Man lights fart, kills self and obliterates his house.

The National Reporter

A 36 year old Dayton Ohio man identified as Fred Freedman was playing with fire in his home last week and decided that it would be a good idea to ignite his flatulence.
Unfortunately he neglected to take into consideration the potency of the flammable gas he was about to expel after feasting on a huge Mexican dinner.
The result was horrific to say the least.

Here is an aerial photo of his home and the surrounding neighborhood after the explosion.

After hours of sifting through the ruins of his home, investigators could find no trace of Mr. Freedman’s body.

Residents of this small suburb of Dayton were awoken to the terrible explosion in the early hours of May 13 as Mr.Freedman was amusing hundreds of viewers on Facebook with his usual fire related hijinks.
“I was watching Flaming Freddy, as he called himself on his Facebook account, doing one of his fire tricks when he stood up with a huge excited grin on his face and said, “Watch this!” He spun around and dropped his pants and exposed his naked rear end to perhaps a few hundred thousand viewers.” Jimmy Burke explained. “I watched in astonishment as he brought his hand around to his anus and flicked on a butane lighter.
He grunted a few times as his viewers waited for it.
I kind of expected him to have diarrhea, you know, the way people usually fail when they do something like this with their farts.
Especially with thousands of people watching.
I believe it is called a “shart.”
A second later the sound of a long windy fart came out of my speakers. Then there was a flash of bright light and the signal was gone, the screen went blank.”
The National Reporter – What did you think when you found out what happened to him?
“Well, I was shocked when I saw the photographs of his house on the news. He was a funny fellow and I am devastated by the news of his untimely death. I mean, he was just trying to make people laugh and this had to happen to him. It’s just not right, not right at all, damn it.”

Fred (Flaming Freddy of Facebook fame) Freedman is seen here performing one of his hysterical fire tricks for his Facebook fans.
This particular stunt landed him in the hospital for seven weeks where he had to endure hundreds of hours of extremely painful skin grafts.

The fire department battled the fire for hours while rescuing shocked and terrified people from their homes.
The National Reporter – What was your first thought when you arrived on the scene?
“I just assumed that a boiler had exploded or maybe someone was building a big bomb in their basement and it blew up.”
The National Reporter – What did you think when you found out that it was the result of a prankster lighting his farts?
“Amazed. I mean come on,.. a fart did all this? I am absolutely amazed. Let me tell you this, from now on I am staying away from open fire when I am gassy.”

Holy crap! A fart did all this?

The damage has been estimated to be in the millions and the insurance company’s are already calling it an act of God to avoid compensating the victims.
Instead they are raising their premiums for all the residences in the community claiming that the neighborhood is now a dangerously high risk area because of all the people lighting their farts and blowing up their houses.

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