Storage wars; Brandi Passante finds fully functional death ray in storage locker

Brandi Passante seen here with her family posing for a photograph

Brandi Passante seen here with her family smiling at some guy with a camera

The National Reporter
Brandi Passante, the suave business woman and reality tv star who, along with her husband Jarrod, made a very unusual find this past week.
After out bidding the auction crowd for a storage locker that contained an unopened crate inside that had been sealed since 1951, they were shocked when they opened the musty old wooden crate and discovered an aluminum case inside.
When they opened the aluminum case they discovered that they had just purchased one (1) unused experimental death ray built by the U.S. air force that was to be used in the Korean war but had mysteriously disappeared before it could be deployed to that conflict.
The National Reporter went to their store to learn more about their astonishing discovery.

The National Reporter – Hello Brandi and Jarrod. My name is Ace Flashman. I am a reporter for The National Reporter.
Brandi – There is no need to introduce yourself Mr. Flashman. My husband Jarrod and I are avid readers of your wonderful and informative website.
The National Reporter –why thank you. We try our best to keep our loyal readers up to date with the latest stories from around the nation and the world.
Brandi – Of course, and we like The National Reporter for its truthfulness and highly informative articles and because you are a two time recipient of the coveted International reporters association award for truth, honesty and integrity in journalism.
The National Reporter –Yes, we are very proud of that fact.
Jarrod – I was really intrigued with your article about the man who discovered the electronic implant in his tooth and he had no idea where it came from.
The follow up story that solved the mystery was quite an eye opener.
I would never have guessed the solution on my own.
The National Reporter – Yes, many of our readers were curious about the origin and purpose of the implant and were very pleased when we did our follow up report and gave them the answer as to what it was and how it got there.
Brandi – We were both shocked and stunned when we found out the solution.
The National Reporter – As were many of our readers I am sure.
Now lets move onto the fascinating discovery your two made the other day at a storage locker auction.
We understand that you found some sort of experimental weapon or device?
Brandi –It’s a death ray.
Jarrod – Yeah,..a death ray.We are pretty sure it’s a death ray.
The National Reporter –What did you think when you found it?
Brandi –We opened the crate and there was this ray gun inside all packed up in Styrofoam. I thought it was a kids toy.
Jarrod –I thought it was a toy too. We couldn’t understand why it was wrapped up so carefully and then we saw the USAF markings on the crate and we knew then that there was more to this than we thought.
Brandi –I took the gun out first and I pressed a button on the top and it started humming.
Then a little green light came on and I pointed it down the street and pulled the trigger.
It made a really deep bass sound for a second then it stopped and began humming again.

Look what I found!

Look what I found!


The National Reporter – What happened after that?
Brandi – A few minutes later we heard the fire trucks going by heading up the street where I pointed the death ray.
There was a huge cloud of black smoke billowing up in the distance.
Jarrod – That was when we decided to pack everything up and get out of there.
The National Reporter –Where is the death ray now?
Brandi- We still have it. I want to sell it, but Jarrod wants to keep it.
The National Reporter –What on Earth do you want to keep such a dangerous weapon like that?
Jarrod –Come on,..seriously? It’s a freaking death ray!
Brandi-It’s a dangerous weapon.
Jarrod –That may be true, but come on. It’s a freaking death ray. How cool is that?
Brandi shook her head and walked out of the room.
Two minutes later this reporter and Jarrod were out behind the shop melting an abandoned car with the death ray.
I offered him one hundred thousand dollars for it but he said no way.

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“We teach you lesson America!” Kim Jong Un orders the construction of huge flying vengence penis

Korean despot Kim Jong Un is seen here cavorting with his blood thirsty henchmen watching the construction of the massive flying penis they plan to unleash on America.

Korean despot Kim Jong Un is seen here cavorting with his blood thirsty henchmen reading The National Reporters news story about the giant floating penis over North Korea. “Look, it my picture!” Kim Jong Un giggled excitedly.

The National Reporter

A few months ago The National Reporter informed our readers about the latest sighting of the notorious flying penis  over North Korea which outraged the chubby Despot, Kim Jong Un.
It is rumored that his recent disappearance from the public eye had something to with an emergency meeting he had ordered to exact revenge against the United State of America.
His threat to destroy America was aired on Korean television and seen by nearly one hundred people who have earned enough privilege to own television sets in that glorious peoples republic.
The CIA reported that it is highly likely that Kim Jong Un was indeed intending to follow through with his threat and was organizing the construction of a massive weapon in a remote area north of the 38th parallel.
When the word reached Washington the chiefs of staff ordered proof that he was intended to carry out this threat.

An American aerial reconnaissance plane snapped this horrifying image last week while on a highly classified fly over of the Communist nation.

Korean threat

Is this a giant flying penis that the North Korean madman is planning to launch on America?
The National Reporter was given a copy of this highly classified photograph for analysis by our science department who earned the respect of the Institute of science in Washington for their development of The Ghost-o-vision scope.
Our team of scientists used a special photographic process that allows them to magnify photographic images so that they could get a better look at the suspected flying penis and present the results to our loyal readers.

Close up shot

The National Reporters enhanced photograph clearly shows what appears to be a giant penis under construction on a remote North Korea military facility.
The Pentagon has secretly dispatched a fleet of anti missile cruisers and several submarines to protect our shores from giant sinister flying penises from North Korea in case Kim Jong Un decides to unleash his revenge.
General Bosco Stevens has contacted Kim Jon Un and issued a dire warning to him stating that the United States will not tolerate an invasion of our air space by flying penis’s or any other obscene flying objects intended to shock and horrify the American public.

Keep reading The National Reporter for any developments on this crisis.

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Origin of the mysterious electronic tooth implant has been revealed!

The truth about the baffling electronic tooth implant has shocked the scientific community

The truth about the baffling electronic tooth implant has shocked the scientific community

The National Reporter
Shocking news concerning the mysterious electronic tooth implant that was reported in The National Reporter five years ago has finally been revealed.

Electronic implant discovered in mans tooth”

The origin and the method in which it was inserted into Wally Hansons tooth has been discovered by a scientific team of forensic experts in Washington DC.
The National Reporter was on hand when the news of the discovery was announced.
The National Reporter – How did you discover the secret of the electronic tooth implant?
The person we had begun interviewing at this time was obviously unaware of who was speaking to him.
“And who might I ask wants to know?”
The National Reporter – Pardon me professor, I should have introduced myself.
My name is Ace Flashman, I am a reporter for The National Reporter.
“Ah yes, the National Reporter.” He said with a smile. “One of the most reliable sources of the latest scientific discovery’s anywhere and the winner of the International Reporters Association award for honesty, integrity and truthfulness in journalism.”
The National Reporter – That’s right professor. We at The National Reporter do our best to bring the truth to the public, unlike the tabloids who sell ridiculous lies to them to make a quick buck.”
“Yes, I find The National Reporters reputation for honesty, integrity and truthfulness very reassuring when I need to do important research that could have dire consequences for the world if it was inaccurate.”
The National Reporter – That’s right professor. We at The National Reporter go that extra ten yards to make sure our readers are getting nothing but facts on the issues that are effecting the world today.
“Don’t you mean nine yards?”
The National Reporter – We here at The National Reporter like to think that we go an extra yard for our loyal readers because they are worth the effort.
“That is a very noble outlook.” The professor said. “That is why you won the award for Honesty, integrity and truthfulness in journalism.”
The National Reporter – Yes, that is correct. And we won it a second time this year as you can see when you read our webpage.
“Well, I must say that you certainly deserve it.” he said.
The National Reporter – Why, thank you professor. That means a lot coming from such a distinguished gentleman as yourself.
“I am not alone in my opinion of your fine news service.” He said. “All of us here at the scientific institute are avid readers of The National Reporter and look forward to your latest reports.”
The National Reporter – Why, thank you again Professor. That is quite a complement coming from a loyal reader and a person of your stature.

Now professor, we understand that you and the scientific team here at the science institute have discovered the origin of the electronic implant in the tooth and also how it was inserted, is this true?
“Yes.”
The National Reporter – That is really news. What was the reactrion of your team when they made the discovery?
“Most of us were shocked, yet the discovery had a calming effect on the members of the team.” he said.
The National Reporter – I could imagine it would have been quite a relief to everyone involved in such a lengthy research project to finally come to a conclusion solving the mystery.
“Yes, it was. It was a much needed relief.” He said. “The team and I were on the verge of calling it quits several times over the past few years. At times it became very frustrating as theory after theory fell apart and we had to start all over from the beginning.”
The National Reporter – Yes, I can understand why that would be frustrating.
“At first the discovery seemed so far fetched that none of us believed and we nearly dropped it to explore other possibilitys.”
The National Reporter – It’s a good thing you decided to continue on the theory that led your team to the truth.
“Yes, that is correct.” He said.
The National Reporter – How has this discovery impacted the scientific community?
“It has had quite an impact, especially in the field involving the technology of the implant and the method in which it was inserted into the mans tooth.”
The National Reporter – I bet it has. Have you contacted Wally Hanson with the news yet?
“Yes, We have.” The professor said.
The National Reporter – Was he as surprised as you and your team?
“Yes, he was. He was stunned when we told him what it was and how it ended up in his tooth without his knowledge of how it got there or what it was.”
The National Reporter – Who wouldn’t be stunned to find out something like that?
“Ha,ha,..not many people that I can think of.” The professor laughed.
The National Reporter – Well, thank you for your time Professor. Our readers will be excited when they find out that the mystery has been solved.
“I am sure they will.” he said.

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Pawn stars Rick Harrison turns down billion dollar ring.

Rick Harrisons famous television pawn shop in Las Vegas.

Rick Harrisons famous television pawn shop in Las Vegas.

The National Reporter
On a recent episode of Pawn stars, the highly successful reality series about a family owned pawn shop in Las Vegas,  Rick Harrison the owner of the shop was offered the opportunity to buy what is perhaps the rarest and most historical ring in the world.
Dubbed Nero’s wedding ring when it was first presented to President Abraham Lincoln just two months before his assassination, the ring was intended to be used as an emergency device to alert the newly formed secret service  if the president felt threatened.
Because silent alarms had not yet been invented, it was decided upon to utilize a small device that can be activated by blowing into it, a whistle.
The secret service scientists came up with a beautifully crafted gold siren ring similar to this ring.

Lincolns alarm ring, known as Neroos wedding ring because of the acronym, N.W.R. (Noisy whistle ring)

Lincolns alarm ring similar to this ring, was  known as Nero’s wedding ring because of the acronym , N.W.R. (Noisy whistle ring)

It is said that many of the people who were in attendance at Fords Theater the night of the assassination reported hearing a strange whizzing sound coming from the presidents balcony box immediately after the fatal gunshot rang out.
In the 1930 film production, “Abraham Lincoln” the whistle sound was used in the sound track for realism based on witness testimony.
Unfortunately the scene was reedited prior to the films release and the whistle sound was removed on the request of the Secret Service.
Many people at the time suspected that they didn’t want the public to know about their failure to protect the president with their amazing whistle ring.
The National Reporter  has managed to obtain an unedited copy of the movie scene for our readers.
In it you will hear the same sound that was heard by witnesses at Fords theater that fateful night.

Shortly after the assassination the ring disappeared and was never seen again until recently on an episode of Pawn Stars.
A man walked into the pawn shop that is seen on television, the reality show Pawn Stars and plopped the ring down in front of Rick Harrison the owner of the shop and asked for five hundred dollars.
“Five hundred,.. dollars?” he laughed.
“That’s right, five hundred dollareenos. Five big ones, five samolioans.”
Rick picked up the ring and looked at it.
“What is it?” He asked.
“What is it you ask?” the man gaufawed. “Why,..it’s Nero’s wedding ring.”
“Emperor Nero?”
“That’s right, Emperor Nero, the big Roman guy.”
“And you say this is his wedding ring?”
Yep,.. the old symbolic ball and chain.”
Rick just shook his head and handed it back to him.
“I’m not interested.” he said.
The man shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the store.
A few days later the secret service came into the store and chased all the customers out.
One man in a black leather trench coat cornered Rick Harrison in a back room as others swarmed in around him.
“What do you know about the ring?” he snarled.
“W,what ring?” Rick asked. he was visibly shaken up by the sudden intrusion of fifty government agents.
” Nero’s wedding ring!” the agent snapped back.
“What?”
“You heard me, where is it?”
“I don’t have it, I told the guy I didn’t want it.”
“You better not be lying to us, see?”
After that the secret service guys left the shop and told everyone who was there that if they said anything about what just happened they would come back and kill them.

The next day The National Reporter went to the pawn shop to ask Rick Harrison what happened.
“Aw jeez, it was awful.” he said. “The shop was swarmed by all these creepy looking Secret Service guys yesterday.”

Rick Harrison the owner of the famous television lawn shop that is featured on the reality series Pawn Stars.

Rick Harrison the owner of the famous television Pawn shop that is featured on the reality series Pawn Stars.

The National Reporter– What did they want?
“They wanted to know where Nero’s wedding ring was.”
The National Reporter– Nero’s wedding ring?
“Yeah, it’s from the acronym N.W.R. They use it to throw people off of the true name for the ring which is Noisey Whistle Ring. It belonged to President Lincoln and was stolen right after he was assassinated. It’s worth a ton of money.”
The National Reporter– We understand the guy only wanted five hundred dollars for it and it is worth one billion dollars. Why didn’t you buy it?
“I thought it was a cheap little brass kids whistle. How was I supposed to know what it was?”
The National Reporter-Oh well, you live and you learn.
“I suppose.”
The National Reporter– When will we see the episode where you turned down the ring?
“You won’t.” Rick told us. “The secret service took the video and destroyed it and told us if we ever said anything about it to anyone they would come back and kill us.”
The National Reporter– They told us the same thing about airing the deleted scene from the Lincoln movie where they have the sound of Lincoln blowing into the ring to call the Secret Service.
“Ha,ha, they screwed up big time on that.” Rick laughed.
The National Reporter-They sure did Rick, they sure did.

Be sure to watch Pawn Stars on the History channel!

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Prehistoric man may have lived like the Flintstones

Prehistoric homes like this may have been a reality in days gone by.

The National Reporter
Archeologists in New Mexico have discovered startling evidence that our prehistoric ancestors may have been more advanced than we previously assumed.
While working on a typical dig in New Mexico, Dr. Jacob Turner from the university of Nebraska uncovered what appears to be a stone wheel that may have been used to cart human beings around in a primitive form of automobile very similar to the automobiles that were used by the Flintsones on the popular Hanna Barbera cartoon show.

Dr.Jacob Turner is shown here with his famou s”Flintstone” wheel close to where it was uncovered.

“I have little doubt that this stone wheel was used to transport primitive people around much in the same way the Flintstones were portrayed in the popular cartoon series.” Dr. Turner told The National Reporter.
“I agree.” His colleague Dr. Femmer added. “We have suspected that prehistoric man was more advanced than previously thought. This is evidenced by the discovery of the monolith in Belize south America a few years ago in the Yucatan peninsula.”

prehistoric monolith discovered in Belize

The National Reporter “Wasn’t there some type of dwelling found around here that was very similar to the Flintstone house?”
“Yes there was, Dr. Turner said. “It was found two miles from our present location in the late 1950’s and may have been the inspiration for the cartoon series.”

Was this prehistoric dwelling the inspiration for the Flintstones cartoon show?

The National Reporter “So what you are saying is the creators of the Flintstones may have borrowed the idea from actual prehistoric artifacts?”
“That is correct.”
The National Reporter “Do you think this discovery will have any effect on how the public views the television series now that it has been established to have been factual?”
“I don’t know.” Dr. Turner replied.
The National Reporter will keep our readers updated on any new developments as this story unfolds.

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Tazered man runs like the Flash!

Police tazer had unusal effect on Philadelphia man.

The National Reporter

A Philadelphia man who was mistaken for a car thief was accidentally zapped with 50 thousand volts from a police officers Tazer gun.
“I thought he was the crook, he matched the description.” Officer Wally Banks said.
What happened when the man was jolted with all of that electricity is the really strange part of this story.
Instead of hitting the ground like a normal person, he just stayed in one spot about two feet off the ground with his legs going a mile a minute like a cartoon character while grunting “Gnaaa,..gnaaa,..gnaaaahh!!
A few seconds later he took off down the street at blinding speed.
Below are the actual photographs taken by passerby of the tazered man the moment he received the massive jolt of electricity and then speeding down the street at lightening speeds.

Gnaaah,..gnaaaah,...gnaaaahh!!!


Look at him go!

He ran a total of two hundred yards before he ran out of steam and fell face first onto the asphalt and slid for seventy feet before he came to a halt in the middle of the intersection.
He was immediately transported to the hospital and treated for road rash and electrical shock.
A video of this unusual occurrence was made, unfortunately it has been confiscated by the police and the owner of the video camera was been arrested and charged with filming a police officer breaking the law.

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White poop. The deadly secret.


The National Reporter
In recent months young people across the nation have been experimenting with a very dangerous chemical that can be easily obtained from dog excrement.
Reckless people have discovered the explosive properties of the crystalline substance that forms on the surface of dog poop when it turns white.
When combined with a simple base compound such as ordinary bubble gum, this white substance produces enough explosive power to rival military grade C-4.
So far there have been no serious injuries resulting from this dangerous discovery and law enforcement agencies from coast to coast are on the lookout for anyone experimenting with this substance.
Police cyber units are also watching the internet very closely for persons engaged in providing information on the manufacture of this lethal explosive.
The National Reporter has made this video in an effort to alert parents to this danger and to inform them of the tell tale signs that their children may be manufacturing this volatile explosive.
We advise parents to alert the police immediately if they hear a huge explosion in their neighborhood.

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