Idiot buries himself up to his neck on parents front lawn

16 year old Carl Johnson seen here buried up to his neck on his parents front lawn.

16 year old Carl Johnson seen here buried up to his neck on his parents front lawn.

The National Reporter

16 year old Carl Johnson of Boise Idaho was discovered buried up to his neck in a hole that was dug in his parents front lawn last week.
This reporter went to his home to find out why he did this.
The National Reporter – Hi Carl, my name is Ace Flashman, I am a reporter for The National Reporter.
Carl Johnson –“Hi Mr. Flashman.”
The National Reporter – Hello Carl. Can you tell me why you did this?
Carl Johnson –“Why did I do what?”
The National Reporter – Why did you bury yourself like this?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know.”
The National Reporter – You don’t know?
Carl Johnson –“Nuh uh, I just felt like it I guess.”
The National Reporter – Did you do this as a form of protest.
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know, ..maybe,..yea,..that’s why I did it.”
The National Reporter – What are you protesting and how is burying yourself up to the neck getting your point across?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know.”
The National Reporter – You must have some idea why you did this. What are you protesting?
Carl Johnson –“Ummm,.. school?”
The National Reporter – You are protesting school? Did something happen to you at school?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know,..I guess so.”
The National Reporter – What happened to you at school that would make you do something like this?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know.”
The National Reporter – Does this have something to do with a girl you like?
Carl Johnson –“well,,.umm.,..yea.”
The National Reporter – How is burying yourself up to your neck relevant to your crush on a girl at school?
Carl Johnson –“I don’t know,..I want her to like me I guess. What does relevant mean?”
The National Reporter – How is this going to make her like you?
Carl Johnson –“She will think I look cool and fall in love with me.”
The National Reporter – Really?
Carl Johnson –“yeah, I am afraid to talk to her so I figured if I buried myself up to my neck she would like me.”

As he was speaking his father walked out of the house and approached me.
“Who are you? He asked.
The National Reporter – Hello sir, My name is Ace Flashman. I am a reporter for The
National Reporter.
“Awwww,..geeez! Your a reporter!?”
The National Reporter – That’s right. I am here to interview your son.
“Awww,..geez,..the press!?” He groaned. “Look pal, can’t we just let this one go?”
The National Reporter – Excuse me?
“Come on, buddy. This whole affair has been extremely embarrassing for our family, can’t you just let this slide and go report something else?”
Carl Johnson – Dad,..can you bring me a sandwich?
The National Reporter – I am sorry Mr. Johnson, but I have to follow my nose and report news that is of interest to our readers. Besides, there are no good news stories for me to pursue at the moment.
Awww, geeez,..can’t you just make something up?”
The National Reporter – Make something up? You have to be kidding. The National Reporter has a spotless reputation for reporting the truth and nothing but the truth. We would never make up some silly story.
That sort of nonsense is beneith us.
Did you know that the National Reporter has been the recipient of the renowned Seal of honesty award from the International Reporters association for truthfulness, honesty and integrity?
Do you really think I would compromise that honor just for the sake of making up some ridiculous story?
Carl Johnson – Hey Dad,..can you bring the TV set out here? This is boring.
“I know your fine news service has an impeccable reputation, but can’t you please find something else to write about?
This whole episode has been very humiliating for us. We are getting crank telephone calls for the past week, people asking to talk to Carl. They know he can’t get out of the hole. They are just trying to be funny.”

Carl Johnson –what time is it, dad?
“It’s ten to three,..idiot.”
Carl Johnson – OH NO!
The National Reporter – What’s wrong Carl?
Carl Johnson – The grade school down the street lets out at three and all the little kids walk by and say stuff to me.
yesterday they drew glasses on my face with a red magic marker.
The National Reporter – Well that was certainly a mean thing to do.
“Aw geez,..what do you expect?” Carl’s dad said. “Your making an ass out of yourself, of course they are going to tease you,..idiot!”

As he was speaking my cell phone rang. It was an urgent message from The National Reporters head office.
Geologists in Florida had uncovered a thirty seven foot long specimen of petrified dinosaur scat and they wanted me to cover the story.
The National Reporter – I have to leave right away on urgent business.
“Oh thank goodness.” Mr. Johnson said with a sigh of relief. “Does that mean you won’t report this story in The National Reporter?
The National Reporter – No. I will write it on my lap top and send it to my editor while I am on the plane.
Carl Johnson –Is there something crawling up the back of my neck? Hey Dad,..can you see if there is a bug on my neck?
“Thanks a lot, Ace.” Carl’s Dad groaned. I can’t wait to read it.”

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What a find! Cache of Nazi gold unearthed in Georgia

Nazi gold

One of several crates of Nazi gold discovered buried in Frank Johanson's back yard.

The National Reporter
When Frank Johanson received the bad news about his septic system last summer he was already at his wit’s end.
The lifelong resident of Nahunta Georgia had lost his job five months earlier and just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, his wife Linda left him for his best friend Jason.
To add insult to injury,  right before she left she made sure to drain every cent out of their joint savings account.
For the next few months after that she belittled him in front of every person in town saying that he was a dud in bed and behaved efeminatly behind closed doors and enjoyed wearing her bra’s and panties.
She promised that she would never go back to that ‘fag loser’ as long as she lived.
And now on top of all the things that have gone wrong for him in the past few months, he was being handed an estimate for $11,000 to repair his clogged septic system.
“I thought I was done for.” Frank Johanson told The National Reporter.
“When I saw the estimate for fixing my septic tank I nearly passed dead away.  I couldn’t believe how much they were charging me just to put in a new pipe.”

Frank’s outlook on life turned completely around on the morning of July 22nd while watching the back hoe operator dig a huge hole in his back yard.
“I didn’t have anything else to do, so I pulled up an old lawn chair and watched them rip up my back yard.”  He said.  “When the hole really started getting deep the bucket snagged on a piece of old wood on the side of the hole and pulled it out.  When the bucket moved aside I could see a dark hole had appeared.”
The National Reporter – What did you think when you saw that hole?
“I didn’t know what to think.”  He said.  “I told the back hoe operator to stop digging then I climbed down to get a better look.  When I got right up to it I could see that it was a box of some kind.  The first thing that went through my mind was that it was a coffin.”
The National Reporter – Didn’t that give you the creeps?
“Oh, you bet.”  He said.  “But what’s worse if it turned out to be a coffin then I would have had to dig it up and rebury it at the local cemetary at my own expense.”
The National Reporter – What happened next?
“Well, I put my face up real close to see what was inside the box.  I couldn’t see anything because it was so dark in there.  Then I pulled off another piece of the old rotten wood to make the opening bigger.
To tell you the truth, I fully expected a skull to roll out.”  He said.  “When I had opened the box up a little more and looked inside, I could see something glimmering in the dim light, something yellowish.   I reached inside and grabbed it,  it was very cold and heavy.  When I pulled it out into the bright sunlight to get a better look at it, I thought I was going to faint dead away.
It was a solid gold ingot with German writing all over it and it had a big Nazi swastika stamped on it.

As soon as I saw all the German writing and stuff  I knew my grandpa must have had something to do with it.  He was in the American army in Europe during WW2 and he built this house.”
The National Reporter – Why didn’t your grandfather ever say anything to anyone about all this gold he had hidden in his backyard?
“He died at a very young age.” Frank explained. “He was killed in an auto accident just a few years after the war, so I guess no one else knew about the Nazi booty he had buried in his backyard.  I guess he never said anything to my grandmother about it either.”

Hurrayy!!

Frank Johanson dancing for joy after discovering several crates of Nazi gold buried in his backyard.

“My life has completely changed thanks to this wind fall.” Frank told us. “I have millions of dollars in gold and the best part is, my wife Linda has forgiven me and returned home!”
“I have always loved him.” Linda said, as she hugged Frank in their basement gold vault.
“I never said any of those terrible things about him.   Mean people made all that stuff up to keep us from getting back together.”

Back together

Estranged wife Linda has forgiven Frank and returned home

The National Reporter wishes Frank and Linda well and we hope they enjoy the massive wealth that Frank’s grandfather risked his life stealing from the Nazi’s.
The last time we saw the happy couple, their good friend Jason was giving them a ride to the bank so they could put all the gold into a joint savings account.

© The National Reporter, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.