Gang that plants drugs on innocent people busted!

Members of the notorious wedgie gang are seen here being led into court to be indicted.

The National Reporter
How many times have you watched a television police show and seen someone getting stopped for having drugs in their car?
And how many times have they said something similar to this in their defense?
“But officer, when I was stopped for the traffic light down the street a bunch of guys came up to my car and asked me for directions. They must have tossed those bags of crack in my car,..and that gun too!”
“Sure they did,” the smiling cop says. “Now get on the ground,..STOP RESISTING, STOP RESISTING! TAZER TAZER!!”
ZaaaaAAAAPPP!!!! LOL!

Last week after a five year investigation into gang activity, the FBI arrested several members of a street gang known as the Wedgies.
They call themselves the Wedgies because of their bizarre gang requirement of wearing women’s thong panties tightly drawn up between the cheeks of their buttocks, commonly known as a wedgie.
“We had noticed that quite a few people who were being arrested for drug possession in their cars were claiming in their defense that gangsters had tossed drugs, guns and stolen property into their cars while they were stopped at traffic lights.”Special agent Trent Lockwell told The National Reporter.
“We then conducted an investigation that took almost five years to complete and what we discovered was quite shocking.
This gang of thugs who call themselves the Wedgies would lie in wait for an innocent motorist to stop at a traffic light.
As soon as they had a victim in their sights, they would approach him or her and ask for directions, which is kind of suspicious to begin with.
Being that they were on foot it would seem obvious that they were in their own neighborhood, so why would they be asking people for directions?”
The National Reporter Yes, that does seem a bit odd.
“When they had the persons attention one of the gang members would sneak around to the other side of the car and toss in drugs, guns or something they had stolen in a burglary like a DVD player or a camera. They would make sure that the stolen item had a serial number on it and that the victim had reported it stolen prior to them planting it.
This way the unsuspecting person whose car they tossed it in will be charged with possession of stolen property and perhaps even the burglary.”
The National Reporter Do yu have any idea why they did this?
“Sure, they were bored.”

Members of the Wedgie street gang being arrested during the FBI sweep.

These Wedgies aren’t acting so tough now with their women’s thong panties wedged up their rear ends.
They are on their way to jail for a very long time.

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The day the circus came to town

1857 photo of the mysterious circus tent

The National Reporter
In the early morning hours of August 1857, the town of New Madrid, Missouri was visited by a small unknown circus.
The people of New Madrid naturally welcomed the small circus and eagerly anticipated the show as they set up their operation on the outskirts of town.
By the end of the day the circus was open for business and the excited locals began arriving.
In no time at all the big top was filled to capacity which much to their displeasure, left a few hundred New Madridians outside waiting for the next show.
The sounds of the ring leader shouting through his megaphone, the performers, the music and all the wild animals echoed out across the big field where the circus had set up their big tent.
And then just as the show was about to end, there was silence.
The ring master, the crowds and the howling animals had all suddenly become hushed.
After a few minutes some of the towns folk walked towards the front entrance to the tent and pulled aside the enclosure to peer inside.
They were greeted by an eerie sight.
There was no one inside.
It was completely empty.
Over four hundred towns people, performers and animals had disappeared off of the face of the Earth on that warm August evening in 1857.

The site was closed down and investigated by the finest detectives of the day looking for a clue as to where all those people disappeared to, but they never found anything.
To this day scientists are still scouring the Earth with ground sounding devices looking for underground caves and secret trap doors.
So far there has been no trace of any such underground caverns that could have been used to spirit so many people away unseen by the hundreds waiting outside of the big tent.
All that remains on the location is a plaque dedicated to the missing.
The bizarre occurence is still one of the most puzzling missing persons mystery in the U.S. to this day.

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Tall hat cult stirring up trouble in San Francisco

The National Reporter

San Francisco’s infamous tall hat cult is once again stirring up debate among city law makers and voters this week by demanding equal rights and full recognition as a legitimate religion.
These renewed protests were sparked off when a group of silver tall hats deliberately lined up in the front row of San Francisco’s largest movie theater and blocked the screen from the rest of the patrons.
Silver hats are the high priests of the tall hat cult and are known to be extremely militant when they want to be.

A line of protesting silver hats blocked the screen during a film nearly setting off a riot.

A half hour after the silver hats began their protest, the theater manager notified the police.
By the time the police arrived the front entrance of the theater was blocked by nearly one hundred tall hats shouting the sacred words of the tall hat cult.
The mob was comprised of lesser members who are refered to as card board tube heads.
“HA-goot-TAH-Pooh-gah!!” they chanted loudly, refusing to allow the police entrance into the theater.
Finally the police dispersed the cultists with a fire hose that knocked their card board hats to the ground and ruined them with the water.
The following day several tall hat cultists set up a picket line in front of town hall with at least two of the dangerous silver hats in attendance.
Police suspect that the silver hats were there to direct the card board tube heads in case they wanted them to become violent.

Two silver hats are seen here leading the card board tube heads at the picket line in front of town hall.

Police were worried that the protest could escalate into a full fledged riot if they tried to prevent the tall hats from picketing, so they blocked off the main street and let them march.
“There are hundreds of these wacko’s out there.” The police chief told us. “If we try to stop them from picketing all hell will break loose.”
The people have had enough of the tall hat cult and they have been banned from most business’s including the public bus system, which is what set off the first riots last summer.
The city bus line refused to allow tall hats to ride the bus unless they removed their hats after one of them caused an accident when his hat pinned the drivers face to the windshield while the tall hat cultist was taking his seat.
“This is ridiculous.” Transit chief William Brown said. “These tall hat cultists,. all they are is a bunch of nut jobs who want attention and to cause trouble. They should all be run out-of-town.”

The city bus line has banned the tall hats from their buses after one of them caused an accident with his hat.

For now the tall hat cult is keeping this latest round of civil unrest at an acceptable level, but the police are keeping a close watch on them and it has been rumored that several undercover officers have infiltrated the cult.
As always, The National Reporter will keep our readers up to date on this and other story’s as they develop.

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Special needs students topple school bus

All of the students leaned to one side causing the bus to topple over.

The National Reporter
Several special needs students from Parkside developmental center in Mulberry, Indiana were injured last week when the bus they were riding in toppled over onto its side.
Local residents ran out of their homes when they heard the loud crash.
“I didn’t know what happened.” Rosey Huffmyer said. “I was watching television when all of a sudden I heard this loud noise out front. It sounded like a plane crash.”
Jim Bronson was mowing his lawn when the crash occurred.
I was mowing the grass when I saw one of those short yellow buses coming down the street. It was leaning to one side and the wheels on the right side were coming up off the pavement. I could see everyone inside the bus were all crowded together on the left side of the bus. It looked like they were deliberately trying to make the bus fall over.”

The National Reporter was able to interview some of the passengers while they were being treated for cuts and bruises.
The National Reporter – can you tell us how your bus fell over?
“We was playing tip over.” 23-year-old Claude Harrington told us. “We was all leaning against the one side of the bus to make the wheels go up in the air, but then it went too far and we fell the **** over.”
“Yeah.” Jenson George added. “It fell over cause we was leaning to hard.”
The National Reporter – Whose idea was it to tip the bus over?
“It was my idea.” Eddie Baker said. “I wanted to do something fun, so I told everyone to get on one side of the bus and push real hard.”
The National Reporter- Did you know that the bus would tip over?
“Yeah, that’s why we did it.” He said.
“It was real fun!” Jenson said.

None of the rowdy special needs students have been charged with criminal mischief despite the damage they caused with their Tom foolery and they were all back at school the next day.
After the incident, school officials at Parkside developmental center announced that in the interest of public safety, all passengers on their buses are to be held in place with seat belts and required to wear safety helmets and the students will be accompanied by special uniformed safety monitors equiped with tasers.

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Man dies of heart attack while mooning neighbors

William Martin's rear end was sticking out of his window for three days before neighbors called police.

The National Reporter

56 year old William Martin of Chicago didn’t get along with his neighbors.
Police records show that they had been called to his house several times to handle neighborhood disputes because of his antagonistic behavior.
Last week Mr. Martin was having a fight with the people who lived across the street from him and after they had gone into their home to ignore him, he decided to moon them from his bedroom window.
A few of his neighbors witnessed him opening his window and thrusting his naked buttocks out in an obscene manner while yelling obscenities at the top of his lungs.
This went on for about an hour, then he stopped shouting and just sat on the window sill with his naked rear end hanging out in the breeze.
“We thought he had really gone off the deep end this time.” Neighbor Jack Warner told us. “Everyone on the block came out to look at him with his ass out the window then it got dark out and we all went home. The next morning when I got up to go to work he was still there.”
The National Reporter – Didn’t you think it was odd that he would stay there like that all night long?
“Nah,.not really. He was a nut job and this is just the sort of thing that we would expect him to do.”
The National Reporter – When did you realise that there was something wrong?
“Well, two days later one of the kids down the street thought it would be funny to shoot him in the ass with his BB gun.” he said. “He shot him right square in the ass and he didn’t even flinch. He shot him a few more times and he just sat there with his ass hanging out the window completely oblivious to the stinging pain.”
The National Reporter – What happened then?
“A crowd began to form, people were laughing as the kid repeatedly shot him in the ass with his BB gun. A few minutes later a few of the kids friends came racing up on their bicycles with their BB guns and then there was five of them pelting his buttocks. Everyone thought it was hilarious, but no one was wondering why he just sat there taking it like that.”
The National Reporter – How long did that go on?
“For about an hour, then we told the kids to knock it off, he had enough punishment. After that, the crowd dispersed and everyone went home.”
The National Reporter – Amazing, and not one person thought that there might be something wrong with him?
“Nope, like I said, This was just the sort of thing that he would do. He was a nut.”
The National Reporter – What happened after that?
“Well the next day when I left the house to go to work and I saw that he was still there I suspected that there might be something wrong with him, so I called the cops.
I mean three days with your ass hanging out the window even after being shot a few hundred times with BB guns was a bit abnormal, even for Bill Martin.
Later that night when I got home from work I saw that the cops had put yellow crime scene tape all around the house and Bill was still in the window with his ass hanging out. I thought that was kind of weird.
The was a cop standing in front of the house so I asked him what was going on.
That was when I found out that Bill had been dead for three days. The reason why they didn’t remove him from the window is because of his rigor mortis. He was so stiff that they had to call in a specialist with a power saw to cut his legs off just to remove him from the window.”
William Martin was removed from the window later that evening.
Funeral service will be held at Thompsons funeral home.

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Sadistic zoo angers animal rights groups

Bob's Teasing zoo has become a topic of outrage and concern among animal rights activists

The National Reporter
Animal rights groups in Portland Oregon are steaming mad over a new zoo that recently opened in the downtown district.
It is a zoo where visitors can tease, harass and even cause pain to innocent animals.
“What the hell kind of place is this where young children are handed slingshots and told to shoot animals?” Peta activist Clarg Romwell said in disgust.
The National Reporter – Are you saying the zoo officials allow people to shoot their animals with slingshots?
“Allow them?” He grunted. “They give them the slingshots and then the kids tip toe out behind a park ‘hunting guide’ to shoot unsuspecting animals.  When the animal runs off in pain, the park’s ‘hunting guide” has a big laugh with the kids. It’s sickening.”

A park guide and his youthful gang of hunters sneaking up behind this unsuspecting baby elephant with slingshots.

The National Reporter  walked around the park to investigate the cruel and bizarre goings on at this zoo.
What we found was quite disturbing.
In front of the monkey cages was the usual vending machines where you put in a dime and a handful of peanuts drop out for visitors to toss to the monkeys.
But at this zoo, the peanuts have a long string attached to them so the visitors can pull the treats away from the monkeys before they reach them.
Some of the more sadistic visitors wait until the monkeys have eaten them so they can pull them out of their mouths and then watch them chase them around the cage.
The National Reporter  was on hand to witness some of the  sadistic bastards laughing their fool heads off at this mean game.

In the aquarium section there is a big glass tank with several large fish swimming around inside of it.
I watched as a group of children banged on the glass while laughing at a poor fish swimming in circles apparently trying to get away from the painful vibrations their pounding was causing in the water.
I was going to tell them to stop when I saw the sign painted on the glass encouraging visitors to bang on the glass.

The poor fish had nowhere to escape the painful vibrations the children where causing by banging their fists against the aquarium glass.

I walked over to the alligator pit and watched in horror as young children played “wake up Wally” under the supervision of a zoo official.
What they did was tie an M-80 firecracker to a long stick, lite it and then dangle it over the head of a sleeping alligator.
When the large deafening fire cracker exploded, the poor alligator leaped into the air and scrambled into the water with all the other startled alligators.
I have no doubt in my mind that the poor thing was totally deaf from all the times it had been subjected to this cruel trick and was reacting to the percussion of the big firework.

This poor aligator is about to get a wake up call from the sadistic bastards who run this zoo.

I couldn’t stay there and listen to the laughter coming from the zoo officials and the children  any longer.
I walked over to the big cat area figuring no one would dare mess with them because cats don’t take to kindly to humans doing mean things to them.
Naturally I was wrong.
In front of the Tiger compound there was a booth full of water pistols with a big sign that read, ‘Shoot the Tiger in the ass with turpentine.’
For a small fee of five dollars, guests were handed a squirt gun and told to shoot the unsuspecting Tiger in the anus with the harsh burning solvent.
I could just imagine how excruciatingly painful it must have been for the poor Tiger.
As I stood there in total disbelief by what I was seeing, a young girl around 21 years old walked up and handed the booth attendant five dollars and picked up a green squirt gun.
She and her snickering date then walked over to the fence to wait for a Tiger to walk by.
A second later, a Tiger (who seemed to have been forced from his hiding place) walked out onto the path in front of the young lady.
She raised her squirt gun and waited patiently for him to walk past her so she could get a good clean shot at his tender hind quarters.
As soon as the target was in full view, she squeezed the trigger and unleashed a long stream of turpentine that struck the poor Tiger directly in his anus.

Wait for it,..wait for it,..This cruel game was one of the more sadistic attractions at the teasing zoo.

The Poor Tiger screeched at the top of his lungs and leaped six feet into the air, then dragging his burning rear end on the ground made his way back to its hiding place behind the shrubbery.
The young lady and her date were in hysterics.
The National Reporter - Do you think its fun to cause a poor defenseless animal pain like that?
“Are you talking to us?” Her date asked.
The National Reporter  -Yes I am.
“What are you,..one of those animal right’s whack jobs?”
The young girl giggled at her dates remark.
The National Reporter – No,.I’m a reporter for The National Reporter.
“Wow,..The National Reporter?” he said. “The same National Reporter that prides itself on the fact that each and every news story they cover has the world famous and highly respected seal of honesty from the International Reporters Association?”

The National Reporter - Yes, it is extremely cruel to animals and you two should leave and never come back here.
“If The National Reporter says this is wrong then it must be. We’ll leave right now and never come back here to this awful place!” they said.
I watched as they quickly made their way to the parking lot and left without looking back.
I only hoped that I could reach other visitors and show them how sick and depraved this zoo was.
I made my way over to the hippo pond and watched as a very large and seemingly happy hippo splashed around in the hot afternoon sun enjoying the cool water.
“How could anyone want to do anything cruel to this animal?” I thought to myself.
Then I saw it.
A booth about fifty feet away with a line of excited kids standing in front of it.
“Oh dear lord, what kind of cruel act are these kids paying to perform on this gentile beast?” I said out loud.
An old gray haired woman with no teeth looked up at me as she hobbled past me on her old aluminum cane that was wrapped in gray duct tape around the bottom.
No doubt the length adjuster was broken and this was the only way she could fix it without breaking out her coin purse and freeing all the tiny cartoon moths within.
She muttered something under her breath, I wasn’t sure what it was but it sounded like, “Move,..your standing in the way!”
undeterred by the miserable old cow, I made my way over to the booth to see what kid of deranged act of cruelty could be had for a few measly dollars.
What I saw was shocking.
For ten dollars a guest could push a button and zap the hippo with 100 thousand volts of electricity.
It was guaranteed to knock the poor animal out cold for at least a full minute and you could laugh your fool head off watching him spasm uncontrollably in the water.

Go on Timmy, push the button for some laughs!

I watch a young lad around ten years old hand the attendant ten dollars and he opened  the gate for him.
The kid walked up to a the zapper button and stood in front of  it for a few seconds.
He seemed kind of apprehensive about pushing the button.
Perhaps he was feeling a little sorry for the hippo, after all the hippo didn’t do anything to him.
Why would he want to zap the hippo with 100 thousand volts of electricity?
I walked over to the little boy and smiled.
“That’s it son, do the right thing.” I said.
He looked up at me, smiled and nodded his head.
Then he and slammed his little palm against the button sending 100 thousand volts of electricity into the pond.
The hippo jerked wildly as it slowly rolled over in the water with its legs spasming and flailing the air.
The entire surface of the water rippled violently from the high voltage coursing through it.
A second later the little boy was mobbed by his little friends who patted him on the back with shouts of “Good F—ing job!” and “Dude,..you zapped that Mother F—ing bastard good!”
Then his father came over and with a big proud grin and said,”What do you say champ,.want to go celebrate with some F—ing ice cream?”
This reporter just stood there in disbelief for what I had witnessed at this zoo.
The National Reporter supports the closing of this sadistic zoo and encourages our readers to petition for the arrest of the owners.

Click here and sign the pettition to close down this sick twisted hell hole!
Close down Bob’s teasing zoo!

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NASA tests young inventors rescue device

This tiny rocket engine can save the lives of astronauts

The National Reporter
An Ohio inventor approached NASA officials two years ago with a device he had invented claiming that it could save the lives of astronauts who found themselves unable to return to their space craft after their tether cord broke.
This nightmarish scenario has been a major worry to NASA since the first astronaut walked in space nearly fifty years ago.
But now thanks to this young inventor, that nightmare may be a thing of the past.
27 year old Wooster Ohio resident George Dewey came up with the ingenious idea of utilizing methane gas produced in the human digestive tract as fuel to power his tiny rocket engine which would propel the astronaut back to his space craft safe and sound.
The National Reporter went to Wooster Ohio to get an exclusive interview with George Dewey.
The National Reporter Congratulations on you invention Mr.Dewey.
“Thank you, I hope it saves someones life someday.”
The National Reporter – Can you tell us exactly how your invention operates in layman’s terms so that we can share it with our readers?
“I would be happy to” He said. “It’s really quite simple. The intake tube is inserted into the astronauts rectum via a small zippered portal in his space suit. Once it is firmly in place, the astronaut presses the green button on the control pad which is located on the back of his glove. This unleashes a capsule into his helmet that he takes orally.”
The National Reporter – What are the ingredients of this capsule?
“The capsule contains concentrated indigestible sugars. Once it has been swallowed it promote the formation of large quantities of intestinal gas within a matter of minutes. The gas that this particular type of sugar produces is naturally rich in highly flammable methane.”
The National Reporter – Yes, I am familiar with this particular gaseous compound. I have seen quite a few young people experimenting with its flammable property’s on internet video sites such as youtube.
“Exactly.” He said. “unfortunately a lot of these young scientists have been careless with their experiments and have needlessly suffered nasty burns and even caused occasional property damage. I urge everyone reading this to take extreme caution when you are conducting experiments with this gas. This can be extremely hazardous and it is nothing to play around with.
Any kind of testing with this gas that involves lighting it should only be conducted by qualified rocket scientists.”

The National Reporter urges all of our readers to take George Deweys advice if you are contemplating any type of experimenting with this gas.

The National Reporter – Once the astronaut takes the capsule and the gas is being produced, what happens next?
“The gas is then transferred through the plastic insertion tube to the compression tank on the side of the engine. While it is being filled, a small LED gauge on the astronauts visor tells him when it ready to fire. He can then rotate himself just like his space crafts retro rockets are able to rotate and position the craft. Once he is in the right position, he simply fires the rocket and it takes him home to his ship.
The National Reporter – That is incredible.
“Not really, it’s just science.” George said.
The National Reporter – How did you feel when you got the call from NASA informing you that they had tested your rocket and that it had performed perfectly?
“I was speechless.” He said. “It was completely unexpected. I presented them with the engine two years ago but they never contacted me.
Then out of the blue I got the phone call and they told me my engine was tested in orbit and that it worked very well. A few hours later they faxed a photograph over to me showing the astronaut using my engine. This has all been quite thrilling for me and my family.”

Astronaut Jim Barns is seen here testing George Deweys methane powered rescue rocket.

The National Reporter too bad we can’t get a photograph of the engine. I am sure our readers would really like to see what it looks like.
“No problem.” George said. “I just happen to have the prototype right here.”
He walked over to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer, he removed the prototype and pulled it up his legs until the rocket engine was positioned directly over his gas port.
“What do you think?” He asked. “Do you think your readers would want one?”
The National Reporter -Only if they are going into outer space,..Ha,ha!
“Ha,ha,..Yeah, probably.” He said.

George Dewey is seen here wearing the prototype of his methane powered rescue rocket.

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Alison Angel flattens mugger

Dainty adult film star Alison Angel at home.

The National Reporter
Alison Angel, the petite beauty and star of several adult films was attacked outside of her home over the weekend by an obsessed fan.

Alison Angel is the second adult film star who has been in the news this week.
Read more here.
Gianna Michaels lands 1200 pound shark

“I was out in my garden watering my tomato plants when this guy came up from behind out of no where and put his arms around me.” Miss Angel told us.
The National Reporter - What did you do?
“Well at first I was scared, but my karate training kicked in and I grabbed his arms and threw him over my shoulder.” she said.
Alison has been taking karate lessons from long time friend and co-adult film star Gianna Michael’s.
Alison holds a brown belt and she expects to be promoted to black belt early next year.
The National Reporter - What happened after you threw him to the ground?
“I thought he was knocked out at first because he just layed there for a few seconds. But then he got up and came at me again. That was when I really layed into him with a few round house kicks and a flurry of punches.” She said.
The National Reporter – Were you scared at all?
“Not at first, I just reacted and let my Karate training take over. The next thing I knew he was laying on the ground unconcience and I ran inside to call the police.”

The mugger has been identified as 24-year-old Abdul Mustafa, who had recently immigrated to the U.S. from Pakistan.
Police have disclosed that he is a registered sex offender in Pakistan and had been imprisoned seven times for rape and child molestation before he immigrated to the U.S. last year.

Abdul Mustafa after being beat up by petite adult film star, Alison Angel.

When The National Reporter showed Miss angel the photograph of her attacker taken at the county jail, she let out a quiet girlish giggle.
“Oh my goodness,..did I do that?” she said.
She seemed kind of surprised at the severity of the facial injures that she had inflicted on him.

Breaking news! Alison’s mugger sentenced to fifteen years in prison!
Read it now!

Ooops,..I guess I don't know my own strength.

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Tremendous sink hole treatening to swallow community in Virginia

The National Reporter
What began as a small hole in the ground along side of a path in a wooded area next to a Virginia beach community has grown into a colossal bottomless pit.
A group of hikers discovered the hole four months ago and reported it to the parks department.
“It looked like it could be quite hazardous.” Frank Blakely, one of the hikers told us. “We were afraid some small children might come along and fall into it. It was deep as all hell, we dropped a few rocks into it and we never heard them hit bottom.”

The hole was first discovered by hikers along side of a path in the local woods.

The parks department closed off the hole with caution tape and a plastic mesh fence and had made plans to fill the hole in.
But two weeks later the ground around the hole in a one hundred foot radius began to sink.
Several witnesses were on hand as the ground collapsed opening up a very large crater that toppled trees.
“It was a frightening thing to watch.” Silvia Shelby told us. “we could see the ground begining  to move downward slowly at first, then it just gave way and the ground opened up. Trees fell over and went down into the hole, rocks and boulders tumbled down. It was a terrifying spectical to watch.”

Two weeks after the hole was first discovered, the ground collapsed around it forming a huge crater big enough to topple trees.

That was just the beginning of things to come.
In the following months the hole continued to grow in size and depth.
by the end of the first month the hole looked like an open stone quarry one would see in the mid-west.
Local residents were in fear of the hole growing even larger and demanded that something be done about it.
“How big are they going to let that thing get before they do something about it?” nearby resident, Gloria Loomis asked.
“That damned hole is only a half mile from by house, I’m scared to death!”

One month later, the sink hole resembled an open quarry.

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine has sent surveyors out to the hole to measure its depth and width and secretary of state Hillary Clinton has been given 100 million dollars to form a study group to discuss the reactions of the local wildlife.
In the meantime the hole as grown larger each day.
Three months after the hikers came across the hole, it  grew to over five hundred yards across.

Aerial view of the hole three months after it was first discovered.

Four months later, the hole has grown to enormous proportions.
At nearly a half mile wide and with no indication of how deep it is, the hole continues to grow each day.
It has expanded to the nearby rivers and created huge water falls on its ridge which are emptying the water at a dramatic rate.
The draw of water into the hole has caused a huge surge in sea water to travel up the river and at high tide the sound of water crashing over the newly formed falls is deafening.
Residents who live  a mere few yards of the hole have been evacuated, and all they can do is stand by and watch helplessly as their homes tumble into the hole within the next few days.

Four months later the hole is poised to swallow up homes in the nearby community.

The National Reporter  went to the state capital to meet with Governor Tim Kaine to find out what he was going to do about the giant sink hole.
“There isn’t a lot we can do about it because our funds are very limited.” he told us. “It is possible to fill the hole in, but it would cost nearly 100 million dollars and the federal government refuse’s to throw that much money away on what they call, wasteful projects,  since this hole is only effecting local residents in a small town.”
The National Reporter – So what is going to happen to the people who lose their homes in the next few weeks?
“They will have to make the best of their situation I’m afraid.”

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Mile wide whirlpool appears off NJ coast

Image taken by the space shuttle as it passed over the whirlpool.

The National Reporter
Boaters navigating the coastal waters of New Jersey got the shock of their lives this week when a massive whirlpool began to form a mile out to sea from Seaside Heights.
“It was weird as hell.” Captain Frank Bright told The National Reporter. ”We were on a routine trip passing Seaside heights about a mile out at sea when we noticed that our compass was indicating that we were turning in a large circle and heading back in the direction that we had just came. It was very strange. i’ll tell you that. I was holding the ship’s wheel perfectly straight, and we were turning around facing the opposite direction within a few minutes.
After I checked all my instruments I realised that there was nothing wrong with the ship, the ocean was turning in a large circle.”
The National Reporter – Were you being sucked into the vortex of the whirlpool?
“No,..it wasn’t strong enough at that time. It was just starting to become a whirlpool as we were going past. We did however see the surface of the ocean lower into a mile wide circular depression. That was when we decided to high tail it out of there and head back to port.”

The coast guard has issued an emergency warning for all shipping to stay out of the area.
No ships are permitted within twenty miles of the phenomenon which the coast guard has described as a ship swallowing class maelstrom.
The mouth of the vortex is estimated to be a quarter mile wide.
A whirlpool of that size can easily grab hold of the largest ships in the world today and drag them under the surface with very little effort.

Two curious onlookers brave the freezing cold to gaze out at the massive whirlpool from atop a lifeguard stand

Dr. Kevin Terpin of the national oceanic research center has been on the scene studying the whirlpool since it began.
He had agreed to give The National Reporter an exclusive interview.
The National Reporter – Can you tell us what caused this whirlpool and why it is so huge?
“I think I can.” He said. “First we have to examine the ocean currents in the area. We have a strong current coming up from the south that is carrying warm water. That current is colliding with cold water coming down from the north. ordinarily the cold water from the north would have no effect because there is so little of it, but due to all the rain and cold weather we have had this year there is an ample supply.”
The National Reporter - So it was caused by cold water colliding with warm water?
“Exactly. What we are witnessing is an aquatic tornado. The whirlpool has formed exactly like a tornado only with warm water colliding with cold water instead of warm air and cold air.”
The National Reporter - How long do you think it will last?
“A week or two. After that the water will become to chilly to generate the rolling effect that is causing it. It will disappear as suddenly as it appeared.

If you live in the area and would like to see the whirlpool, make sure to dress warm and bring binoculars.
Please obey the local police and by all means, stay out of the water!
Do not try to launch any small craft like kayaks of row boats.
Even though the whirlpool is a mile out at sea, it has the strength to grab your boat a mere hundred feet from shore and drag you out to it.

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