Kaley Cuoco’s sickening restaurant experiance

Kaley Cuoco plays Penny Dunlop on the hit comedy series 'The big bang theory.'

Kaley Cuoco plays Penny Dunlop on the hit comedy series ‘The big bang theory.’


The National Reporter

Television star Kaley Cuoco who plays sexy Penny Dunlop on the hit television sitcom ‘The big bang theory’ got a rather disgusting surprise while dining in a popular Hollywood eatery.
The incident occurred last weekend when the actress and a few friends went to a popular Hollywood restaurant.
“We had been filming an episode of the big bang theory all day and I was starving.” Miss Cuoco told us.
The National Reporter– I’ll bet it tasted good.
“I don’t know I didn’t eat it.”
The National Reporter– Why not?
“Well, When the waiter placed it in front of me I couldn’t wait to dig in. I started cutting it up when I noticed a strange knot in the meat.”
The National Reporter– A strange knot?
“Yes, a strange knot. It was really hard and difficult to cut though even though the knife was sharp.”
The National Reporter– oh, I see.
“I finally cut the meat up and I was about to eat it when a gentleman who was sitting at the next table jumped up and shouted, Don’t eat that!”
The National Reporter– What did you do?
“Well, I dropped my knife with the meat on it and the man took the plate away from me and looked at it up close.
After a few minutes of examining the meat he told me I was lucky I didn’t eat any of it.”
The National Reporter– What was wrong with it?
“The man was a cancer specialist and he told me the tough knot was actually a malignant tumor”
The National Reporter– Gross.
“You can say that again.” she said. “When he told me I nearly ate a cancerous tumor I almost threw up right then and there.”
The National Reporter– Wow,..ha,ha,..gross.

Watch for cancerous tumors like this in your steak dinners

Watch for cancerous tumors like this in your steak dinners

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Dog eats peanut butter weiner, owner upset

Oh boy,..peanut butter!

The National Reporter
Jack Bellington of Albany NY was sitting home alone last July 6th after his wife and kids went to the movies.
He was feeling kind of mischievous in a perverted sort of way and decided that he was going to take advantage of the family’s new Labrador puppy, Tessy.
“I figured what the hell,.no one is home so um,.. you know,..heh,heh” he said.
“So I went to the kitchen and got out a jar of peanut butter and pulled out my John Henry and smeared some on it, then I called the dog.
He came in a second later wagging his tail and I was standing there wagging my peanut butter covered,..unit.”
The National Reporter -What happened then?
“Well He stood up on his hind legs when he smelled the peanut butter, then he licked a little off.
“Hell,.. I thought it was the funniest thing I ever saw, then all of a sudden the little bastard chomped down as hard as he could and it was gone!”
The National Reporter– It was gone?
“Yeah,..my damned crank was gone. The damned dog bit it off and he was chomping it down as fast as he could.
Before I knew what was happening it was gone.”
The National Reporter– That’s awful, but it is kind of funny.
“I don’t think it’s funny and neither does my wife. She’s not too happy at all, let me tell you.”
The National Reporter– What did you do after the dog bit it off?
“I called the ambulance, what do you think I did? Hell, I was bleeding to death.
The next day me and the kids followed the dog around waiting for him to you know,..pass it.
But it was no good, it wasn’t like the dog ate a gold ring or something like that.
He digested it and pooped it out.”
The National Reporter– What are you going to do now?
“Well,.. the doctors said they are going to insert a tube so I can go to the bathroom, but as far as any other activity’s, I’m finished.”
A tragic story indeed.
We here at the The National Reporter would like to stress to our readers that smearing your privates with peanut butter or any type of food to entice an animal to lick it off is very dangerous and should only be attempted by a trained professional.

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Giant woman arrested after restaurant melee

Amanda Berkly is seen here on security footage entering the restroom area

The National Reporter
Amanda Berkly who suffers from a rare condition known as giganticus was arrested last week after she had caused a disturbance at Jack and Earls restaurant in East Philly P.A.
Miss Berkly, who stands 8′ 6″ entered the restaurant at around 8:00pm and made her way to the  restroom.
“Usually the restrooms are for paying customers, but we don’t stop anyone from using them if it is an emergency.”  manager Todd Brown told us.
Miss Berkly huffed and puffed as she hobbled to the restroom on her crutches, she can barely walk because of the gross disfiguration in her legs and it takes her quite awhile to get from one place to another.
She had drawn considerable attention from the patrons as one would expect and most of them were watching the giant woman as she hobbled along.
Once she was inside the restroom, things went back to normal with the sounds of silverware clattering, glasses clinking and people talking.
Ten minutes later the restroom door swung open and Miss Berkly exited in a hurry.
Her face was red and she trained her eyes on the floor in front of her as she struggled along on her crutches seemingly faster than when she went in.
“I thought that was kind of odd.” Todd Brown said. “Typically a person is in a hurry to get to the restroom, not the other way around.”
When she was about halfway to the exit, a woman was heard screaming from the lady’s room and everyone in the restaurant became silent.
“Oh my God!!! What the hell is that in the toilet!!”
Miss Berkly was the only person in the room who didn’t turn around when the woman screamed and she seemed to hasten her way towards the door.
Todd Brown and a few waiters ran to the restroom and what they saw inside shocked them.
It was a solid human fece’s that looked like it was around three feet long and weighing around 30 to 40 pounds hanging halfway out of the toilet.
It was a fece’s specimen that only a giant could produce.

The fece's specimen was around 3 feet long and hanging put of the toilet.

“Stop that woman!” the manager yelled. Immediately several employees blocked the exit, trapping Miss Berkly in the restaurant.
She tried to turn direction and head for the door on the far side of the room, but the employees were too fast for her.
“I approached Miss Berkly and tried to be as discreet as possible so as to not humiliate her any further.”  Todd Brown told us. “I was trying to be as nice about it as I could and I told her that she had to take care of the little problem she left in the lady’s room.  I informed her that we will give her a stick to break up the huge,..thing,..you know what I mean?   That’s when the trouble started and she flipped out on us.   She started swinging her crutches around knocking over chairs and tables breaking glasses and everything.  The customers were screaming and running out of the building.
We tried to restrain her but because of her size she was throwing off my people like they were little kids. I never saw anything like it.

The aftermath of Miss Berklys rampage.

Within minutes after her rampage began the police arrived and she was subdued with the employment of several taser guns.
“After she was handcuffed and raised to her feet, I went into the lady’s room to investigate the cause of the whole ruckus.”  Sgt. Jeremy Runyon said. “I never saw a turd that big and I have been to the Philly zoo hundreds of times.  That thing just didn’t look like it came from a human.”
Miss berkly was shouting obscenities at the news reporters as she was led out to the police car.
“Yeah? Bite me, yah friggin’ pip squeaks!” She snarled. “I’ll dump a whopper on yer heads like I did in there.”
Miss Berkly is being held in the city jail on 50 thousand dollar bond.
So far no one has bailed her out.

Miss Berkly is seen here taunting news reporters with threats and insults.

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Hospital error sends human liver to cafeteria

Human liver donated by Palestinian child was rushed all the way from Israel

The National Reporter
A major hospital in the U.S. who’s identity is being withheld by The National Reporter in compliance with a gag order issued by a federal judge, was embarrassed by a terrible error that occurred in the hospital’s receiving department.
A human liver that was donated by a Palestinian youth and flown all the way from Israel for an emergency transplant, was accidentally redirected to the hospital’s cafeteria where it was promptly cooked and served to visitors.
“How the hell were we supposed to know it was a human liver!?” Chef John said angrely.”They are trying to put the full blame on me and my cooking staff,..they are the ones who sent us the damned liver!”

Human liver mistakenly served as a meal to hospital visitors

The National Reporter was refused an interview with the hospitals administration, but we did manage to meet with two of the doctors who were going to perform the emergency transplant.
“We were waiting for the liver for hours.” Doctor Brimwell said.”the pilot of the private jet that was flying the liver in from Israel kept us updated every fifteen minutes on his location and estimated time of arrival. When he made his last transmission he told us that he had landed and the liver had been placed in an emergency vehicle and was on its way to the hospital.”
The National Reporter -What happened next?
“Nothing happened.” his colleague Dr. Whanbana said. “We waited and waited but the liver never arrived.

Two frustrated and very angry Doctors. Brimwell on the left and Whanbana on the right.

“An hour after the liver left the airport we suspected that something was wrong, we assumed the ambulance got into an accident so we called the local police.” Doctor Brimwell explained. “The police told us that there had been no accidents involving an ambulance.”
“I checked downstairs to see if it was being held up by someone who was unaware of the urgency of the delivery, but no one knew anything about it.” Doctor Whanbana said.
“Then a dock worker told me a package arrived an hour earlier that said ‘Liver’ on it and it was sent to the kitchen. My heart sank when he told me that because I knew then what had happened, I just hoped that it wasn’t too late.”
“unfortunately we were too late.” Dr.Brimwell sighed. “If only we had waited on the delivery dock all of this would have been diverted.”
The National Reporter – So what happened to the liver?
“It was chopped up and cooked with onions and served to a gentleman and his wife who were visiting a sick friend. They had no idea that they were eating a human liver, in fact they even complimented the chef.”
The National Reporter – What happened to the patient who was waiting for the liver?
“He’s back on the dialysis machine waiting for another liver donor.” Dr. Whanbana said.” But our sources in Israel have informed us that another young Palestinian boy is eager to save the life of our patient and is willing to do what ever is necessary to save him.”

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