New school urinals frighten children, parents fuming

Shelton

Shelton is a small peaceful community in Washington

The National Reporter
Parents of children who attend Shelton elementary school in Shelton, Washington are furious at school officials.
“This is the most disgusting perverted thing I have ever seen!  It’s sick! What kind of  sick mind thinks up things like this?”  Rosemary Tinkerton said at last weeks emergency school board meeting.
What Mrs. Tinkerton and the rest of the community are upset about is the new urinals that were installed in the elementary school over the summer.
“Our children are scared to death of these things, what the hell is wrong with your people!?” Mrs. Tinkerton yelled.

new school urinal

School urinal designed by Urolagnia fetishist and three time convicted sex offender, Jack Humsteader.

The new urinals were designed by Jack Humsteader, a Spokane artist who just happens to be a repeat sex offender.
Mr. Humsteader has gotten himself  into trouble with the law in the past over his uncontrollable Urolagnia fetish and has spent time in the Washington state sex offender facility  three times because of it.
The National Reporter  located Jack Humsteader in his Spokane studio and asked him why he designed the urinal.
“I just wanted to make a fun urinal for children,  I don’t understand why everyone is making such a big deal over it.”  he said.
The National Reporter  “Now Mr. Humsteader, we understand that you have a urine fetish, is this correct?”
He rolled his eyes and seemed to be a little annoyed at my question.
“What does that have to do with my art work?”
The National Reporter  “The urinals you designed for the Shelton elementary school are a mans  face with his mouth wide open for the children to urinate in. And now that I have met you and I have seen what you look like,  it is obvious that it is your face.”
Mr. Humsteader laughed nervously, his eyes darted about the room.
“Oh,..it um,..kind of looks like me you say?  Er,..um,..how about that.  What a coincidence.,..he,he.” 
By now he was shifting in his chair and rubbing his sweating palms up and down his thighs.
“Yes, of course,.. a coincidence.”
“he,he,..so,…..umm. He,he.”  Humsteader continued to squirm and jerk about in his seat. 
He appeared as though he was getting ready to leap to his feet and dash out the door at any second.
“Mr. Humsteader, are you aware of the consequences you may be facing if the Shelton school board decides to take legal action against you?”
A look of shock came over his face and he began to stammer something, then he stopped and stared at me for a few seconds. His eyeballs twitched rapidly in their sockets.
“What do you think I should do?” He asked.

I decided at that moment to end our interview before I did something that I might regret.
 I stood up and turned away from him, I could feel him staring at me as I walked out the door. 
When I returned to Shelton I received word that a warrant had been issued for Jack humsteaders arrest.
While I was in Spokane, the school board decided to remove the Jack Humsteader urinals and put the old ones back. When they did, the work crew discovered a network of coaxle cables attached to them. 
The eyes of the urinals had closed curcuit video cameras in them.
The police were notified and they traced the cables to a nearby house.
Inside they found video equipment and monitors all over the house.
“It looked like the command center at NASA.” Detective Sgt. Harry Woods said. “Someone went through a lot of trouble to get videos of the kids using those weird-looking urinals.”

Nobody was pondering the identity of the guilty party.
When the police checked to see who was living in the house,  it came as no surprise that Jack Humsteaders name was on the rental agreement.
The day after my interview with Mr. Humsteader,  he was arrested at  Seattle international airport as he was attempting to board a flight to Taiwan.
He is being held in the county jail in leu of one million dollars bond.

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© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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One Response to New school urinals frighten children, parents fuming

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