Exclusive National Reporter Exposé. Giant skeleton is a fraud!

Huge skeleton uncovered in Northern India is a fake.

The National Reporter
In 2007 a story circulated the internet claiming that a massive skeleton was unearthed in northern India.
Kedar, a writer for the The Eastern Horizon first exposed this shameful hoax when it began circulating the internet.
Being that The National Reporter is always looking for the truth and determined to expose false reporting, we were also sceptical of the story and decided after three years to get the whole story behind this hoax.
What we discovered came as no surprise to us and we are certain it will be no surprise to our readers.
The giant skeleton is a fake, it is made out of wood.
We uncovered the truth about the giant skeleton and the motive behind its creation within hours after we arrived in northern India.

It all began in early 2006 when the Brahma lumber mill burned to the ground.
The business was not insured, so the owner Artimus Punjab had to come up with some quick cash to rebuild his company.
He was told by a shady local character known as “Bunti, the slimey one” that the tabloids are always looking for ridiculously fake storys to sell to their readers who they consider stupid and retarded.
Artimus then arranged a meeting with “Ungus Frungus, a notorious liar from the nearby village and together they forged the story about finding a giant human skeleton.
All they had to do was manufacture the skeleton, plant it in the ground and then pretend that it had been discovered in an archeological excavation after which they would sell the story and photographs to the shady tabloids and make thousands of dollars.

Brahma lumber mill going up in flames in 2006

Artimus and Ungus went to work on the giant skeleton in what remained of the Brahma lumber mill.
After a full month of tireless carving and cutting, they had finished the skeleton and were ready to sneak it across the country side to a pre-determined location.
Once their giant wooden skeleton was in place, they contacted the shady tabloids and cut a lucrative deal with them to defraud the public with their bogus story.

Artimus Punjab and Ungus Frungus are seen here fashioning a leg bone for the giant skeleton in the ruins of the Brahma lumber mill.

The completed skeleton prior to being taken to the fake archeological dig.

Artimus Punjab is seen here (center; standing on lumber wearing the hat) with his gang of co-conspirators in the process of placing the fake wooden skeleton in the hole.

Artimus and Ungus met with the tabloid’s head fake story scout Slick Weasleman in a dark bar that is located in Bombay’s seedy underbelly, a bar where no decent person would dare to venture.
It was here that they were introduced to the evil side of news reporting that only the tabloids could manifest with their twisted and warped sense of reporting where lies are sold as the truth and reporting the news has been reduced to scamming the public with filthy lies just to make a quick buck.
Slick Weasleman liked the story that the two liars had conjured up.
“He,he,..this is just the kind of crap that the stupid retards who read our garbage tabloids love to eat up.” He cackled. His beady eyes darted about the sleazy bar as he chomped on his cheap cigar.
Everything about him was despicable.
His cheap suit, his cheap cigars. Even his cheap after shave smelled sneaky and underhanded.
There can be no doubt that Slick Weasleman was a scoundrel through and through and it was his foul demeanor that landed him his job at the tabloids.

Slick Weasleman, the sneaky con artist from the tabloids who helped Artimus and Ungus lie to the world.

Once the deal was made, Slick Weasleman transferred ten thousand dollars to Artimus for his story and the lie began circulating across the globe within days.
Millions of people believed the story as it made it’s rounds through the internet, that is until it came to the attention of intelligent people such as Kedar of the Eastern Horizon who first came to the realisation that the story was a hoax.
When the hoax was discovered and proven, Artimus and Ungus disappeared into the woods and haven’t been heard from since.
The Indian government has confiscated the dirty money they got from the tabloids and have threatened to sue them for aiding in the lie.
“Who,.. us?” A tabloid president said. “We ain’t got nothing to do with it, see. Go on, try and pin it on us. I dare ya, see. Yeah,.. go ahead, you got nothing on us.”
The tabloids had no further comment.

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Katie Couric’s bombshell confession; “I had explosive Diarrhea on national television.”

The National Reporter
During an exclusive interview with The National Reporter , television news reporter Katie Couric recalled her most embarrassing moment in front of the television cameras.
“It was about five years ago.” She said. “I was doing a special show on the dangers of drug abuse when all of a sudden I felt nauseous and there was a sudden surge of pressure in my stomach.”
The National Reporter – Oh dear,..what did you do?
“I knew I was in trouble, I could feel myself getting very ill and I was going into a cold sweat. The pain in my stomach was beginning to overwhelm me, I felt like I was going to pass out at any second.” She said. “Then just as I felt like I was going to hit the floor, A gush of steaming hot liquid filled the seat of my pants and trickled down my leg. I was already in a panic attack when the awful stench rose up from my chair and stabbed into my nostrils, I almost threw up when I smelled it. It was awful.”

Instantly the seat of my pants filled with vile hot fluid, it was the worst day of my life.

The National Reporter – What did you do,..did you try to conceal it?
“The person interviewing me knew I had just soiled myself and so did the camera man. He zoomed in on my face just in the nick of time. The diarrhea began soaking through the fabric of my pants suit and it became quite visible. It was the most embarrassing moment in my entire life.” She said. “And to make matters worse, I was still struggling to keep myself from passing out cold which made it very difficult to speak while keeping a smile on my face.”
The National Reporter – It must have been quite an ordeal for you, but at least you were able to finish your interview without the viewing audience being aware of what had just happened.
“Yes, I am glad I was able to hold myself together. It would have been devestating to my career if I had passed out and fell out of my chair with my soiled rump staring up at the television cameras.”
The National Reporter – What happened after the interview?
“I got up and left as fast as I could, I was so embarrassed.” She said.

Run Katie,..run!

“I ran outside to hail a cab, it was pouring rain outside. I was hoping that a car would speed by and soak me with a big splash of water, but It didnt;t happen. I stood there for ten minutes trying to hide my face so that no one would know who I was. I could hear people behind me whispering the word diarrhea and snickering. I was humilated beyond belief and I will never forget that day as long as I live.”

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Wisconsin man demands his right to be a cow

Trans-species human Dwight Haskel enjoying the company of his fellow cows in Dooleys pasture.

The National Reporter
22-year-old Wisconsin resident Dwight Haskel has been standing his ground against local lawmakers in defiance to their recent ruling regarding his trans-species rights case.
“Don’t care if he dresses up like a cow,  don’t care if he acts like a cow and don’t care if he thinks he is a cow,  he’s not a damned cow and that is all there is too it, damn it all!”  district court judge Thomas Wallace said.  “Dwight Haskel’s lawyers have wasted enough of this courts time,  he’s off his nut and he should be carted away to the rubber room!”
Dwight Haskel’s legal battle began last summer when Fitchburg police were called to investigate a trespassing complaint at Thomas Dooley’s farm.
When they arrived they were directed to the pasture where they found Dwight Haskel dressed in a cow costume grazing next to some of Mr. Dooleys cows.
When they approached the man, he ran off.
They chased him for quite a distance until they caught him.
“When we tackled him to the ground he started mooing and kicking his feet just like a cow in the rodeo when they get tied up by the cowboys.” Officer Shanks told us.
After he was arrested, Dwight called the ACLU and they agreed to help him with his trans-species rights case.
The ACLU have won Dwight the right to graze with the other cows on Dooleys farm until a final judgment is made in his case, which naturally has Thomas Dooley hopping mad.

Dairy farm owner Thomas Dooley is livid over the ACLU's interference in the case which has permitted Dwight Haskel to continue his charade.

“This is ridiculous!” Mr. Dooley said. “The guy is a nut case and he is scaring my live stock.  I should get out my shot gun and fill his rump with a load of buck shot!”
The National Reporter – How has his presence affected your cows?
“Every morning when that nut job shows up they get all edgy and nervous like they are afraid of him for some reason.”
The National Reporter – What could he be doing that is making them nervous?
“That’s what I was wondering.” Mr. Dooley said. “I wanted to find out what was going on, so I hid in a stack of hay bails with my Polaroid camera ready.”
The National Reporter – Did you photograph him doing anything to the cows?
“I sure did and I got the picture right here.” He said, holding up a Polaroid photograph.
“The National Reporter  can have this picture, I got plenty of copies ready for court.” he said.
When this reporter looked at the image I can honestly say I was not surprised at all that Dwights desire to be a cow may be sexual in nature.

Caught in the act! Dwights desire to be a cow may not exactly be in the interest of a trans-species transformation. His real reasons may be sexual in nature.

“Now to make matters worse, I have another problem.” Mr. Dooley said.
The National Reporter – And what is that, Mr. Dooley?
“Right after the ACLU took the nut job’s case,  a group of hippys showed up to support him.”  He said.  “And they are just as crazy as he is, damned foul smelling pot smoking punks.  They’re not here today, they usually come during the middle of the week when the rest of the world is working. You come back tomorrow and you will get to meet our charming future leaders.”
The following day The National Reporter  returned to Dooleys farm to witness what Mr. Dooley had described as a ‘coven of kooks.’
As soon as I pulled into the driveway in  The National Reporter  Hum vee, I was greeted with a barrage of monotone chanting coming from several young people who apparently had not seen any soap or the inside of a shower stall in quite some time.
The body odor rising off of these grimey unshaven people was horrendous and they all seemed to be under the influence of some kind of drug, most likely marijuana roofers.
I walked right past them ignoring them the best I could to see why there was a crowd of young men from town crowded around a small enclosure.
I soon found out why.
A group of bare chested young women were demonstrating for trans-species rights and Dwight Haskel was doing his cow thing with some cows right behind them.
A short while later a local news crew arrived and began video taping the trashy show for their evening news.
Later in the afternoon more news crews began arriving to do the same.

As I watched the media circus swell, I started to see what a farce the whole thing really was and began putting the pieces together.
Dwight Haskel was obviously caught acting out some sort of bizarre sexual fetish where he dresses up like a cow and has his way with Ol’ Bessy.
This whole trans-species thing was just a smoke screen to fool the police and cover up his real motive for being in the pasture dressed like a cow when he was arrested.
He wasn’t fooling The National Reporter  because we have a knack for spotting phoney storys.
That is why The National Reporter prides itself on reporting the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Bare chested protestors arrived at the farm right after the ACLU took the case.

To date, Dwight Haskel has not been granted his right to be a cow and the battle continues between the ACLU and the district court.
In the meantime, the protestors have been arrving by the bus load and Mr. Dooleys farm is begining to look like a hippy festival.
“I just want this crap to be over with.” He sighed.

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Encrypted monument carbon dated at 65 million years old unearthed in Belize.

Bizarre monument was unearthed 75 miles west of Belize city.

The National Reporter
A team of archeologists searching for remnants of the meteor that struck the Earth 65 million years ago that is theorised to be responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs, uncovered a bizarre granite monument last week 75 miles west of Belize city.
The huge stone monument, which is made of a type of granite that is not indigenous to South America, has symbols engraved on it that has left scientists completely baffled.
High resolution photographs of the strange markings have been sent to several linguistic labs around the world in the hope that someone might be able to decipher them. 

Archeologists examining the 65 million year old stone monument that they had unearthed.

“What we have found is very strange.” Said Professor Williams of Caltech. “Aside from the strange markings, the stone monument is right on top of the K-T boundary which would indicate that it was placed here immediately after the meteor struck the Earth.”
The National Reporter – So, what you are saying is that there may have been humans around at the time?
“What I am saying is that there was some sort of intelligent beings around who survived the meteor strike, this monument is proof of it. ” he said. “Whether or not they were human is the puzzling part of this since the human race didn’t come into existence until millions of years after the event.”
The National Reporter – What about an alien life form?
“There is that possibility, it would be foolish to rule it out.” He said. “When we decode the markings we should have a better idea who placed this here and what it means.”
The National Reporter was personally invited to go down into the dig by the team to get exclusive photographs of the monument and the strange writing. 

Close up view of the monuments strange markings

“We trust the The National Reporter for your integrity and for reporting the real story, unlike the tabloids who make things up.” Team member Sally Wostan said. “If they ever got a hold of this story before The National Reporter had a chance to inform the public with the truth, heaven only knows what sort of silliness they would fill their heads with.”
The National Reporter has been granted exclusive rights by the team to report any developments in the mystery surrounding this strange find and we will keep our readers updated on all these findings as they unfold. 
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Apollo 14’s stowaway turtle; dead at age 41

Moonie, the first turtle on the moon.

The National Reporter
Moonie the box turtle who became an over night celebrity in february 1971 when he was discovered hiding aboard the Apollo 14 lunar lander, passed away yesterday at the San Antonio zoo.
He was 41.
Moonie became an international phenomenom in 1971 when he was discovered hiding inside the lunar landers food compartment.

Commander Alan Shepard is seen here playing with Moonie in the weightless lunar lander.

The famous image of Moonie floating in front of Alan Shepard became an over night boom to tee shirt manufacturors world wide and pet stores couldn’t keep up with the demand for box turtles.
Toy companys rushed in to cash in on “Turtlemania” with items such as Mr. Turtle pool.
In 1987 three people were arrested when they tried to kidnap Moonie.
Police found a ransome note on one of the suspects where they were going to demand one million dollars for his return.
All three suspects were convicted of attempted extortion and served eight years in federal prison.

Child enjoying her Mister Turtle pool in this 1971 television ad.

The staff at the San Antonio zoo were deeply sadened by the loss of their long time friend.
“I can’t believe Moonie is gone.” Sniffed a teary eyed Thelma Tinkerton. “He has been a part of this zoo ever since I was a little girl. I still remember my folks bringing me here to see him right after he came back from the moon. I remember the long lines of excited people waiting to see the first turtle on the moon. He was the main reason why I applied for a job here at the zoo.”

Even though Moonie’s unplanned trip to the moon four decades ago is a forgotten piece of history today, Moonie will live on in the hearts of the people who remember his famous trip.
He will be buried in the zoo’s animal cemetary along side of other notable denizens of the wild kingdom underneith a granite stone with a bronze plaque thanks to funds from NASA and the good people of San Antonio.
God speed Moonie, we will miss you.

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Shocking Kennedy secret revealed; the tale of Ted’s tail.

The National Reporter
A secret that has been kept from the public for over 77 years has been exposed by a close confidant of the Kennedy clan.
The whistle blower, (who wishes to remain anonymous) has supplied The National Reporter with shocking unretouched photographs of Ted Kennedy taken at various times during his life.
What these photographs reveal has never been seen by anyone outside of the Kennedys tightly guarded political circle, until now.
As you can plainly see in these following unretouched photographs of Edward Kennedy, he had a condition known as Sacrococcygeal teratoma.
In laymans terms,..Ted Kennedy had a tail.

In this unretouched photograph, you can see Ted's tail protruding from under his suit in plain sight of the people behind him.

Photograph of Ted's tail in plain sight before being removed from the photograph with a computer imaging program.

This unflattering photo of the late senator was never shown until his tail was air brushed out of the image.

© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.