North Korean floating penis crisis heating up

The National Reporter

More threats are emerging from behind the 38th parallel as North Korea’s tyrannical despot Kim Jong Un steps up  his threat to launch a floating penis over the U.S. in retaliation for the mysterious floating penis that was first seen over Pittsburgh Pennsylvania and first reported right here on the National Reporter.
This video was smuggled out of that communist dictatorship at great risk to The National Reporters spy network that is operating inside of North Korea and head quartered in that country’s capital a mere two blocks from the home of Kim Jong Un.

It is rumored that the U.S. is building up air defenses along the west coast and are prepared to engage any flying objects floating in from the direction of North Korea.
There are also several reports from unidentified sources that the U.S. may be building a floating penis balloon nearly a mile long in the Nevada desert.
If these reports are true, the U.S. and North Korea may be headed to a dire impasse in diplomatic relations.

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Mysterious sounds heard in the Bermuda triangle

The National Reporter
On January 16, 2015, merchant seamen aboard a cargo vessel were nearly deafened by a very loud sound that seemed to come out of no where.

“I don’t know what the hell it was, it scared the hell out of all of us.” Seaman John Swurley told us. “We were on deck checking to make sure the rigging hadn’t slipped out of place from a storm we went through the night before when all of a sudden this sound, like a roar started up. It got louder and louder until we were all holding our ears.”
“It reminded me of a big animal roaring, like a Lion or something, but it was coming from everywhere. The sky, the sea. Everywhere all at once.” Seaman Frank Kelly explained.
The National Reporter – How long did this sound last?
“It started up and got louder and louder then it faded away. I guess it lasted about a full minute.”
“Yeah,..I would say about a minute. It was loud as all hell then it just passed by and disappeared.” John Swurley added.
The National Reporter – Could it have been another ship or an airplane?
“No. absolutely not.”Frank Kelly said. “There was nothing around, there were no other ships or planes flying by. We were all alone out there and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, so it wasn’t thunder.”
The National Reporter – Have you reported this to your employer?
“They told us to keep our mouths shut about it and the government threatened us.” He said.
“The media acted like we were carrying Ebola when we went into their offices. They didn’t want to have anything to do with us or the story.”
The National Reporter – Well, you have The National Reporter on your side.
We here at The National Reporter are not afraid to tell the truth.
The government doesn’t scare us, we can assure of that.
“Yes, The National Reporter has always been a very reliable source of information.” Frank Kelly said.
“That’s right, unlike the sleazy tabloids who make up fantastic story’s just so they can sell advertising space to greedy corporations, The National Reporter can always be depended on for bringing the truth to the public.” John Swurley said.

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Actor Danny Bonaduce finds huge gold nugget in Alaska

You're not going to believe what I just found!

The National Reporter
Actor Danny Bonaduce was invited by friends to go on a week-long gold hunting expedition in Alaska last month.
“It was just something to do, you know, get out in the fresh air and enjoy nature.” He said. “I never expected to find any gold, none of us really did. We just wanted to have a little fun, that’s all.”
The National Reporter– How did you find the gold nugget?
“Well, we were panning for gold along the shoreline for a few hours and I started getting bored and my legs were cramping, so I decided to wade out into the water and look under rocks to see if I could find a gold nugget.”
The National Reporter– Yes, that is where they usually hide.
“I picked up a few rocks to see if any gold was under them when I saw this good sized yellow rock next to some big boulders.
I reached in and picked it up and as soon as I held it up I just froze.
The first thing I thought was that no way in hell this is what it looked like. But then I became aware of how heavy it was.”
The National Reporter– Yes, gold is a very heavy element.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes, I just found a gold nugget that was almost as big as a bowling ball!”
The National Reporter– What was your first reaction?
“I got on my cell phone and called home to tell everyone the good news.

The National Reporter– We understand you had some problems when you returned home. Can you give us details?
“Yeah,..As soon as I got off the plane the ****ing IRS was right there jumping all over me grabbing my luggage and going through my pockets.
They grabbed the satchel with the gold nugget and ripped it open. They literally ripped it open, they didn’t bother to unzip it.”
The National Reporter– Would you say they were like animals tearing apart a carcass?
“I wouldn’t, but you can. They have my name and address.”
The National Reporter– What did they do with the gold nugget when they found it?
“They ran away with it, they just ran away with it. The satchel was still spinning on the ground and they were already gone. It was like being in a cartoon”
The National Reporter – Did you complain to the IRS?
“Sure I did, but they just told me this is how the new economy works and if I don’t like it they will send me to a re-education camp.”
The National Reporter – The new economy is a wonderful thing.
“Yeah,..don’t you just love the change?”

To date, Mr.Bonaduce has not received any information from the IRS concerning his gold nugget.

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Trio of Kids find amazing money machine!

Old abandoned house where the kids found the amazing money machine

The National Reporter
Three youngsters who live in Johnstown Pennsylvania were out exploring last summer when they decided to go to the old abandoned house a mile out in the woods from their suburban neighborhood.
At first they were afraid to go inside because the house is rumored to be haunted by old man Bubba, the previous owner who had died there last year.
But the spirit of adventure out weighed their silly fears and they climbed in through a window.
“The house was smelly and there was a lot of raccoon poop all over the place.” 12-year-old Jimmy Winters told us.
“Yeah,..it smelled like poop real bad.” His friend Andy Whitehall added.
“I heard old man Bubba used to go to the bathroom on the floor and put his doody in plastic bags then he would throw them at people.” 10-year-old Tommy Wright said, he was the youngest of the trio.
The National Reporter – He sounds like he was quite a nut case.
“Yeah,..he was a stupid. We used to throw rocks at his truck when ever he drove down our street.” Andy said.
The National Reporter – Tell me about the amazing money machine you boys found.
“We found it in the basement, it must have been old man Bubba’s machine.” Andy said.
The National Reporter – Where is it now?
“It’s still there.” Jimmy said. “It’s too big and heavy to move.”
The National Reporter – Well, why don’t we take a ride out there and get a look at it.
The boys agreed and we all piled into The National Reporter Hummer.
The boys directed me to go down a dusty dirt road that twisted and turned through the woods, after nearly two miles we pulled up in front of the dilapidated house and got out.
“We got to go in through the window because the door is locked.” Jimmy said.
I helped the boys climb into window then I followed them inside the dark filthy house.
It really did stink awful and there waas piles of raccoon poop all over the place.
 Once inside we made our way down to the damp musty basement.

The National Reporter – O.K. boys, where is this amazing money machine?
“It’s over there.’ Jimmy said pointing to the far corner.
I swung my flashlight around and there it was surrounded by piles of money.
The amazing money machine.

The amazing money machine with brand new money piled around it.

“We made a lot of money with it already, do you want some?” Andy asked.
The National Reporter – Sure, I’ll fill up my hummer with it.
There was more money than I have ever seen in my life, the kids were telling the truth.
It really was an amazing money machine!
The National Reporter – How does it work?
The boys scrambled over to a stack of boxes and took out a thick pile of paper and placed it into the back of the machine.
“Now all we have to do is push this button and it makes money.” Andy said.
I watched in awe as the machine hummed to life and an instant later it began spitting out brand new one hundred-dollar bills.
The National Reporter – That is the most amazing thing I have ever seen!
What are you boys going to buy with all this money?
“I’m going to buy a dirt bike and a swimming pool for my back yard.” Andy said.
Jimmy smiled and said he was going to buy a gigantic television just for playing video games on and a dirt bike.
Tommy was going to buy an all terrain vehicle and a BB gun, the kind you pump up 25 times and shoots half way through a phone book.
“What are you going to buy, Mr. Flashman?” Andy asked.
The National Reporter – Do you boys know what a hooker is?
All three of them shook their heads no.
The National Reporter – Well I’m going to buy a bunch of them.
“O.K.!” Jimmy said.
After that we made more money and scooped it up and loaded it into the hummer.
I dropped the boys off at home and bid farewell to Johnstown and made a beeline back to the land of hookers and beer.

© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.