RC helicopters with video cameras irk sorority houses across the nation

Women sharp shooters stand guard ready to blast RC helicopters from the sky.

The National Reporter
Ever since remote controlled helicopters began packing video cameras as standard equipment womens sorority houses across the nation have come under siege with hundreds of the annoying flying contraptions peeking into their windows.
“We have had enough of this nonsense!” Mary Standford of the Kapa Kapa’s told us.
“Every day it’s the same thing, We are in our bedroom and we look up at the window and there is one of those damed things hovering there peeking in.”
The National Reporter – That’s sounds awful, what are you doing about it?
“Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. We have stationed women sharpshooters around our sorority houses and they are blasting these things to pieces.”
The National Reporter – How many have they shot down?
“We lost count, the damned things keep coming and coming non stop day and night. We shoot one down and five or six more fly past and head straight for the windows.”

They keep coming and coming non stop day and night.

“Sometimes the lawn gets so littered with the smoking debris of these things we have to call the fire department.”

The National Reporter – Interviewed one of the nearby local residents and asked them what they thought of the problem being caused by the RC helicopters.
“Sometimes they open up on a whole squadren of the damed things, it sounds like a war going on.” Jack McKinnley told us.
“The girls do their best to down the damned things, but they just keep coming.
I don’t know where the people who are flying them get all their money from, they must be spending a fortune.”
The National Reporter – Have they been bothering you as well?
“They don’t peek into my windows if that’s what you mean. They want to peek in the windows at the sorority house, you know why,.heh,heh,heh.
They get on my nerves because they fly over my house when they attack the girls house.
All night and day I can hear them flying over and hovering over the roof, plus the never ending barrage of shot guns going off down the street keeps me awake most of the night.”
The National Reporter – What are the police doing about the problem?
“The cops say it is out of their jurisdiction because it is matter for the FAA. The FAA refuses to handle it because they say it’s a problem for the FCC because the helicopters are radio controlled.”

Female sharp shooter takes aim at a hovering intruder as another lies smoking on the ground to her left.

The National Reporter – tracked down the perpetrators at the nearby nerdly fraternity house and we asked them why they were doing it.
“What do you mean why?” Stanly Stuart said. He seemed surprised that we would ask such a question as if we didn’t already know why they were doing it.
“To see some stuff,..you know?” He said.
The National Reporter – To see some stuff?
“Yeah, you know,..girls and,..you know,..stuff.”
The National Reporter – Stuff like what?
By now Stanly and the other students seemed like they were getting nervous with my questioning.
There eyes darted about and they were shuffling on their feet.
“You know,..stuff in the girls bedrooms,..and stuff,.you know?”
The National Reporter – I don’t know what you mean. Can you be more specific?”
Stanlys face was beet red by this time and most of his fraternity brothers had quietly slipped out of the room.

Fred Walston (Center holding the helicopter) and his nerd chopper squad showing off one of their RC video helicopters.

“You know,..like girls in their bras and stuff. You know?”
The National Reporter -Oh I see, you are using the helicopters to peep on the girls as they are getting undressed.
“Well,..um,.no,..not really.”
By this time Stanly looked like he was going to pass out at any second.
The National Reporter -Not really? What other reasons do you have for peeking into the girls bedrooms?
Just as Stanly looked like he was goung to pass out, his science teacher Fred Walston stormed into the room.
“Who are you?” He demanded.
The National Reporter -I am an investigative reporter for the The National Reporter We are doing a story on the hoards of RC helicopters that your students are using to peek into the womens sorority house down the street.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” He said. “You have to get out of here now, this is private property and you’re trespassing.”
The National Reporter -Oh I see. you don’t like it when someone is trespassing, but it’s OK for you to peek into the womens sorority house with your RC helicopters?
“I happen to be very good friends with the Chief of police.” He told us.
The National Reporter -Is that why the police refuse to do anything about your RC helicopter antics?

At this time the local police arrived and escorted this reporter off of the property with a warning not to return.
I think we all know what is going on and the The National Reporter urges everyone to write their representatives to complian.

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Angry theater patrons want obnoxious nerds to go!

We’re going to the movie theater to bother everyone by very loudly pointing out all of the technical errors.

The National Reporter
For years the movie going public has had to endure loud comments from nerds while trying to enjoy a film.
We all know the type.
It’s that particular variety of nerd that has a habit of pointing out a films technical flaws in a loud shrill nasally voice that almost always causes their glasses drop off and dangle by their black nylon eye glass retaining cords.
“We were trying to watch a movie and all of a sudden these four jack-asses sitting right behind us started jumping up and down squealing about how it is impossible for a space ship to make sound in outer space.” Roger Thompson of Hollywood Florida told us. “They scared the crap out of me and my wife when they jumped up and started banging around in the seats. And for Gods sake,..it WAS A CARTOON!!”
The National Reporter Spoke with the head of the movie theaters owners association about the problem.
“This has been going on since the fiftys when science fiction films became popular with the teenagers. At first the nerds just mumbled to each other for fear of getting beaten up by the other movie patrons, but in the 1980’s things got worse when the film Revenge of the nerds came out. It unified them.” He said.
“After that, nerds became more and more boisterous.”
The National Reporter How so?
“If the nerds discovered a new film had several technical flaws in it, they would return the next day by the hundreds shuffling into the theater all huddled together snorking like that Urkle kid on TV a few years ago, you know who I mean. That white kid.”
The National Reporter You mean Jaleel White?
“Yeah, that’s him.” He said.
“The nerds would all be hitting each other and making pig sounds and some of them would be telling the others to stop poking them and whining about how their popcorn got knocked over. As soon as the movie started they would all quiet down with their eyes riveted on the screen waiting in breathless anticipation for the first technical error. As soon as it played they all start in with the noises and laughter and demanding refunds.

The National Reporter What do you plan to do to rectify the problem?
“We’re not letting nerds into the theaters anymore. They can wait until the film comes out on video.
They can make all the noises they want in their parents basements or where ever they hole up in the daytime.
We are tired of these nerds ruining the movie for everyone else just to make people think they are so smart.
Big deal, they spot a flaw in a stupid science fiction movie and get all excited jumping around squealing and making pig sounds just so everyone in the theater knows they spotted it first,..as if finding these little technical errors is some kind of amazing feat that can only be accomplished by someone with a superior intellect.
Heres a newsflash for you nerds,..no one cares.
They just want to watch the movie and be entertained.
They don’t want to hear you pencil necked geeks going into fits of excitement as if you just won the Nobel prize for string spotting.
Everyone knows the flying saucer isn’t real because it’s a science fiction movie.”

Guns don’t make any sound in outer space, it’s impossible because there is no air because sound needs to move air molecules in order to travel, I know because I am a science major and I am taking astrophysics next semester. This movie is fake! I want my money back!!

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