NASA Scientists confirm, Aliens can perform self rectal exams

NASA artist redition of a space alien performing a self rectal examination.

NASA computer image of a space alien performing a self rectal examination.

The National Reporter
For years people have been claiming that they had been taken aboard alien space craft and given rectal exams by space creatures.
These reports have always been dismissed as shear nonsense until NASA scientists discovered a species of aliens who apparently have a cultural anal fixation.
“It could be the reason why they have such long necks.” An un-named NASA scientist told us.
NASA scientist – “Their long swan like necks could have evolved as a result of their anal fixation from constantly trying to see their own anuses.
Over centuries of trying, their necks began to adapt and get longer to accommodate their obsession.” He said.
The National Reporter – So in your opinion, does this shed some credibility on all the people who have claimed that they had been taken aboard alien space ships and had their rectums examined?
NASA scientist – “I would not jump to conclusions, most people who make such claims are retards or loners just looking for attention. But we can’t rule them all out.”
The National Reporter – What if I told you that I had such an encounter, would you believe me?
NASA scientist – “Most certainly.” He said. “You are The National Reporters star journalist, so naturally you are telling the truth.
Everyone knows that The National Reporter is a two time recipient of the International Reporters Association’s coveted Seal Of Honesty in reporting award.”
The National Reporter – That is correct. We are compelled to tell the truth, unlike the notorious tabloids who make up stories just to make money.
NASA scientist – “That is true, the tabloids make up the most ridiculous stories I have ever read.” He said. “Some of them are so stupid and they never try to explain how they occurred, which naturally makes them suspect as to their authenticity. They sound like something a bored writer was just making up as he was typing. It makes me sick”
The National Reporter – I agree, total nonsense.
NASA scientist – “Absolutely.” he said.

The National Reporter – Now doctor, how did you come to the conclusion that these space creatures can perform such a difficult task like this?
NASA scientist – “We figured it out.” He explained.
The National Reporter – I see, that is very enlightening.
NASA scientist – “Yes,..most people would agree.”
The National Reporter – But then there are the doubting Thomas’s who would scoff at your findings.
NASA scientist – “Yes, there are always the non-believers despite the over whelming evidence of our research.”
The National Reporter – Well thank you doctor, this has been quite an interesting interview.
After the interview was over we got in our cars and drove away.

Click here for more breaking news from The National Reporter

© The National Reporter, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Normal businessman becomes sleep walking transvestite hooker at night

Andre Lamont is seen here with his wife and children. (Their face's have been blurred at their own request.)

The National Reporter    

Andre Lamont, a Raliegh North Carolina businessman, discovered much to his dismay that he had a sleep walking problem.
“I had no idea that I had been sleep walking” He said. “On several occasion when I woke up in the morning there were piles of cash on my nightstand. I had no idea where it was coming from.”
Andres wife of fourteen years had no idea where the money was coming from either.
We would wake up in the morning and there would be cash all over the night stand and on the floor like someone just threw it there.” She told us.    

Andre finally hired a private detective to watch his house to find out who was sneaking around at all hours when he and his family were asleep.
The mystery was solved the next night when the private eye spotted a scantily clad woman leaving the house at 2 AM.
He followed her down around the corner were she hailed a cab, then he followed her to the red light district where she exited the cab and took up position on the corner waving at men driving by in cars.  

Sleep walking Andre Lamont in full drag hanging around his favorite corner.


The private eye, who wishes to remain anonymous, causually walked over and stood right next to her with his hands in his pockets, whistling and rocking forward and backward on the balls of his feet.
His eyes darted skyward as if he was lost in deep thought.
“You want some of this?” the woman asked.
“He immediatly stopped whistling and rocking and turned to her with a surprised look on his face.
“Are you talking to me?” he asked.
“Yeah, got five dollars? She asked.
The private eye looked at her face, it was plastered with so much make-up that she appeared comical.
“What do I get for five dollars?” he asked.
She smiled a great big toothy grin and winked at him, then she slowly spun around showing him the full package.
“Think you can handle this?”
The private eye wanted to find out who she was, so he handed her five dollars and followed her to a run down hotel.
They walked up four flights of stairs and stopped in front of a door that had three cock roaches squashed on it. 

she took a key out of her purse and opened the door, the room inside was pitch black.
As soon as they were inside the P.I. looked for a light switch in the pitch dark room.
Within seconds the woman came up from behind him in the dark and wrapped her arms around him and it startled him.
He could tell from the amount of body heat she was giving off that she was semi naked.
“Hang on a second.” He said angrely. “Where’s the light switch?”
She let go of him and he could hear her walking over to the other side of the room.
“Honey,..You don’t need any light.” she said.
“Where’s the switch?”
“Come on over here to the bed, I’m waiting for you.”
As he fumbled around in the dark he coud hear the sound of rusty bed springs squeeking and the faint sound of womens clothing hitting the bare wooden floor.
A minute later he found the light switch on the wall and flicked it on.
The dingey filthy room was instantly bathed in the bright white glare of a bare 100 watt ceiling lightbulb.
What a dump, the walls and the ceiling were filthy and they had the tell tale sign of hundreds of male visitors splattered all over them.
The bed was covered with an old purple velor sheet that was permeated with years of sweat and it stunk to high heaven.
The hundreds of gallons of sweat that had oozed into the sheet made it yellowish and waxy, the center of the bed was caved in and stained absolutly black from years of continuous service in the worlds oldest profession.
The whole surface of the bed was alive with lice and some type of larger brownish bugs that were crawling along the length of her legs and disapearing into her leg openings.
She seemed oblivious to the stench and the vermin as she lied across the bed posing for her male guest in a provocative manner.
“Are you coming to bed sweety?” She asked.
The private eye didn’t anwser her, he pulled out a small camera and asked her if he could take a picture of her first.
“Why of course you can.” she said.
He snapped off a quick shot and suddenly his eyes widened.
“Holy,..shit!” he gasped. 
He suddenly realised who this woman was. 
“Whats the matter sweet-ums?” the woman asked.
The P.I. didn’t say another word.
He turned and ran out the door with the woman shouting after him.
“Where you going?” she yelled.  

The next day the private eye went to Andre’s house and showed him the photographs.
The mystery of the cash on the nightstand was solved.
Andre’s wife was not very happy about finding out that her husband was a sleep walking gay hooker who went out at night turning tricks dressed in her clothes.
Not too many women would be.

The mysterious hooker was actually Andre Lamont walking in his sleep.

Andre is now in therapy and his sleep walking is under control.
He no longer leaves the house in the wee hours dressed as a woman.
A few weeks after Andre stopped going out at night as a woman, the private detective got a visit from several haggard old men who were concerned about their favorite hooker.
They hadn’t seen her in a few weeks and they were afraid that she might have fallen victim to foul play.
“She’s the best damned whore out there!” one of the toothless old men said.
“Yep,..she can play the flute fer hours on end without missing a note, if you know what I mean”
The private detective took the case and is planning on milking the old geezers for every cent they have.  

Click here for more breaking news from The National Reporter 

 © The National Reporter, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.