New riot control weapon in police arsonal

Riot police show off their new riot control weapons

The National Reporter
Police departments around the globe are praising a new weapon that is guaranteed to fend off rowdy rioters without the use of deadly force.
The simple device is the latest invention in Smith&Wesson’s long line of law enforcement oriented products.
“What we did is very simple.”Smith&Wesson chief of development told us. “We took a piece of wood that we use to make standard sized batons and instead of cutting it down, we left it at twice its normal size. Then we skewered a sizable wad of dog feces on the end and viola,.. a new non leathal riot control weapon was born!”
The National Reporter – This is remarkable, and from what we have heard it is completely safe and causes no ill effects.
“That’s absolutly true, it is already in use by several police agencys and they have given it the thumbs up across the board.”

A rioter being sub-dood by police using the new non lethal weapon.

The new device couldn’t have come at a better time as more and more frequent food shortages and failing economys around the world are causing a backlash against those who are responsible.
“If the People are going to rise up against the government, the government has to keep them under control.” Attorney General Eric Holder said. “This new anti riot device not only works very well to silence rioters, its very design also speaks very well for the way the government treats the people who elected us.”

Take that you rioter! You are now a marked man!

So far the new device has led to the break up of several riots around the world and the people are being sub-dood and forced back into submission.
The government is very pleased with the new device and plans to incorporate it into everyday use such as hall monitoring in public schools and to make sure the thriving shopping mall industry is safe and secure from shop lifters.

Supply line stands ready for the riot to begin.

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Tremendous sink hole treatening to swallow community in Virginia

The National Reporter
What began as a small hole in the ground along side of a path in a wooded area next to a Virginia beach community has grown into a colossal bottomless pit.
A group of hikers discovered the hole four months ago and reported it to the parks department.
“It looked like it could be quite hazardous.” Frank Blakely, one of the hikers told us. “We were afraid some small children might come along and fall into it. It was deep as all hell, we dropped a few rocks into it and we never heard them hit bottom.”

The hole was first discovered by hikers along side of a path in the local woods.

The parks department closed off the hole with caution tape and a plastic mesh fence and had made plans to fill the hole in.
But two weeks later the ground around the hole in a one hundred foot radius began to sink.
Several witnesses were on hand as the ground collapsed opening up a very large crater that toppled trees.
“It was a frightening thing to watch.” Silvia Shelby told us. “we could see the ground begining  to move downward slowly at first, then it just gave way and the ground opened up. Trees fell over and went down into the hole, rocks and boulders tumbled down. It was a terrifying spectical to watch.”

Two weeks after the hole was first discovered, the ground collapsed around it forming a huge crater big enough to topple trees.

That was just the beginning of things to come.
In the following months the hole continued to grow in size and depth.
by the end of the first month the hole looked like an open stone quarry one would see in the mid-west.
Local residents were in fear of the hole growing even larger and demanded that something be done about it.
“How big are they going to let that thing get before they do something about it?” nearby resident, Gloria Loomis asked.
“That damned hole is only a half mile from by house, I’m scared to death!”

One month later, the sink hole resembled an open quarry.

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine has sent surveyors out to the hole to measure its depth and width and secretary of state Hillary Clinton has been given 100 million dollars to form a study group to discuss the reactions of the local wildlife.
In the meantime the hole as grown larger each day.
Three months after the hikers came across the hole, it  grew to over five hundred yards across.

Aerial view of the hole three months after it was first discovered.

Four months later, the hole has grown to enormous proportions.
At nearly a half mile wide and with no indication of how deep it is, the hole continues to grow each day.
It has expanded to the nearby rivers and created huge water falls on its ridge which are emptying the water at a dramatic rate.
The draw of water into the hole has caused a huge surge in sea water to travel up the river and at high tide the sound of water crashing over the newly formed falls is deafening.
Residents who live  a mere few yards of the hole have been evacuated, and all they can do is stand by and watch helplessly as their homes tumble into the hole within the next few days.

Four months later the hole is poised to swallow up homes in the nearby community.

The National Reporter  went to the state capital to meet with Governor Tim Kaine to find out what he was going to do about the giant sink hole.
“There isn’t a lot we can do about it because our funds are very limited.” he told us. “It is possible to fill the hole in, but it would cost nearly 100 million dollars and the federal government refuse’s to throw that much money away on what they call, wasteful projects,  since this hole is only effecting local residents in a small town.”
The National Reporter – So what is going to happen to the people who lose their homes in the next few weeks?
“They will have to make the best of their situation I’m afraid.”

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Hillary Clinton caught peeping in neighbors bedroom window

Shocking photographic evidence of Hillarys twisted compulsion

The National Reporter
For weeks people living in the posh neighborhood in upper state NY where former president Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary now call home have complained to police that they have found foot prints in the snow out side of their bedroom windows indicating that there was a peeping Tom on the loose.
Police investigated but found no clues as to the identity of the peeping Tom, they dismissed it as neighborhood teenagers having a few laughs.
For awhile the incidents stopped until a week ago when a neighbor (who wishes to remain anonymous) got the shock of her life when she saw someone standing outside of her bedroom window looking inside.
The woman immediatly grabbed her camera and snapped a photo of the peeping Tom a split second before she saw her and ran off.
She couldn’t believe her eyes when she examined the face in the image.
It was Hillary Clinton!
She waited until her husband came home and showed him the photo.
He was agast at what he saw.
“How can she do such a thing?” he said. “for Gods sake, she ran for president of the United States last year and she is the former first lady.”
They took the photo to the police and showed it to detectives.
After they had examined it and confirmed that it was indeed Hillary Clinton, they cautioned the couple and advised them to keep quiet about it.
“You know what happens when you cross the Clintons.”detective Jones warned. “You’le end up dead and we will have to cover it up.”

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