennedy clan.
The whistle blower, (who wishes to remain anonymous) has supplied The National Reporter with shocking unretouched photographs of Ted Kennedy taken at various times during his life.
What these photographs reveal has never been seen by anyone outside of the Kennedys tightly guarded political circle, until now.
As you can plainly see in these following unretouched photographs of Edward Kennedy, he had a condition known as Sacrococcygeal teratoma.
In laymans terms,..Ted Kennedy had a tail.

In this unretouched photograph, you can see Ted's tail protruding from under his suit in plain sight of the people behind him.

Photograph of Ted's tail in plain sight before being removed from the photograph with a computer imaging program.

This unflattering photo of the late senator was never shown until his tail was air brushed out of the image.

© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Hidden for decades; Secret room in Whitehouse attic reveals the mummified remains of Woodrow Wilson’s genetically deformed brother

The whitehouse, Scene of last weeks erie discovery.

The National Reporter
While repainting a seldom used upper corridor in the Whitehouse last week, a crew of painters discovered a trap door in the ceiling that had been hidden underneath a thick layer of plaster.
The painters let their curiosity get the better of them and they broke through to see what was up there.
“I took out my knife and started prying a big chunk of the old plaster away and then the whole thing  just fell down in one big chunk and crashed to the floor.  There was crap all over the place, man.” Manual Hernandez said. “There was an old trap door in the ceiling and at first I was afraid to go up, but then my friend Jose started calling me chicken, so I opened it and stuck my head up.
It was pitch black up there and it smelled stinky, like an old ladies house, y’know. Have you ever been in one? man, they stink like crap, man. So, I tell Jose to hand me his flashlight so I could see if there was anything good up there.
When I shined the light around, all I saw was a bunch of crap on the floor and picture of some old gringo on the wall.”

Manual Hernandez, the very first person to see the room in 100 years; The room was really stinky. There was a bunch of crap on the floor and there was a picture of some old gringo on the wall..

The National Reporter  “Did you climb up into the room to investigate?”
“Oh yeah,..I went up in the room with the flashlight and junk, I ain’t no chicken, Y’know?”
The National Reporter  “What happened up in the room?”
” I started looking around for stuff, y’know? and there was another room behind me with a small window letting in the sunlight. I could see a small table and a chair, so I walked over to it to see what kind of stuff was in it, y’know? That’s when I saw that thing laying on the floor looking up at me! Man,..I turned and ran so fast that I fell down the trap door and kept right on running.”

The National Reporter  went to the Whitehouse to see if we could get further information on his discovery and perhaps even a photograph of the thing he saw, but to no avail.
The trap door was being guarded by heavily armed secret service officer, Walter Bromworth.

Heavily armed secret service agent Walter Bromworth guarding the ladder leading up to the recently discovered attic room.

“No one is allowed beyond this point.” Special agent Bromworth told us.
We could see people in lab coats up above us through the open trap door mulling about the room and speaking back and forth, but we couldn’t make out what they were saying.
“We are from The National Reporter  and we were wondering if we could conduct an interview with someone in charge of this discovery.” I said.
Agent Bromworth just smiled and shook his head no.
A second later a man wearing a white lab coat stuck his head down from the trap door and looked at me.
“Did you say you are from The National Reporter ?”  he asked.
“Yes, I am. I am from The National Reporter.” 
“It’s alright officer, You can stand aside and let the man up.”
Agent Bromworth stepped aside and allowed me to pass.
I climbed up the ladder and entered the small dark musty room, it was littered from one end to the other with bits and chunks of plaster and paint that had crumbled and peeled with age and fallen to the floor.
Decades of neglect had exposed the cross thatched wooden sub frame in the walls in several spots around the room, large fanned out piles of mildewed plaster laid strewn across the floor before them as though it had been tossed down by force.
Hanging on the wall right in front of me as I ascended into the room was a very old and yellowed linotype portrait of president Woodrow Wilson.
The edges were brown and curled,  the tips had long since cracked away and fluttered to the floor to join the damp, musty decaying debris.
It was just like Manuel Hernandez had described it.
As I surveyed the small dingy room, a bespectacled scientist who appeared to be in his mid thirtys walked out of the room that I assumed was where Manuel had seen his monster.
“Are you really from The National Reporter?” he asked.
“Yes, I am.” I answered.
“Thank goodness, we have been trying our best to keep all those moronic tabloids from learning about this.  The last thing we need is to have them making up some ridiculous story about this discovery.” He said.
“We know we can trust  the National Reporter  to report the real story to the public and not some silly made up nonsense about bat boy aliens controlling the president from a secret mind control room in the Whitehouse attic.”
“I know what you mean, the supermarket tabloids have a tendency to go over the edge with their silly storys.  But don’t worry, you can trust  The National Reporter  to report the facts and nothing but the facts.” I assured him.
“Yes, he said. “we are aware of the fine reputation  The National Reporter  has earned for their honesty and integrity in journalism. 
We are honored to have The National Reporter covering this historic discovery.”
He smiled and then instructed me to follow him to the other room.

I walked directly behind the scientist as he entered the room, once inside he stepped to his right.
That was when I saw it.
I couldn’t help but let out a slight gasp from the shock.
“Oh my God,..What is it?” I asked.

I let out a gasp when I saw the mummified remains looking up at me from the floor.

The mummified corpse was about four feet long.
The upper half of the body appeared to be humanoid, the lower half appeared to be from an aquatic species, a fish of some kind.
I could see a long dorsal fin running down the length of its back to its tail.
His head was raised in the air and his face seemed to be frozen in agony, indicating that perhaps he had suffered a sudden and excruciating death.
It had no gills, so I assumed it breathed air.
Naturally if it couldn’t breath out of water it would have been be in a large tank or at least had one nearby.
There was none, so I concluded that the lower portion of its body had to be some sort of genetic deformity and completely unrelated to any species of fish.
“Do you have any idea what it is?” I asked.
The scientist held up a stack of technical reports from the FBI’s forensic laboratory.
“From what we have learned from carbon dating and DNA testing, It is the remains of Herbert Wilson,  Woodrow Wilsons deformed older brother.” he said.
“During Wilson’s presidency,” He continued.  ” it had been rumored that he had an older brother who suffered from a very rare genetic condition that twists it’s victims into grotesque forms.”
“So, you are saying that this is the actual remains of Woodrow Wilson’s genetically deformed brother, Herbert?”
“That’s right, we now have physical proof that the persistent rumors going around at that time about Wilson’s older brother are true.
There can be no doubt that he kept him hidden from the public to prevent the office of the president from being compromised by yellow journalism during wartime.”
“What are you going to do with his remains?” I asked.
“After the news breaks of this discovery, which we trust will be tactfully done and in very good taste  by  The National Reporter,  he will be buried in the Wilson family plot along side of his brother and family members.”

The National Reporter wishes to ask the  public to please respect the privacy of the Wilson family as they pay their last respects to their long lost relative.
The funeral service for Herbert Wilson will be for family members only.
Aerial photographs of the service will be taken by The National Reporter helicopter which will be hovering over head photographing and video taping the entire funeral, so there is no need for anyone to bother the family by sneaking over the wall with your cameras.

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