North Korean floating penis crisis heating up

The National Reporter

More threats are emerging from behind the 38th parallel as North Korea’s tyrannical despot Kim Jong Un steps up  his threat to launch a floating penis over the U.S. in retaliation for the mysterious floating penis that was first seen over Pittsburgh Pennsylvania and first reported right here on the National Reporter.
This video was smuggled out of that communist dictatorship at great risk to The National Reporters spy network that is operating inside of North Korea and head quartered in that country’s capital a mere two blocks from the home of Kim Jong Un.

It is rumored that the U.S. is building up air defenses along the west coast and are prepared to engage any flying objects floating in from the direction of North Korea.
There are also several reports from unidentified sources that the U.S. may be building a floating penis balloon nearly a mile long in the Nevada desert.
If these reports are true, the U.S. and North Korea may be headed to a dire impasse in diplomatic relations.

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“We teach you lesson America!” Kim Jong Un orders the construction of huge flying vengence penis

Korean despot Kim Jong Un is seen here cavorting with his blood thirsty henchmen watching the construction of the massive flying penis they plan to unleash on America.

Korean despot Kim Jong Un is seen here cavorting with his blood thirsty henchmen reading The National Reporters news story about the giant floating penis over North Korea. “Look, it my picture!” Kim Jong Un giggled excitedly.

The National Reporter

A few months ago The National Reporter informed our readers about the latest sighting of the notorious flying penis  over North Korea which outraged the chubby Despot, Kim Jong Un.
It is rumored that his recent disappearance from the public eye had something to with an emergency meeting he had ordered to exact revenge against the United State of America.
His threat to destroy America was aired on Korean television and seen by nearly one hundred people who have earned enough privilege to own television sets in that glorious peoples republic.
The CIA reported that it is highly likely that Kim Jong Un was indeed intending to follow through with his threat and was organizing the construction of a massive weapon in a remote area north of the 38th parallel.
When the word reached Washington the chiefs of staff ordered proof that he was intended to carry out this threat.

An American aerial reconnaissance plane snapped this horrifying image last week while on a highly classified fly over of the Communist nation.

Korean threat

Is this a giant flying penis that the North Korean madman is planning to launch on America?
The National Reporter was given a copy of this highly classified photograph for analysis by our science department who earned the respect of the Institute of science in Washington for their development of The Ghost-o-vision scope.
Our team of scientists used a special photographic process that allows them to magnify photographic images so that they could get a better look at the suspected flying penis and present the results to our loyal readers.

Close up shot

The National Reporters enhanced photograph clearly shows what appears to be a giant penis under construction on a remote North Korea military facility.
The Pentagon has secretly dispatched a fleet of anti missile cruisers and several submarines to protect our shores from giant sinister flying penises from North Korea in case Kim Jong Un decides to unleash his revenge.
General Bosco Stevens has contacted Kim Jon Un and issued a dire warning to him stating that the United States will not tolerate an invasion of our air space by flying penis’s or any other obscene flying objects intended to shock and horrify the American public.

Keep reading The National Reporter for any developments on this crisis.

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Flying penis reaches England!

The National Reporter
Two years ago The National Reporter astonished the world with exclusive reports of a mysterious flying penis that had been sighted over Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Story here.
Flying penis seen over Pittsburgh
The flying penis was last seen headed out to sea off the coast of New Jersey by millions of shocked and disgusted on lookers.
It was assumed that the obscene object had deflated and fallen into the ocean never to be seen again.
Conspiracy theorists speculated that it was shot down by secret government fighter planes powered by alien technology.
Three weeks ago hundreds of people aboard a plane headed for the United Kingdom got a shock when they passed the flying penis as it slowly bobbed along in the air currents at over a thousand feet in the air.

There is was, the flying penis. Floating along on it's way to England.


The National Reporter Spoke with Mr. Frank Beardly, the passenger who managed to snap the only photograph of the flying penis as the plane passed it.
“We passed it so fast, it was like it was standing still.” Frank Beardly said.”I was able to get one photo before it disappeared behind us.”
“It looked like a big dick.” his wife added.
“Yeah, it looked like a dick.” Frank said. “We found out later that it was a balloon that someone in the U.S. made as a gag. Well,.. I’m not laughing. Who ever built that thing is a sick perverted jack-a-ninny, I’ll tell you that.”

The first sighting of the flying penis came at around 6:00am on February 22 from a Mr. Thomas Junferson, an employee of the bus service.
“I was getting ready to pull out of the terminal when I saw this thing hovering in the air in the distance.” He said. “Right,..What’s all this then, a flying penis? I never saw such a thing in all my days I’ll tell you. I was shocked I was and a tad perturbed as well. leave it to the yanks to come up with something like this.”
The flying penis reached London early in the morning on February 25.

People all over Londen watched in shock and disgust as the flying penis floated over head.

Not even women and children were safe from the filthy balloon as it slowly bobbed along

Unfortunately for the people on the ground the air was very still and calm enabling the flying penis to remain almost motionless all day.

“good lord, can’t the army shoot the damned thing down?” Clara Jones huffed. “My kids are asking me what it is, what the bleeding hell am I supposed to tell them?”
By dusk the flying penis was floating near the Parliament building.
As it neared the famous clock tower, the sound of hundreds of tourists laughing filled he air accompanied with hundreds of camera flashes illuminating the buildings.
“We were up in the Ferris wheel watching the damned thing as it hung motionless in the sky around a quarter mile away.” Bill Parton said. “It looked like it lost some of its helium because t was limp and droopy looking.”

The National Reporter consulted gas specialists on this matter and they concluded that the volume of helium in the flying penis still remained the same as it was when it was launched two years ago.
The reason for it’s apparent limpness is the result of the helium contracting in the cool night air.
Fans of the flying penis will be relieved to hear that the floating phallus should regain it’s rigged appearance when the sun light heats it up and expands the lighter than air gas.

"It looked limp and droopy like it lost a lot of its helium." Bill Parton said.

The people of London watched the flying penis as it very slowly drifted east.
It disappeared from view when the sun went down.
The next morning it was gone and presumed to be headed towards France.
The National Reporter is currently searching for the person(s) responsible for the construction of the flying penis for an exclusive interview.
If anyone knows who these people are and where they can be contacted, please notify us here at The National Reporter.

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