February 11, 2011 1 Comment
The National Reporter
For years the movie going public has had to endure loud comments from nerds while trying to enjoy a film.
We all know the type.
It’s that particular variety of nerd that has a habit of pointing out a films technical flaws in a loud shrill nasally voice that almost always causes their glasses drop off and dangle by their black nylon eye glass retaining cords.
“We were trying to watch a movie and all of a sudden these four jack-asses sitting right behind us started jumping up and down squealing about how it is impossible for a space ship to make sound in outer space.” Roger Thompson of Hollywood Florida told us. “They scared the crap out of me and my wife when they jumped up and started banging around in the seats. And for Gods sake,..it WAS A CARTOON!!”
The National Reporter Spoke with the head of the movie theaters owners association about the problem.
“This has been going on since the fiftys when science fiction films became popular with the teenagers. At first the nerds just mumbled to each other for fear of getting beaten up by the other movie patrons, but in the 1980’s things got worse when the film Revenge of the nerds came out. It unified them.” He said.
“After that, nerds became more and more boisterous.”
The National Reporter How so?
“If the nerds discovered a new film had several technical flaws in it, they would return the next day by the hundreds shuffling into the theater all huddled together snorking like that Urkle kid on TV a few years ago, you know who I mean. That white kid.”
The National Reporter You mean Jaleel White?
“Yeah, that’s him.” He said.
“The nerds would all be hitting each other and making pig sounds and some of them would be telling the others to stop poking them and whining about how their popcorn got knocked over. As soon as the movie started they would all quiet down with their eyes riveted on the screen waiting in breathless anticipation for the first technical error. As soon as it played they all start in with the noises and laughter and demanding refunds.
The National Reporter What do you plan to do to rectify the problem?
“We’re not letting nerds into the theaters anymore. They can wait until the film comes out on video.
They can make all the noises they want in their parents basements or where ever they hole up in the daytime.
We are tired of these nerds ruining the movie for everyone else just to make people think they are so smart.
Big deal, they spot a flaw in a stupid science fiction movie and get all excited jumping around squealing and making pig sounds just so everyone in the theater knows they spotted it first,..as if finding these little technical errors is some kind of amazing feat that can only be accomplished by someone with a superior intellect.
Heres a newsflash for you nerds,..no one cares.
They just want to watch the movie and be entertained.
They don’t want to hear you pencil necked geeks going into fits of excitement as if you just won the Nobel prize for string spotting.
Everyone knows the flying saucer isn’t real because it’s a science fiction movie.”
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