February 26, 2012 Leave a comment
The National Reporter
Two years ago The National Reporter astonished the world with exclusive reports of a mysterious flying penis that had been sighted over Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Flying penis seen over Pittsburgh
The flying penis was last seen headed out to sea off the coast of New Jersey by millions of shocked and disgusted on lookers.
It was assumed that the obscene object had deflated and fallen into the ocean never to be seen again.
Conspiracy theorists speculated that it was shot down by secret government fighter planes powered by alien technology.
Three weeks ago hundreds of people aboard a plane headed for the United Kingdom got a shock when they passed the flying penis as it slowly bobbed along in the air currents at over a thousand feet in the air.
The National Reporter Spoke with Mr. Frank Beardly, the passenger who managed to snap the only photograph of the flying penis as the plane passed it.
“We passed it so fast, it was like it was standing still.” Frank Beardly said.”I was able to get one photo before it disappeared behind us.”
“It looked like a big dick.” his wife added.
“Yeah, it looked like a dick.” Frank said. “We found out later that it was a balloon that someone in the U.S. made as a gag. Well,.. I’m not laughing. Who ever built that thing is a sick perverted jack-a-ninny, I’ll tell you that.”
The first sighting of the flying penis came at around 6:00am on February 22 from a Mr. Thomas Junferson, an employee of the bus service.
“I was getting ready to pull out of the terminal when I saw this thing hovering in the air in the distance.” He said. “Right,..What’s all this then, a flying penis? I never saw such a thing in all my days I’ll tell you. I was shocked I was and a tad perturbed as well. leave it to the yanks to come up with something like this.”
The flying penis reached London early in the morning on February 25.
Unfortunately for the people on the ground the air was very still and calm enabling the flying penis to remain almost motionless all day.
“good lord, can’t the army shoot the damned thing down?” Clara Jones huffed. “My kids are asking me what it is, what the bleeding hell am I supposed to tell them?”
By dusk the flying penis was floating near the Parliament building.
As it neared the famous clock tower, the sound of hundreds of tourists laughing filled he air accompanied with hundreds of camera flashes illuminating the buildings.
“We were up in the Ferris wheel watching the damned thing as it hung motionless in the sky around a quarter mile away.” Bill Parton said. “It looked like it lost some of its helium because t was limp and droopy looking.”
The National Reporter consulted gas specialists on this matter and they concluded that the volume of helium in the flying penis still remained the same as it was when it was launched two years ago.
The reason for it’s apparent limpness is the result of the helium contracting in the cool night air.
Fans of the flying penis will be relieved to hear that the floating phallus should regain it’s rigged appearance when the sun light heats it up and expands the lighter than air gas.
The people of London watched the flying penis as it very slowly drifted east.
It disappeared from view when the sun went down.
The next morning it was gone and presumed to be headed towards France.
The National Reporter is currently searching for the person(s) responsible for the construction of the flying penis for an exclusive interview.
If anyone knows who these people are and where they can be contacted, please notify us here at The National Reporter.
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