White poop. The deadly secret.

The National Reporter
In recent months young people across the nation have been experimenting with a very dangerous chemical that can be easily obtained from dog excrement.
Reckless people have discovered the explosive properties of the crystalline substance that forms on the surface of dog poop when it turns white.
When combined with a simple base compound such as ordinary bubble gum, this white substance produces enough explosive power to rival military grade C-4.
So far there have been no serious injuries resulting from this dangerous discovery and law enforcement agencies from coast to coast are on the lookout for anyone experimenting with this substance.
Police cyber units are also watching the internet very closely for persons engaged in providing information on the manufacture of this lethal explosive.
The National Reporter has made this video in an effort to alert parents to this danger and to inform them of the tell tale signs that their children may be manufacturing this volatile explosive.
We advise parents to alert the police immediately if they hear a huge explosion in their neighborhood.

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The National Reporter captures ghost on video!

The National Reporter
In the first week of May 2010, The National Reporter invited a team of paranormal investigators to accompany us to an abandoned farmhouse located in the outskirts of Windber Pennsylvania.
We had received a communication from a long time reader informing us that he knew of a house in nearby Windber that he swears was haunted.
He described his experiance at the house when he and his friends drove out there late one night during his teen years.
It was an experiance that he never forgot.
After viewing this video we are sure that even the most hard core sceptic will think twice about whether or not ghosts exist.

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Man grows potato with internal organs

Dissected potato contains living flesh organs like a human being

The National Reporter
Idaho is famous for its potatos, but a recently developed strain of potato has local farmers and the state agriculture department worried.
Zack Efram, a local potato grower and amature genetic scientist has managed to create a new strain of tuber that contains working organs like a human being.
The National Reporter went to Idaho to speak with Mr. Efram about his creation.
The National Reporter – How did you manage to create a potato with organs?
“Well, I started with frog genes, you see. I introduced a frogs genetic code into the cellular compound of a potato.” He said. “I was trying to create a potato with an elastic skin that would have a meaty taste to it, but it failed over and over again.”
The National Reporter – What was your reaction when you opened this potato and saw that it contained internal organs?
“Well, I was taken back a little, you can imagine seeing something like that. The little heart was beating and I could see greenish blood pumping through the tiny veins. The whole inside of the potato was alive when I sliced it open.”

Idaho potato farmer Zack Efram is seen here holding a freshly picked living organ potato

The National Reporter – What happened after you sliced it open?
“After I sliced it open? Well, the organs were moving around because they were alive and functioning. But after a few minutes they slowed down and stopped. I guess the damn thing died.”
The National Reporter – Have you tasted any of these organ potatos yet?
“What are you kidding?” He laughed. “I wouldn’t eat one of those damn things if you paid me a million bucks. Shoot, they scare the hell out of me, are you serious?”
The National Reporter -What are your plans for them?
“Well hell, I don’t know.” He said. “I wish I hadn’t grown any of them at all. They’re all over the place now. Some of the damn things are sprouting legs and walking around the farm. My wife is scared out of her mind of the damned things.”
The National Reporter – They are growing legs and walking around? That is amazing.
“Yeah,..amazing. You can have the whole lot of them.” he said.

Zack Efram isn’t sure what he is going to do with these amazing potatos and we have learned that the Idaho department of agriculture may seize his farm to prevent the spread of his living organ potatos as they have been declared a biological threat.
As always, The National Reporter will stay on top of this story as it unfolds.

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Ancient Martian building may have been a brothel

Ancient martian building first photographed in 1987 may have been used as a house of ill repute millions of years ago by Martians.

 

The National Reporter
The famous ruins that were first discovered and photographed on Mars way back in 1987 may reveal some clues to the nature of the civilisation that built it.
Scientific data accumulated from the photographs and from recent discoverys indicate that the building was in the center of Martian activity much in the same way that brothels dominated frontier boom towns in the U.S.
It has been suggested that ancient Martians worked as miners in the nearby mountains and they may have spent their earnings in the local house of prostitution just like miners did on Earth in the 1800′s.
“They were very much like us.” Doctor George Westly of The National Institute of ancient studies told us.
“The ancient Martian men would go to work in the nearby mountains toiling underground for hours on end and at the end of the week they would reward themselves with a trip to the local bawdy house just like their human counterparts on Earth.”
Although Dr.Westlys theory has attracted the attention of a public eager to delve into what could be a lascivious past of the long extinct Martian race, it has also drawn quite a bit of criticism from the scientific community.
“Westly is an idiot, plain and simple.” Professor Alex Cantone huffed. “A martian whorehouse? Bah,..rubbish!” 

Close up of the suspected den of iniquity nestled in the hills of the Martian landscape.

 

Dr.Westly has defended his Martian bordello theory at several scientific seminars across the globe in recent months.
“I don’t understand why my colleagues are having such a hard time believing the truth about the ancient Martians.” He told us. “I don’t understand why they can’t just accept the fact that these were ordinary people with ordinary needs just like us.
Why do they have to embrace the silly image of Martians being super intelligent and advanced?
People who think that way have watched way too many science fiction movies.” 

For now the Martian cat house theory is still being discussed within scientific circles but not taken seriously, much to the dismay of Dr. Westly.
“I will take this to the public and present all of my evidence that this was a brothel.” he said. “The truth will not be denied and I will show the world.” 

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Censors move at light speed to remove UFO from Google Earth

 

Strange disc shaped object on the ground in a remote area of Canada

The National Reporter
Google Earth has once again been caught removing the image of a suspected UFO from their famous mapping program.
In the photograph above, a disc shaped object is clearly seen on the ground in this isolated region of Canada.

A second photograph of the landing site was taken a day later and quickly used to replace the original image.

The suspected UFO in the photograph above was in Google Earths data base on April 14 when it was first spotted by a North Carolina man who immediatly posted it on the internet.
The image was quickly removed within 24 hours of his discovery by Google Earths special censorship team.
The area in question can be viewed by typing these coordinates into Google Earths search window.
54 12’56.76N    106 00’52.12″W

If anyone doubts that Google Earth has removed the image and replaced it with one showing no UFO, you can see it for yourself.

UFO’s have become such a problem for Google Earth that they had to assemble a special censorship team who’s sole purpose is to scan all the new images for any signs of extra-terrestrial space craft.
In the past, actual UFO images have appeared on Google Earth much to the dismay of certain government agencys which because of national security, The National Reporter is forbidden to name.
Google Earths censorship team has also been instrumental in debunking other alleged images of UFO’s that turned out to be common objects such as round buildings and radio antennas.

Top: an unidentified flying object that was quickly removed by Google Earth.Bottom: What appears to be a classical flying saucer is nothing more than a round pump building in Romania.

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Blackbeards parrot still alive and talking 292 years after the famed pirates death

Pepe, the 306 year old pet parrot of famed pirate Blackbeard.

The National Reporter
Pepe the parrot, Blackbeard’s companion during his famous exploits on the high seas, is still alive and talking up a storm 292 years after Blackbeard’s death and what he has to say has historians in an up roar.
It was previously believed that Blackbeard was killed during a battle with sailors sent to kill him on orders from Virginas governor, Alexander Spotswood.
But according to Pepe the parrot, this story is not true.
Black beard the pirate was killed in a fight with his life long nemesis, Popette.

Popette the sailing man, Blackbeard's arch nemesis and according to Pepe, the man who killed the famous pirate.

Pepe explained to a crowded room at MIT that the long-standing feud between Blackbeard and Popette began when they were in their early twenties.
They both had a crush on the daughter of Eliza McMurryweather, the local businessman who had made a fortune in the importing business in particular the olive oil trade which was very lucrative in the days preceding the discovery of crude oil.
Olive oil was prefered over whale oil because it was only a fraction of the price and had more uses.
Pepe told the audience that it was during their very first fist fight that Blackbeard suffered an injury that would cause him a great deal of pain for the rest of his life.
He had broken the big toe on his left foot and he foolishly let it go untreated.
As a result, the toe became permanently discolored dark blue.
Popette would mock him when ever their paths crossed by calling him, ‘Blue toe.”

Teresa McMurryweather the daughter of olive oil importer Eliza McMurryweather was the apple of both Blackbeard's and Popette's eye.

When they were in their early thirtys they ran into each other in a saloon in Haiti and immediately got into a brutal fist fight that lasted for nearly an hour.
During the scuffle, Blackbeard stabbed Popette in the face with a dagger which resulted in the loss of his eye.
Because of the persistent pain in his eye socket, Popette began ingesting large quanitys of marijuana .
After years of abusing the drug he developed a drug induced psychosis that made him believe that the marijuana had the ability to give him super strength and added to that the constant exposure to the harsh resins, his vocal chords became severely damaged resulting in his well-known gravely voice.

Blackbeard the pirate, also known as Blue toe because of the discolored big toe he acquired during a fistfight with Popette the sailing man.

Because of his advanced age, Pepe was only able to speak for a short time.
He was returned to his room by his nursing staff and is expected to continue his speaking tour in a few days.
The National Reporter will be on hand when he does.

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Remarkable new strain of marijuana increases intelligence

John Farly is seen here holding his miraculous marijuana

The National Reporter
A Newton Massachusetts man has developed a new type of marijuana that he claims has the power to enhance the intelligence of anyone who smokes it.
John Farly announced his amazing new discovery last summer at the state science fair in Boston.
So far all of his test subjects claim that they have experienced an increase in intelligence after smoking the marijuana.
State drug control officers are keeping a close watch on Mr. Farly in case they decide to arrest him for violating Mass. drug laws.
“I don’t understand why they would want to arrest me.”Mr.Farly told us. “This is a good thing, not a bad thing.”

One of his test subjects, Carlos Beninto, invented and constructed a pair of makeshift wings that enabled him to fly around his neighborhood for nearly twenty minutes while he was under going an intelligence boost with the help of John Farlys marijuana.
“I can’t believe how much this marijuana increased my intelligence.” He said “I invented, designed and built the wings within a half hour after smoking Johns amazing new marijuana.”

Carlos Beninto seen here wearing his fantastic flying wings.

John Farly has tried to obtain a U.S. patent for his new strain of marijuana several times, but his request has been turned down on the grounds that it violates U.S. drug laws.
The National Reporter went with Mr. Farly to district court last week to sit in on one of his appeals.
We were surprised when he showed up at the courthouse wearing what he calls his costume of defiance.
“I am wearing this to show my contempt for the government’s refusal to understand the importance of my new marijuana.” He explained. “If they don’t want to deal with John Farly then they can deal with Mr. Greenbean.”

John Farly is seen here entering district court disguised as his alter ego, Mr. Greenbean.

The National Reporter went into the court room with Mr. Farly and as soon as the judge saw him dressed up as Mr.Greenbean he let out a long muffled moan, removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
“Good morning Mr. Farly.” He groaned. “I see we are going to be Mr.Greenbean again today.”
“Mr.Farly? Who is Mr.Farly? I am Mr. Greenbean.” He answered, with a grin.
I could hear people around me in the crowded courtroom whispering, “It’s that pot guy again.”
Others were laughing and taking pictures of him with their cell phones.
John Farly ignored all the comments and the flashing cell phones and remained focused on his case.
As soon as the court officer announced that court was now in session, the judge called Mr. Farly to the bench.
He whispered someting to him, I couldn’t hear what it was.
A second later two baliffs walked over to Mr. Farly and escorted him out of the courtroom.
This reporter met up with him outside.
The National Reporter- What happed Mr. Farl,..I mean Mr. Greenbean?
“The judge said that he wouldn’t allow me to present my case as long as I was being Mr. Greenbean.”
The National Reporter- Well that doesn’t seem fair.
“You’re damned right it isn’t fair.” He said. “There isn’t anything in the constitution that says you can’t wear a costume to court.”
The National Reporter- I believe you are right, Mr. Greenbean. What are you going to do now?
“Well, being that they recognise me as Mr. Greenbean, my next move calls for a different disguise.” He said. “Perhaps I can get their attention wearing my Mr. potatohead costume.
The National Reporter- Good idea, I am sure that will catch their attention.
“Yes,..Mr. Potatoehead,…just what the doctor ordered.” He said.
After that he just sort of floated off and disapeared down the street talking to himself.

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NASA tests young inventors rescue device

This tiny rocket engine can save the lives of astronauts

The National Reporter
An Ohio inventor approached NASA officials two years ago with a device he had invented claiming that it could save the lives of astronauts who found themselves unable to return to their space craft after their tether cord broke.
This nightmarish scenario has been a major worry to NASA since the first astronaut walked in space nearly fifty years ago.
But now thanks to this young inventor, that nightmare may be a thing of the past.
27 year old Wooster Ohio resident George Dewey came up with the ingenious idea of utilizing methane gas produced in the human digestive tract as fuel to power his tiny rocket engine which would propel the astronaut back to his space craft safe and sound.
The National Reporter went to Wooster Ohio to get an exclusive interview with George Dewey.
The National Reporter Congratulations on you invention Mr.Dewey.
“Thank you, I hope it saves someones life someday.”
The National Reporter – Can you tell us exactly how your invention operates in layman’s terms so that we can share it with our readers?
“I would be happy to” He said. “It’s really quite simple. The intake tube is inserted into the astronauts rectum via a small zippered portal in his space suit. Once it is firmly in place, the astronaut presses the green button on the control pad which is located on the back of his glove. This unleashes a capsule into his helmet that he takes orally.”
The National Reporter – What are the ingredients of this capsule?
“The capsule contains concentrated indigestible sugars. Once it has been swallowed it promote the formation of large quantities of intestinal gas within a matter of minutes. The gas that this particular type of sugar produces is naturally rich in highly flammable methane.”
The National Reporter – Yes, I am familiar with this particular gaseous compound. I have seen quite a few young people experimenting with its flammable property’s on internet video sites such as youtube.
“Exactly.” He said. “unfortunately a lot of these young scientists have been careless with their experiments and have needlessly suffered nasty burns and even caused occasional property damage. I urge everyone reading this to take extreme caution when you are conducting experiments with this gas. This can be extremely hazardous and it is nothing to play around with.
Any kind of testing with this gas that involves lighting it should only be conducted by qualified rocket scientists.”

The National Reporter urges all of our readers to take George Deweys advice if you are contemplating any type of experimenting with this gas.

The National Reporter – Once the astronaut takes the capsule and the gas is being produced, what happens next?
“The gas is then transferred through the plastic insertion tube to the compression tank on the side of the engine. While it is being filled, a small LED gauge on the astronauts visor tells him when it ready to fire. He can then rotate himself just like his space crafts retro rockets are able to rotate and position the craft. Once he is in the right position, he simply fires the rocket and it takes him home to his ship.
The National Reporter – That is incredible.
“Not really, it’s just science.” George said.
The National Reporter – How did you feel when you got the call from NASA informing you that they had tested your rocket and that it had performed perfectly?
“I was speechless.” He said. “It was completely unexpected. I presented them with the engine two years ago but they never contacted me.
Then out of the blue I got the phone call and they told me my engine was tested in orbit and that it worked very well. A few hours later they faxed a photograph over to me showing the astronaut using my engine. This has all been quite thrilling for me and my family.”

Astronaut Jim Barns is seen here testing George Deweys methane powered rescue rocket.

The National Reporter too bad we can’t get a photograph of the engine. I am sure our readers would really like to see what it looks like.
“No problem.” George said. “I just happen to have the prototype right here.”
He walked over to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer, he removed the prototype and pulled it up his legs until the rocket engine was positioned directly over his gas port.
“What do you think?” He asked. “Do you think your readers would want one?”
The National Reporter -Only if they are going into outer space,..Ha,ha!
“Ha,ha,..Yeah, probably.” He said.

George Dewey is seen here wearing the prototype of his methane powered rescue rocket.

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Sleazy tabloid plagiarizes story from The National Reporter!

The Global Tabloids Feb. 10, 2010 is out right theft of The National Reporter's Dec. 7th, 2009 article.

The National Reporter

The lowlife sleazy scum who run The Global Tabloid have once again shown their inability and unwillingness to report the truth with the same honesty and integrity as the dedicated men and women at The National Reporter who work tirelessly to bring our readers the truth.
They have plagiarized our exclusive story about the very first authentic photograph taken of legendary Jersey devil that The National Reporter showed to the world on December 7th, 2009. two months prior to The Global Tabloids theft of our story.

Read the original Story here.
The Jersey devil captured on film!

As soon as The Global Tabloid’s rag hit the stands this morning, our readers began swamping our phones with complaints.
Many of them are experienced lawyers who have offered to sue The Global Tabloid for plagiarism on our behalf, but we had to decline their generous offer.
The National Reporter has a legal staff who are experts on plagiarism cases.
What upset us is the fact that so many people are going to buy The Global tabloid and believe that they were the first news service to break the story.
What really made us angry was the bogus images they used which we will examine right now.

In the first photo which was also used on the cover, we see what is supposed to be the Jersey devil standing in front of an old abandoned house in the woods.
This looks nothing at all like the real Jersey devil, which of course can be proven very easily by comparing it to the genuine photograph taken by Dave Morrison.
Anyone can see that this is an actor wearing a pair of phony bat wings.

Cover photo. Anyone can see that this is obviously an actor.

In the second photograph we see the same actor standing behind a fence in a menacing stance.
This is the photograph that necessitated the disclaimer on the front page warning the readers that it was so frightening that viewing it can make them to throw up.

According to the Global Tabloid's warning, this image is so scary that it can make you throw up.

After close examination of these photographs The National Reporter has concluded without a shadow of a doubt that they are not the Jersey devil, they are fake.
With that in mind, the public has to come to the realisation that there are unscrupulous news agencys out there who will lie, plagiarize and fabricate ridiculous storys for their own selfish reasons.
They don’t care if their storys cause the public to panic, that is not their concern.
Their only concern is how much money they can squeeze out of John Q. Public.
And it isn’t just the seedy news reporters who make this junk up, there are also the every day ordinary people who get involved with them to make money as well.
We decided to track down the actor who played the Jersey devil for The Global Tabloid to find out who he is and why he sold out to that sleeze rag.
It didn’t take us very long thanks to The National Reporters face identification machine.
We scanned the face of the actor in the fake Jersey devil images and within a few minutes the owner of said face was identified.
It was none other than former Happy days star, Henry Winkler.
According to people who know him, this is just the sort of thing that he would do.
Apparently he thought lying to millions of people and helping a sleazy paper like the Global Tabloid would be a fun way to spend his weekend.

Aaaaaayyyy,... the fonz had fun making a few bucks fooling all you idiots who read The Global Tabloid!

And now to show our readers what real reporting is all about, we have for you an exclusive photograph taken by an army private stationed at Fort Dix NJ, which is located inside the pine barrens.
There are only two genuine photographs of the Jersey devil in existance and The National Reporter has been given exclusive rights to both of them.
Don’t fall for any sleazy tabloid who says they have photographs of the Jersey devil.

Photograph of the Jersey devil hiding in the ruins of an old house inside of the pine barrens. This photograph was taken by an Army private from nearby Fort Dix who wishes to remain anonymous.

Fort Dix Army private who took the photograph seen here stealing a television set from recreation hall. His face has been blacked out to protect his identity.

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Miller beer; “We will be the first company to carve our logo on the moon!”

Miller brewery's plan to deface the moon with their company logo has millions hopping mad

 

The National Reporter 

Miller brewery announced this week that they were going ahead on their plan to be the first company in history to place their logo on the surface of the moon.
The construction of the logo is expected to begin early this summer as soon as the construction crew has been adequately trained to perform the task.
The logo’s designers have informed The National Reporter that once completed, the Miller logo will be seventy one miles high and one hundred and thirty eight wiles wide.
The logo will be easy to view with the naked eye.
When The National Reporter asked the head of Millers moon operation who would be manning the ship, we were met with a surprise answer.
Instead of trained astronauts as one would expect, they told us that the ship would manned by the same people they employ in their brewery. 

Miller brewery's rocket Suds 1 sitting on it's launch pad behind the brewery.

 

The National Reporter - Are you telling us that the people you put in charge of this mission are going to be ordinary civilians with no training in space flight?
“That’s right.” Miller president Norman Adami said. “We are going to round up the exactly same type of people that we employ in our brewerys and after a brief training period we will be sending them to the moon to work on the most ambitious construction project in the history of mankind.”
The National Reporter – Isn’t that just a tad risky?
“What do you mean?”
The National Reporter - Well, the whole idea of sending unqualified people on a space mission sounds like a recipe for disaster.
“Once they are fully trained they will be qualified.” President Adami said. “Besides, they are all volunteers who know exactly what they are getting into. We asked them if they wanted to have steady work for the next year and they all said they did.” 

Volunteers for Miller brewerys moon mission gathered at a secret location in the Arizona desert.

 

The volunteers began their training behind Millers warehouses and The National Reporter was there.
Company spokesman Earl Sandwich took us on a tour of the training facility.
What we saw was quite impressive considering Miller brewery was a brewery and not a company involved with space travel or the manufacture of space ships.
They had managed to assemble an array of training equipment, most of which was makeshift, what most people would refer to as Mickey Mouse set ups.
While the quality of the training equipment wasn’t exactly on par with the million dollar equipment used by NASA, it worked very well.
Perhaps Miller beer could teach the big spenders over at NASA a thing or two about astro-economics. 

Three Miller beer astronauts training in the G force simulator.

 

Within a month after Miller finalized their plan to go to the moon to carve their company logo into it’s surface, they had nearly finished “Suds 1″, the first commercially built space ship that will go to the moon.
“Suds 1 is quite a remarkable feat of engineering.” Miller rocket scientist Jack Weber told us. “We bought a Gemini fuselage from Nasa for a few hundred dollars and installed some old Nike missile rockets engines on it. After that we set up some very simple controls that basically operate on human power.”
The National Reporter - Human power?
“Yes,..it is really very simple.” He explained. ” If you want the ship to go left, everyone on board leans left. If you want it to go right, everyone leans right. It’s that simple.”
The National Reporter – How do they know which way to lean?
“The captain tells them which way to lean. He has a window and can see where they are heading at all times. If they are heading in the wrong direction, all he has to do is shout out which way to lean and the ship will go in that direction.”
The National Reporter – He shouts it? Why does he have to shout which way to go?
“Well, because of all the corners we had to cut. This is a very expensive mission, so we did away with anything that was unneccessary, like the PA system.”
The National Reporter - I see, so the captain just shouts out commands to the crew.
“That’s right.” 

After we were given the tour of Millers space training facility we were taken to the launch pad behind warehouse # 8 to see the crew rehearse for their mission.
Most of them seemed a little confused about what they were doing, but the training technicians assured us that this was completely normal. 

The crew of Suds 1 entering the ship to rehearse for next summers mission to the moon.

 

What we saw when we entered the ship behind the crew was really amazing.
The ship was completely stripped down to the bare essentials to reduce the weight and also to create more space so that they could transport as many astronauts as possible.
This meant that there were no facility’s to dispose of bodily waste.
Since the trip would only take six days it was deemed unneccessary by mission control.
The astronauts were training themselves to hold it in for long periods of time and they would not be eating or drinking much on the trip anyway because the food pantrys and rest room facilitys were removed to make space for more astronauts.
We climbed into the ship behind the crew and began photographing the interior of the ship as the crew took up their stations.
As soon as the door closed behind us their training simulation began.
We could hear technicians out side making loud noises and rocking the ship around on it’s launch platform to simulate take off.
It was very exciting. 

Top: Command team at the controls.Bottom:Labor crew waiting for the lean command.

 

unfortunately for Miller brewery, their moon mission is being frowned upon by the rest of the world, especially the astronomers union.
“This is an outrage!” Ken Baun , Meade telescope’s Senior Vice President of Engineering said. “The moon belongs to all of humanity, who the hell do they think they are going up there to vandalize it with their company logo?”
Mr. Baun is not alone with his anger.
The entire scientific community is up in arms threatening to enact a worldwide boycott against Miller beer and all of its subsidiaries.
“If they think they can get away with this, they better think again!” Famed astronomer and author David Levy said. “What are they going to do next, paint their brand name on the Mona Lisa?” 

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