NASA tests young inventors rescue device

This tiny rocket engine can save the lives of astronauts

The National Reporter
An Ohio inventor approached NASA officials two years ago with a device he had invented claiming that it could save the lives of astronauts who found themselves unable to return to their space craft after their tether cord broke.
This nightmarish scenario has been a major worry to NASA since the first astronaut walked in space nearly fifty years ago.
But now thanks to this young inventor, that nightmare may be a thing of the past.
27 year old Wooster Ohio resident George Dewey came up with the ingenious idea of utilizing methane gas produced in the human digestive tract as fuel to power his tiny rocket engine which would propel the astronaut back to his space craft safe and sound.
The National Reporter went to Wooster Ohio to get an exclusive interview with George Dewey.
The National Reporter Congratulations on you invention Mr.Dewey.
“Thank you, I hope it saves someones life someday.”
The National Reporter – Can you tell us exactly how your invention operates in layman’s terms so that we can share it with our readers?
“I would be happy to” He said. “It’s really quite simple. The intake tube is inserted into the astronauts rectum via a small zippered portal in his space suit. Once it is firmly in place, the astronaut presses the green button on the control pad which is located on the back of his glove. This unleashes a capsule into his helmet that he takes orally.”
The National Reporter – What are the ingredients of this capsule?
“The capsule contains concentrated indigestible sugars. Once it has been swallowed it promote the formation of large quantities of intestinal gas within a matter of minutes. The gas that this particular type of sugar produces is naturally rich in highly flammable methane.”
The National Reporter – Yes, I am familiar with this particular gaseous compound. I have seen quite a few young people experimenting with its flammable property’s on internet video sites such as youtube.
“Exactly.” He said. “unfortunately a lot of these young scientists have been careless with their experiments and have needlessly suffered nasty burns and even caused occasional property damage. I urge everyone reading this to take extreme caution when you are conducting experiments with this gas. This can be extremely hazardous and it is nothing to play around with.
Any kind of testing with this gas that involves lighting it should only be conducted by qualified rocket scientists.”

The National Reporter urges all of our readers to take George Deweys advice if you are contemplating any type of experimenting with this gas.

The National Reporter – Once the astronaut takes the capsule and the gas is being produced, what happens next?
“The gas is then transferred through the plastic insertion tube to the compression tank on the side of the engine. While it is being filled, a small LED gauge on the astronauts visor tells him when it ready to fire. He can then rotate himself just like his space crafts retro rockets are able to rotate and position the craft. Once he is in the right position, he simply fires the rocket and it takes him home to his ship.
The National Reporter – That is incredible.
“Not really, it’s just science.” George said.
The National Reporter – How did you feel when you got the call from NASA informing you that they had tested your rocket and that it had performed perfectly?
“I was speechless.” He said. “It was completely unexpected. I presented them with the engine two years ago but they never contacted me.
Then out of the blue I got the phone call and they told me my engine was tested in orbit and that it worked very well. A few hours later they faxed a photograph over to me showing the astronaut using my engine. This has all been quite thrilling for me and my family.”

Astronaut Jim Barns is seen here testing George Deweys methane powered rescue rocket.

The National Reporter too bad we can’t get a photograph of the engine. I am sure our readers would really like to see what it looks like.
“No problem.” George said. “I just happen to have the prototype right here.”
He walked over to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer, he removed the prototype and pulled it up his legs until the rocket engine was positioned directly over his gas port.
“What do you think?” He asked. “Do you think your readers would want one?”
The National Reporter -Only if they are going into outer space,..Ha,ha!
“Ha,ha,..Yeah, probably.” He said.

George Dewey is seen here wearing the prototype of his methane powered rescue rocket.

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© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Man adrift at sea lights his flatulance to signal rescue helicopter

The bright blueish yellow flash was visable for miles.

The National Reporter
A man who was adrift at sea after his fishing boat sank was rescued late at night thanks to his Zippo lighter and an over abundant supply of flatulance.
Herbert Willingsworth went out to sea by himself last June to catch some Tuna fish that some friends told him were running fifteen miles from the coast of Carolina.
As night time approached he dropped his anchor and went down below to get some sleep.
Unfortunatly, he forgot to switch on his running lights thus rendering his small boat completely invisable to large vessles.
Around midnight he was struck head on by an oil tanker that split his boat wide open.
Mr. Willingsworth had just enough time to grab his C02 life raft and dive into the freezing cold water, seconds later his boat slipped beneith the dark fridged churning water of the Atlantic.
He struggled for what seemed like hours with the compacted raft looking for the Co2 cartrige so he could inflate it and get out of the water before hypothermia began to set in.
After a few minutes of groping in the chilling water he finally found it.
He pulled the pin and with a loud whoosh, his rescue raft inflated
It was a welcomed sight to see his raft bobbing on the waves in front of him.
He climbed aboard and quickly reached for the mylar emergency blanket tucked away in a side pocket of the raft.
Once he had it on, he could feel his body heat returning.
“At least I won’t be dying from hypothermia” he thought to himself.
When he was warmed up and began calming down some what, he wondered how long he would be stranded before help arrived.
Soon afterwards he fell asleep.

Early the next morning as the sun came up he scanned the horizon for any signs of a rescue plane or ships.
There was nothing, he was all alone.
Even if there were any, he didn’t have a signal mirror to attract their attention.
It was stolen weeks earlier by the local cocain users for their filthy drug habit.

Authors note: Cocain users cut up lines of their drug on mirrors to make it easier for them to smell. It is common for cocaine users to get high on the drug by smelling it. This is also called snorting.

He lied back on his raft as the waves gently lifted him up and down until it started getting dark.
Soon it was pitch black.
Around midnight he was awoken by the sound of a helicopter in the distance.
He lifted his head up and saw a Coast Guard helicopter about two miles away scanning the ocean with its bright search lights.
Thinking quickly, he reached into his pocket and took out his trusty Zippo lighter and lit it, but the tiny flame was way to small for them to see.
It was at that moment that he felt a surge of gas making its way down to his anus and he had an idea.
He repositioned his rear end so that it would be facing the helicopter and lit the lighter in front of his pants where it would be most effective.
Then he let it rip.
An instant later a huge blueish yellow flame erupted from the seat of his pants and rose into the air a good four feet.
Then to his amazment and relief, the search light on the helicopter immediatly swung around and bathed him in its blinding light.
The crew had seen his signal and he was pulled from the raft minutes later.

© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.