Blackbeards parrot still alive and talking 292 years after the famed pirates death

Pepe, the 306 year old pet parrot of famed pirate Blackbeard.

The National Reporter
Pepe the parrot, Blackbeard’s companion during his famous exploits on the high seas, is still alive and talking up a storm 292 years after Blackbeard’s death and what he has to say has historians in an up roar.
It was previously believed that Blackbeard was killed during a battle with sailors sent to kill him on orders from Virginas governor, Alexander Spotswood.
But according to Pepe the parrot, this story is not true.
Black beard the pirate was killed in a fight with his life long nemesis, Popette.

Popette the sailing man, Blackbeard's arch nemesis and according to Pepe, the man who killed the famous pirate.

Pepe explained to a crowded room at MIT that the long-standing feud between Blackbeard and Popette began when they were in their early twenties.
They both had a crush on the daughter of Eliza McMurryweather, the local businessman who had made a fortune in the importing business in particular the olive oil trade which was very lucrative in the days preceding the discovery of crude oil.
Olive oil was prefered over whale oil because it was only a fraction of the price and had more uses.
Pepe told the audience that it was during their very first fist fight that Blackbeard suffered an injury that would cause him a great deal of pain for the rest of his life.
He had broken the big toe on his left foot and he foolishly let it go untreated.
As a result, the toe became permanently discolored dark blue.
Popette would mock him when ever their paths crossed by calling him, ‘Blue toe.”

Teresa McMurryweather the daughter of olive oil importer Eliza McMurryweather was the apple of both Blackbeard's and Popette's eye.

When they were in their early thirtys they ran into each other in a saloon in Haiti and immediately got into a brutal fist fight that lasted for nearly an hour.
During the scuffle, Blackbeard stabbed Popette in the face with a dagger which resulted in the loss of his eye.
Because of the persistent pain in his eye socket, Popette began ingesting large quanitys of marijuana .
After years of abusing the drug he developed a drug induced psychosis that made him believe that the marijuana had the ability to give him super strength and added to that the constant exposure to the harsh resins, his vocal chords became severely damaged resulting in his well-known gravely voice.

Blackbeard the pirate, also known as Blue toe because of the discolored big toe he acquired during a fistfight with Popette the sailing man.

Because of his advanced age, Pepe was only able to speak for a short time.
He was returned to his room by his nursing staff and is expected to continue his speaking tour in a few days.
The National Reporter will be on hand when he does.

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Eye implants enable researchers to see drug induced hallucinations on video monitors.

Eye ball implants will enable researchers to see the world through the eyes of drug users.

The National Reporter
Scientists at MIT’s nanotechnology labs have developed a new type of vision enhancing implant that can be mounted onto the eyeballs of volunteers.
Once in place, the implants pick up the brainwaves of the test subject while under the influence of mind altering drugs such as LSD and are able to transmit the actual hallucinogenic images they are seeing back to a monitor.
“This is a major breakthrough in the field of psychiatric medicine.” Doctor Fred Reeves told  The National Reporter.
“This device will allow us to see exactly what people under the influence of drugs see.  This will help us to understand how certain drugs effect the mind.”
The National Reporter  was on hand during the first field test of the new device to see how it worked.
The first subject was fitted with his broadcasting unit and then given a dose of LSD,  he was then equiped with an inconspicuous antenna that was mounted on top of the head like a hat.
When the LSD began to take effect,  the subject was led away from the test vehicle and set free to walk around the town as the excited scientists watched every thing he was seeing through the monitor.
After awhile the images started to become fuzzy with small flashes of colored light skittering around objects,  then things began to stretch out of shape as if time and space itself was being torn apart.
The scientists watched closely as the subject walked up to a police officer and stared at him for a few minutes.

The subject found the traffic officer very interesting for some reason.

When we looked at the monitor we could see what he found so interesting about the policeman.
In the drug abusers mind, the police officer had become a green clay like creature and the automobiles behind him had somehow morphed into a little troll bridge like one would see in a children’s fantasy film.

The police officer appeared to be a green creature made out of clay

An aide who was following the subject to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble, came forward and nudged him away from the police officer and guided him down the street a short distance.
When he began crossing over to sidewalk cafe that was bustling with people, he stopped dead in his tracks and stared wide-eyed at a pair of small people.
For the next few minutes the subject and the tiny couple were locked in a staring contest.
They of course had no idea that he was high on drugs, they thought he was being rude.

The tiny couple and the test subject were frozen in their tracks staring each other down.

Back at the lab’s video monitor we could see exactly what our subject was seeing in his drugged up stupor and it was truly amazing.
To him, the dwarf couple appeared to be some sort of alien creatures and they were making strange sounds, like birds peeping and chirping.
Everything in the background, people, cars and objects seemed to be moving in slow motion and an odd sound like a deep oscillating hum was echoing from the distance.

The dwarf couple appeared to be small alien type beings squirming and making peeping sounds.

After a few minutes, the dwarf couple gave the test subject a dirty look and walked off.
He started to follow them but he was intercepted by the aid and brought back to the lab.
The scientists figured he had too much LSD and that he might get himself into trouble.
The subject was sedated and placed on a cot with his arms and legs strapped down for safety reasons while the scientists sat at the monitors reviewing the recordings of his LSD adventure.
“This is going to be a major breakthrough in the study of drug induced psychosis.” Doctor Freely said. “Instead of guessing what is wrong with a patient and taking great risk to calm them down when they are in this condition, emergency room personal will be able to see what is going on in the minds of their patients and it will be much easier for them to treat them.”
The National Reporter – It’s also very amusing to see the bizarre things that they are seeing.
“Yes, it is.” Doctor Freely said.

© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.