North Korean floating penis crisis heating up

The National Reporter

More threats are emerging from behind the 38th parallel as North Korea’s tyrannical despot Kim Jong Un steps up  his threat to launch a floating penis over the U.S. in retaliation for the mysterious floating penis that was first seen over Pittsburgh Pennsylvania and first reported right here on the National Reporter.
This video was smuggled out of that communist dictatorship at great risk to The National Reporters spy network that is operating inside of North Korea and head quartered in that country’s capital a mere two blocks from the home of Kim Jong Un.

It is rumored that the U.S. is building up air defenses along the west coast and are prepared to engage any flying objects floating in from the direction of North Korea.
There are also several reports from unidentified sources that the U.S. may be building a floating penis balloon nearly a mile long in the Nevada desert.
If these reports are true, the U.S. and North Korea may be headed to a dire impasse in diplomatic relations.

Click here for more breaking news from The National Reporter

© The National Reporter, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Flying penis reaches England!

The National Reporter
Two years ago The National Reporter astonished the world with exclusive reports of a mysterious flying penis that had been sighted over Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Story here.
Flying penis seen over Pittsburgh
The flying penis was last seen headed out to sea off the coast of New Jersey by millions of shocked and disgusted on lookers.
It was assumed that the obscene object had deflated and fallen into the ocean never to be seen again.
Conspiracy theorists speculated that it was shot down by secret government fighter planes powered by alien technology.
Three weeks ago hundreds of people aboard a plane headed for the United Kingdom got a shock when they passed the flying penis as it slowly bobbed along in the air currents at over a thousand feet in the air.

There is was, the flying penis. Floating along on it's way to England.


The National Reporter Spoke with Mr. Frank Beardly, the passenger who managed to snap the only photograph of the flying penis as the plane passed it.
“We passed it so fast, it was like it was standing still.” Frank Beardly said.”I was able to get one photo before it disappeared behind us.”
“It looked like a big dick.” his wife added.
“Yeah, it looked like a dick.” Frank said. “We found out later that it was a balloon that someone in the U.S. made as a gag. Well,.. I’m not laughing. Who ever built that thing is a sick perverted jack-a-ninny, I’ll tell you that.”

The first sighting of the flying penis came at around 6:00am on February 22 from a Mr. Thomas Junferson, an employee of the bus service.
“I was getting ready to pull out of the terminal when I saw this thing hovering in the air in the distance.” He said. “Right,..What’s all this then, a flying penis? I never saw such a thing in all my days I’ll tell you. I was shocked I was and a tad perturbed as well. leave it to the yanks to come up with something like this.”
The flying penis reached London early in the morning on February 25.

People all over Londen watched in shock and disgust as the flying penis floated over head.

Not even women and children were safe from the filthy balloon as it slowly bobbed along

Unfortunately for the people on the ground the air was very still and calm enabling the flying penis to remain almost motionless all day.

“good lord, can’t the army shoot the damned thing down?” Clara Jones huffed. “My kids are asking me what it is, what the bleeding hell am I supposed to tell them?”
By dusk the flying penis was floating near the Parliament building.
As it neared the famous clock tower, the sound of hundreds of tourists laughing filled he air accompanied with hundreds of camera flashes illuminating the buildings.
“We were up in the Ferris wheel watching the damned thing as it hung motionless in the sky around a quarter mile away.” Bill Parton said. “It looked like it lost some of its helium because t was limp and droopy looking.”

The National Reporter consulted gas specialists on this matter and they concluded that the volume of helium in the flying penis still remained the same as it was when it was launched two years ago.
The reason for it’s apparent limpness is the result of the helium contracting in the cool night air.
Fans of the flying penis will be relieved to hear that the floating phallus should regain it’s rigged appearance when the sun light heats it up and expands the lighter than air gas.

"It looked limp and droopy like it lost a lot of its helium." Bill Parton said.

The people of London watched the flying penis as it very slowly drifted east.
It disappeared from view when the sun went down.
The next morning it was gone and presumed to be headed towards France.
The National Reporter is currently searching for the person(s) responsible for the construction of the flying penis for an exclusive interview.
If anyone knows who these people are and where they can be contacted, please notify us here at The National Reporter.

Click here for more breaking news from The National Reporter

© The National Reporter, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Flying penis seen over Pittsburgh

Huge penis photographed as it floated silently above buildings

The National Reporter
A fifty foot long balloon shaped like a penis was spotted floating over Pittsburgh today.
Eye witnesses who watched the strange object float into view at first were very excited because they thought they were seeing the arrival of alien visitors.
When it got a little closer they were appalled and shocked.
“I think it was some kind of a sick joke.” Mary Igor said. “It was a gigantic balloon shaped like a mans penis just hanging in the sky above the city for all to see including the children.,..that isn’t funny.”
By noon it had drifted over the football stadium that was filled with thousands of football fans.
“All of a sudden everyone looked up.” Joe Whunterman said. “At first I thought it was the Goodyear blimp, but when I saw what it was I was stunned. The whole stadium became silent, all you could hear was mumbling from the crowd. No one thought it was funny.”

The flying penis disrupted the big football game

The big game came to a halt for fifteen minutes as the disgusting penis shaped balloon loomed over head in the still afternoon air.
“It was deathly still that afternoon, not even a slight breeze.” Rodger Uriah said. “It was embarrassing as hell because I had my grand kids with me and they were asking me what it was.”
The National Reporter – What did you tell them?
“I told them it was an advertisement for one of those store-bought fire logs, but my nine-year old grandson knew what it was and he was blabbing it to the rest of the kids. The damned thing ruined our day.”

The flying penis disrupted the game, no one was amused at the obscene flying object.

“When we find out who made this thing they are going to be spending some time inside the county jail, I promise you that.” Pittsburgh Police chief  Thomas Riddle said.
The National Reporter – Do you have any suspects yet?
“We have a few in mind who we suspect would do something like this, sick bastards. you know the type.”
The National Reporter – Do you have any idea how this thing was constructed?
“Well, we weren’t able to shoot it down because of public safety, so all we can do is follow it hoping that it will fall to Earth or get trapped in a tree or something so we can gather forensic evidence. It looks like it was constructed out of bed sheets spray painted flesh color with purple veins and other details to make it appear more realistic.
The inside is packed from front to back with helium filled plastic garbage bags.”
The National Reporter – It sounds like someone went through a lot of trouble making this thing.
“Not really.” Chief Riddle said. “Even someone with limited skills could build one of these abominations in an afternoon.”

The flying penis was last seen heading east towards New Jersey and NYC.

By 3:00 pm the wind began to kick up and the flying penis was swept from the sky’s over Pittsburgh.
It was last seen gaining altitude and heading east towards central New Jersey and was expected to reach New York city within two days.
After that, the flying penis could possibly reach Europe within a week, although inside information received by The National Reporter indicates that the military might shoot it down as soon as it reaches the open sea.

Click here for more breaking news from The National Reporter

© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.