Get out of the way, here comes the insult bus!
The insult bus making its rounds through New Yorks citys famous SoHo section
The National Reporter
While sitting at a traffic light a year ago listening to people yelling at each other, 43 year old Martin Fromwell came up with an idea that would rake in thousands of dollars.
“Why not cash in on peoples hatred for each other?” He thought to himself.
Martin went to work right away working on his project and a year later he launched the insult bus.
The insult bus is a a bus where paying customers can yell insults, swear words and make obscene hand gestures at pedestrians walking along the streets.
“It’s a great way to vent off your frustrations or just have fun insulting total strangers.” Mr. Fromwell explained. “And it’s completely safe. No one can get on the bus once the doors and windows are locked and the bus has an open top deck that is twelve feet above the ground so people can scream at their victims below in complete safety.”
Mary Johnson (standing at the left in the blue shirt) with a group of passengers preparing to enjoy a trip down 42nd on the insult bus.
The National Reporter was invited to take a trip on the insult bus and interview some of the passengers to find out why this has become such a phenomenal success.
First up we interviewed Mary Johnson who is a regular insult bus passenger.
The National Reporter - What makes you want to scream at total strangers an make fun of them?
“I like it because it’s a perfect way to get all of my frustrations out,..hold on a moment.”
A second later, Mary had her head out the window screaming at an obese gentleman on the sidewalk.
“Hey you big fat smelly lard ass, you’re cracking the sidewalk. Why don’t you just float to where you’re going, ya big fat ****ing blimp!”
“Yeah,..you fat piece of crap. Get off the sidewalk and make room for the normal sized people like that ugly bald headed bastard behind you!” A passenger yelled from up top.
Some of the passengers were leaning out the windows giving the finger to pedestrians and screaming insults at them at the top of their lungs.
The passengers where shouting some of the most obscene degrading things at passer by that this reporter has ever heard.
No one was safe from their onslaught as the insult bus made it’s way down crowded 42nd street.
They hurled every racial epithet imaginable, they even insulted handicapped children in wheelchairs and crutches who where getting some fresh air in front of the children’s hospital.
After the bus had passed the crippled children and the yelling and laughing died down a little, I continued my interview with Ms. Johnson.
The National Reporter – Do you ever worry that the people you insult might recognize you on the street or follow the bus back to the terminal to get even with you?
“No, not really.” She said. “Why should I worry about that? This is fun and thinking about stuff like that just ruins it.”
“Hey douchebag!” A man next to me yelled loudly. “You got a big nose, you fat ugly retarded looking faggot!”
The man he was yelling at glared back angrily and gave him the middle finger.
The victims are helpless and can do little more than make a feeble attempt at returning the insults.
As the insult bus made its rounds up and down 42nd street leaving a hundreds of very angry people in it’s wake, I walked up stairs to the open upper deck to speak with the top riders.
“Hey string bean!” A woman in red yelled. “Watch out you don’t get stuck in a crack, ya boney assed piece of crap!”
Her two young children were sitting next to her giving everyone on the street the middle finger.
The National Reporter – Excuse me madam, do you think it is alright to let your children make such obscene gestures to total strangers like That?
“Yeah sure,..why not?” She said.
The National Reporter – Don’t you think it would be better if you taught them to respect people?
“What the hell are you talking about?”
The National Reporter – Children should be raised to respect people, not insult and ridicule them.
“Hey ma,..look at the big fat ass on this broad coming up!” her six year old son yelled out excitedly.
She spun around and laughed when she saw the portly woman down below.
An instant later the street echoed with insults containing the words, “fat ass and lard ass” bellowing from the mouths of every passenger on the bus both top and bottom.
“Hey lard ass, can I park my Harley between those ****ing beach balloons!?”
“Walk backwards big ass, I want to hear your back up alarm!”
“I’ll bet your farts sound like a ****ing air horn!”
The poor woman was humilated.
She looked like she was going to cry, her face was bright red and she refused to look at her tormenters.
“I’ll bet it takes you 24 hours to spin that big ass ass around just once!”
“Look how big her ****ing ass is! HA,HA,HA!” Mary Johnson yelled out.
As they were yelling insults at the poor woman, a man with thick eye glasses exited a store in front of her.
“Hey, look out four eyes!” the womans six year old daughter yelled out. “You’re gonna get sucked into that ladys giant ass because of her gravity!”
“Yeah Poindexter,..watch out for her fat ass!” Her mother added.
And that was the way it went for the rest of the trip.
The passengers were yelling obscene degrading insults at complete strangers on the streets of new york city sometimes right in front of the police, who by the way did nothing about it.
If anyone is interested in taking a trip on the insult bus you can buy tickets at the terminal located at 54 38th street in NYC.
Tickets are $50 for adults and $25 dollars for children.
The insult bus operates weekdays and Saturdays from 8:00am to 6:00pm.
Please do not toss objects from the bus while it is in motion.
© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Miller beer; “We will be the first company to carve our logo on the moon!”
Miller brewery's plan to deface the moon with their company logo has millions hopping mad
The National Reporter
Miller brewery announced this week that they were going ahead on their plan to be the first company in history to place their logo on the surface of the moon.
The construction of the logo is expected to begin early this summer as soon as the construction crew has been adequately trained to perform the task.
The logo’s designers have informed The National Reporter that once completed, the Miller logo will be seventy one miles high and one hundred and thirty eight wiles wide.
The logo will be easy to view with the naked eye.
When The National Reporter asked the head of Millers moon operation who would be manning the ship, we were met with a surprise answer.
Instead of trained astronauts as one would expect, they told us that the ship would manned by the same people they employ in their brewery.
Miller brewery's rocket Suds 1 sitting on it's launch pad behind the brewery.
The National Reporter - Are you telling us that the people you put in charge of this mission are going to be ordinary civilians with no training in space flight?
“That’s right.” Miller president Norman Adami said. “We are going to round up the exactly same type of people that we employ in our brewerys and after a brief training period we will be sending them to the moon to work on the most ambitious construction project in the history of mankind.”
The National Reporter – Isn’t that just a tad risky?
“What do you mean?”
The National Reporter - Well, the whole idea of sending unqualified people on a space mission sounds like a recipe for disaster.
“Once they are fully trained they will be qualified.” President Adami said. “Besides, they are all volunteers who know exactly what they are getting into. We asked them if they wanted to have steady work for the next year and they all said they did.”
Volunteers for Miller brewerys moon mission gathered at a secret location in the Arizona desert.
The volunteers began their training behind Millers warehouses and The National Reporter was there.
Company spokesman Earl Sandwich took us on a tour of the training facility.
What we saw was quite impressive considering Miller brewery was a brewery and not a company involved with space travel or the manufacture of space ships.
They had managed to assemble an array of training equipment, most of which was makeshift, what most people would refer to as Mickey Mouse set ups.
While the quality of the training equipment wasn’t exactly on par with the million dollar equipment used by NASA, it worked very well.
Perhaps Miller beer could teach the big spenders over at NASA a thing or two about astro-economics.
Three Miller beer astronauts training in the G force simulator.
Within a month after Miller finalized their plan to go to the moon to carve their company logo into it’s surface, they had nearly finished “Suds 1″, the first commercially built space ship that will go to the moon.
“Suds 1 is quite a remarkable feat of engineering.” Miller rocket scientist Jack Weber told us. “We bought a Gemini fuselage from Nasa for a few hundred dollars and installed some old Nike missile rockets engines on it. After that we set up some very simple controls that basically operate on human power.”
The National Reporter - Human power?
“Yes,..it is really very simple.” He explained. ” If you want the ship to go left, everyone on board leans left. If you want it to go right, everyone leans right. It’s that simple.”
The National Reporter – How do they know which way to lean?
“The captain tells them which way to lean. He has a window and can see where they are heading at all times. If they are heading in the wrong direction, all he has to do is shout out which way to lean and the ship will go in that direction.”
The National Reporter – He shouts it? Why does he have to shout which way to go?
“Well, because of all the corners we had to cut. This is a very expensive mission, so we did away with anything that was unneccessary, like the PA system.”
The National Reporter - I see, so the captain just shouts out commands to the crew.
“That’s right.”
After we were given the tour of Millers space training facility we were taken to the launch pad behind warehouse # 8 to see the crew rehearse for their mission.
Most of them seemed a little confused about what they were doing, but the training technicians assured us that this was completely normal.
The crew of Suds 1 entering the ship to rehearse for next summers mission to the moon.
What we saw when we entered the ship behind the crew was really amazing.
The ship was completely stripped down to the bare essentials to reduce the weight and also to create more space so that they could transport as many astronauts as possible.
This meant that there were no facility’s to dispose of bodily waste.
Since the trip would only take six days it was deemed unneccessary by mission control.
The astronauts were training themselves to hold it in for long periods of time and they would not be eating or drinking much on the trip anyway because the food pantrys and rest room facilitys were removed to make space for more astronauts.
We climbed into the ship behind the crew and began photographing the interior of the ship as the crew took up their stations.
As soon as the door closed behind us their training simulation began.
We could hear technicians out side making loud noises and rocking the ship around on it’s launch platform to simulate take off.
It was very exciting.
Top: Command team at the controls.Bottom:Labor crew waiting for the lean command.
unfortunately for Miller brewery, their moon mission is being frowned upon by the rest of the world, especially the astronomers union.
“This is an outrage!” Ken Baun , Meade telescope’s Senior Vice President of Engineering said. “The moon belongs to all of humanity, who the hell do they think they are going up there to vandalize it with their company logo?”
Mr. Baun is not alone with his anger.
The entire scientific community is up in arms threatening to enact a worldwide boycott against Miller beer and all of its subsidiaries.
“If they think they can get away with this, they better think again!” Famed astronomer and author David Levy said. “What are they going to do next, paint their brand name on the Mona Lisa?”
© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Exclusive National Reporter Exposé. Giant skeleton is a fraud!
Huge skeleton uncovered in Northern India is a fake.
The National Reporter
In 2007 a story circulated the internet claiming that a massive skeleton was unearthed in northern India.
Kedar, a writer for the The Eastern Horizon first exposed this shameful hoax when it began circulating the internet.
Being that The National Reporter is always looking for the truth and determined to expose false reporting, we were also sceptical of the story and decided after three years to get the whole story behind this hoax.
What we discovered came as no surprise to us and we are certain it will be no surprise to our readers.
The giant skeleton is a fake, it is made out of wood.
We uncovered the truth about the giant skeleton and the motive behind its creation within hours after we arrived in northern India.
It all began in early 2006 when the Brahma lumber mill burned to the ground.
The business was not insured, so the owner Artimus Punjab had to come up with some quick cash to rebuild his company.
He was told by a shady local character known as “Bunti, the slimey one” that the tabloids are always looking for ridiculously fake storys to sell to their readers who they consider stupid and retarded.
Artimus then arranged a meeting with “Ungus Frungus, a notorious liar from the nearby village and together they forged the story about finding a giant human skeleton.
All they had to do was manufacture the skeleton, plant it in the ground and then pretend that it had been discovered in an archeological excavation after which they would sell the story and photographs to the shady tabloids and make thousands of dollars.
Brahma lumber mill going up in flames in 2006
Artimus and Ungus went to work on the giant skeleton in what remained of the Brahma lumber mill.
After a full month of tireless carving and cutting, they had finished the skeleton and were ready to sneak it across the country side to a pre-determined location.
Once their giant wooden skeleton was in place, they contacted the shady tabloids and cut a lucrative deal with them to defraud the public with their bogus story.
Artimus Punjab and Ungus Frungus are seen here fashioning a leg bone for the giant skeleton in the ruins of the Brahma lumber mill.
The completed skeleton prior to being taken to the fake archeological dig.
Artimus Punjab is seen here (center; standing on lumber wearing the hat) with his gang of co-conspirators in the process of placing the fake wooden skeleton in the hole.
Artimus and Ungus met with the tabloid’s head fake story scout Slick Weasleman in a dark bar that is located in Bombay’s seedy underbelly, a bar where no decent person would dare to venture.
It was here that they were introduced to the evil side of news reporting that only the tabloids could manifest with their twisted and warped sense of reporting where lies are sold as the truth and reporting the news has been reduced to scamming the public with filthy lies just to make a quick buck.
Slick Weasleman liked the story that the two liars had conjured up.
“He,he,..this is just the kind of crap that the stupid retards who read our garbage tabloids love to eat up.” He cackled. His beady eyes darted about the sleazy bar as he chomped on his cheap cigar.
Everything about him was despicable.
His cheap suit, his cheap cigars. Even his cheap after shave smelled sneaky and underhanded.
There can be no doubt that Slick Weasleman was a scoundrel through and through and it was his foul demeanor that landed him his job at the tabloids.
Slick Weasleman, the sneaky con artist from the tabloids who helped Artimus and Ungus lie to the world.
Once the deal was made, Slick Weasleman transferred ten thousand dollars to Artimus for his story and the lie began circulating across the globe within days.
Millions of people believed the story as it made it’s rounds through the internet, that is until it came to the attention of intelligent people such as Kedar of the Eastern Horizon who first came to the realisation that the story was a hoax.
When the hoax was discovered and proven, Artimus and Ungus disappeared into the woods and haven’t been heard from since.
The Indian government has confiscated the dirty money they got from the tabloids and have threatened to sue them for aiding in the lie.
“Who,.. us?” A tabloid president said. “We ain’t got nothing to do with it, see. Go on, try and pin it on us. I dare ya, see. Yeah,.. go ahead, you got nothing on us.”
The tabloids had no further comment.
© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Katie Couric’s bombshell confession; “I had explosive Diarrhea on national television.”
The National Reporter
During an exclusive interview with The National Reporter , television news reporter Katie Couric recalled her most embarrassing moment in front of the television cameras.
“It was about five years ago.” She said. “I was doing a special show on the dangers of drug abuse when all of a sudden I felt nauseous and there was a sudden surge of pressure in my stomach.”
The National Reporter – Oh dear,..what did you do?
“I knew I was in trouble, I could feel myself getting very ill and I was going into a cold sweat. The pain in my stomach was beginning to overwhelm me, I felt like I was going to pass out at any second.” She said. “Then just as I felt like I was going to hit the floor, A gush of steaming hot liquid filled the seat of my pants and trickled down my leg. I was already in a panic attack when the awful stench rose up from my chair and stabbed into my nostrils, I almost threw up when I smelled it. It was awful.”
Instantly the seat of my pants filled with vile hot fluid, it was the worst day of my life.
The National Reporter – What did you do,..did you try to conceal it?
“The person interviewing me knew I had just soiled myself and so did the camera man. He zoomed in on my face just in the nick of time. The diarrhea began soaking through the fabric of my pants suit and it became quite visible. It was the most embarrassing moment in my entire life.” She said. “And to make matters worse, I was still struggling to keep myself from passing out cold which made it very difficult to speak while keeping a smile on my face.”
The National Reporter – It must have been quite an ordeal for you, but at least you were able to finish your interview without the viewing audience being aware of what had just happened.
“Yes, I am glad I was able to hold myself together. It would have been devestating to my career if I had passed out and fell out of my chair with my soiled rump staring up at the television cameras.”
The National Reporter – What happened after the interview?
“I got up and left as fast as I could, I was so embarrassed.” She said.
Run Katie,..run!
“I ran outside to hail a cab, it was pouring rain outside. I was hoping that a car would speed by and soak me with a big splash of water, but It didnt;t happen. I stood there for ten minutes trying to hide my face so that no one would know who I was. I could hear people behind me whispering the word diarrhea and snickering. I was humilated beyond belief and I will never forget that day as long as I live.”
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© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Wisconsin man demands his right to be a cow
Trans-species human Dwight Haskel enjoying the company of his fellow cows in Dooleys pasture.
The National Reporter
22-year-old Wisconsin resident Dwight Haskel has been standing his ground against local lawmakers in defiance to their recent ruling regarding his trans-species rights case.
“Don’t care if he dresses up like a cow, don’t care if he acts like a cow and don’t care if he thinks he is a cow, he’s not a damned cow and that is all there is too it, damn it all!” district court judge Thomas Wallace said. “Dwight Haskel’s lawyers have wasted enough of this courts time, he’s off his nut and he should be carted away to the rubber room!”
Dwight Haskel’s legal battle began last summer when Fitchburg police were called to investigate a trespassing complaint at Thomas Dooley’s farm.
When they arrived they were directed to the pasture where they found Dwight Haskel dressed in a cow costume grazing next to some of Mr. Dooleys cows.
When they approached the man, he ran off.
They chased him for quite a distance until they caught him.
“When we tackled him to the ground he started mooing and kicking his feet just like a cow in the rodeo when they get tied up by the cowboys.” Officer Shanks told us.
After he was arrested, Dwight called the ACLU and they agreed to help him with his trans-species rights case.
The ACLU have won Dwight the right to graze with the other cows on Dooleys farm until a final judgment is made in his case, which naturally has Thomas Dooley hopping mad.
Dairy farm owner Thomas Dooley is livid over the ACLU's interference in the case which has permitted Dwight Haskel to continue his charade.
“This is ridiculous!” Mr. Dooley said. “The guy is a nut case and he is scaring my live stock. I should get out my shot gun and fill his rump with a load of buck shot!”
The National Reporter – How has his presence affected your cows?
“Every morning when that nut job shows up they get all edgy and nervous like they are afraid of him for some reason.”
The National Reporter – What could he be doing that is making them nervous?
“That’s what I was wondering.” Mr. Dooley said. “I wanted to find out what was going on, so I hid in a stack of hay bails with my Polaroid camera ready.”
The National Reporter - Did you photograph him doing anything to the cows?
“I sure did and I got the picture right here.” He said, holding up a Polaroid photograph.
“The National Reporter can have this picture, I got plenty of copies ready for court.” he said.
When this reporter looked at the image I can honestly say I was not surprised at all that Dwights desire to be a cow may be sexual in nature.
Caught in the act! Dwights desire to be a cow may not exactly be in the interest of a trans-species transformation. His real reasons may be sexual in nature.
“Now to make matters worse, I have another problem.” Mr. Dooley said.
The National Reporter – And what is that, Mr. Dooley?
“Right after the ACLU took the nut job’s case, a group of hippys showed up to support him.” He said. “And they are just as crazy as he is, damned foul smelling pot smoking punks. They’re not here today, they usually come during the middle of the week when the rest of the world is working. You come back tomorrow and you will get to meet our charming future leaders.”
The following day The National Reporter returned to Dooleys farm to witness what Mr. Dooley had described as a ‘coven of kooks.’
As soon as I pulled into the driveway in The National Reporter Hum vee, I was greeted with a barrage of monotone chanting coming from several young people who apparently had not seen any soap or the inside of a shower stall in quite some time.
The body odor rising off of these grimey unshaven people was horrendous and they all seemed to be under the influence of some kind of drug, most likely marijuana roofers.
I walked right past them ignoring them the best I could to see why there was a crowd of young men from town crowded around a small enclosure.
I soon found out why.
A group of bare chested young women were demonstrating for trans-species rights and Dwight Haskel was doing his cow thing with some cows right behind them.
A short while later a local news crew arrived and began video taping the trashy show for their evening news.
Later in the afternoon more news crews began arriving to do the same.
As I watched the media circus swell, I started to see what a farce the whole thing really was and began putting the pieces together.
Dwight Haskel was obviously caught acting out some sort of bizarre sexual fetish where he dresses up like a cow and has his way with Ol’ Bessy.
This whole trans-species thing was just a smoke screen to fool the police and cover up his real motive for being in the pasture dressed like a cow when he was arrested.
He wasn’t fooling The National Reporter because we have a knack for spotting phoney storys.
That is why The National Reporter prides itself on reporting the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Bare chested protestors arrived at the farm right after the ACLU took the case.
To date, Dwight Haskel has not been granted his right to be a cow and the battle continues between the ACLU and the district court.
In the meantime, the protestors have been arrving by the bus load and Mr. Dooleys farm is begining to look like a hippy festival.
“I just want this crap to be over with.” He sighed.
© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Encrypted monument carbon dated at 65 million years old unearthed in Belize.
Bizarre monument was unearthed 75 miles west of Belize city.
The National Reporter
A team of archeologists searching for remnants of the meteor that struck the Earth 65 million years ago that is theorised to be responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs, uncovered a bizarre granite monument last week 75 miles west of Belize city.
The huge stone monument, which is made of a type of granite that is not indigenous to South America, has symbols engraved on it that has left scientists completely baffled.
High resolution photographs of the strange markings have been sent to several linguistic labs around the world in the hope that someone might be able to decipher them.
Archeologists examining the 65 million year old stone monument that they had unearthed.
“What we have found is very strange.” Said Professor Williams of Caltech. “Aside from the strange markings, the stone monument is right on top of the K-T boundary which would indicate that it was placed here immediately after the meteor struck the Earth.”
The National Reporter – So, what you are saying is that there may have been humans around at the time?
“What I am saying is that there was some sort of intelligent beings around who survived the meteor strike, this monument is proof of it. ” he said. “Whether or not they were human is the puzzling part of this since the human race didn’t come into existence until millions of years after the event.”
The National Reporter – What about an alien life form?
“There is that possibility, it would be foolish to rule it out.” He said. “When we decode the markings we should have a better idea who placed this here and what it means.”
The National Reporter was personally invited to go down into the dig by the team to get exclusive photographs of the monument and the strange writing.
Close up view of the monuments strange markings
“We trust the The National Reporter for your integrity and for reporting the real story, unlike the tabloids who make things up.” Team member Sally Wostan said. “If they ever got a hold of this story before The National Reporter had a chance to inform the public with the truth, heaven only knows what sort of silliness they would fill their heads with.”
The National Reporter has been granted exclusive rights by the team to report any developments in the mystery surrounding this strange find and we will keep our readers updated on all these findings as they unfold.
© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Apollo 14’s stowaway turtle; dead at age 41
Moonie, the first turtle on the moon.
The National Reporter
Moonie the box turtle who became an over night celebrity in february 1971 when he was discovered hiding aboard the Apollo 14 lunar lander, passed away yesterday at the San Antonio zoo.
He was 41.
Moonie became an international phenomenom in 1971 when he was discovered hiding inside the lunar landers food compartment.
Commander Alan Shepard is seen here playing with Moonie in the weightless lunar lander.
The famous image of Moonie floating in front of Alan Shepard became an over night boom to tee shirt manufacturors world wide and pet stores couldn’t keep up with the demand for box turtles.
Toy companys rushed in to cash in on “Turtlemania” with items such as Mr. Turtle pool.
In 1987 three people were arrested when they tried to kidnap Moonie.
Police found a ransome note on one of the suspects where they were going to demand one million dollars for his return.
All three suspects were convicted of attempted extortion and served eight years in federal prison.
Child enjoying her Mister Turtle pool in this 1971 television ad.
The staff at the San Antonio zoo were deeply sadened by the loss of their long time friend.
“I can’t believe Moonie is gone.” Sniffed a teary eyed Thelma Tinkerton. “He has been a part of this zoo ever since I was a little girl. I still remember my folks bringing me here to see him right after he came back from the moon. I remember the long lines of excited people waiting to see the first turtle on the moon. He was the main reason why I applied for a job here at the zoo.”
Even though Moonie’s unplanned trip to the moon four decades ago is a forgotten piece of history today, Moonie will live on in the hearts of the people who remember his famous trip.
He will be buried in the zoo’s animal cemetary along side of other notable denizens of the wild kingdom underneith a granite stone with a bronze plaque thanks to funds from NASA and the good people of San Antonio.
God speed Moonie, we will miss you.
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Shocking Kennedy secret revealed; the tale of Ted’s tail.
The National Reporter
A secret that has been kept from the public for over 77 years has been exposed by a close confidant of the Kennedy clan.
The whistle blower, (who wishes to remain anonymous) has supplied The National Reporter with shocking unretouched photographs of Ted Kennedy taken at various times during his life.
What these photographs reveal has never been seen by anyone outside of the Kennedys tightly guarded political circle, until now.
As you can plainly see in these following unretouched photographs of Edward Kennedy, he had a condition known as Sacrococcygeal teratoma.
In laymans terms,..Ted Kennedy had a tail.
In this unretouched photograph, you can see Ted's tail protruding from under his suit in plain sight of the people behind him.
Photograph of Ted's tail in plain sight before being removed from the photograph with a computer imaging program.
This unflattering photo of the late senator was never shown until his tail was air brushed out of the image.
© The National Reporter, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Alison Angel flattens mugger
Dainty adult film star Alison Angel at home.
The National Reporter
Alison Angel, the petite beauty and star of several adult films was attacked outside of her home over the weekend by an obsessed fan.
Alison Angel is the second adult film star who has been in the news this week.
Read more here.
Gianna Michaels lands 1200 pound shark
“I was out in my garden watering my tomato plants when this guy came up from behind out of no where and put his arms around me.” Miss Angel told us.
The National Reporter - What did you do?
“Well at first I was scared, but my karate training kicked in and I grabbed his arms and threw him over my shoulder.” she said.
Alison has been taking karate lessons from long time friend and co-adult film star Gianna Michael’s.
Alison holds a brown belt and she expects to be promoted to black belt early next year.
The National Reporter - What happened after you threw him to the ground?
“I thought he was knocked out at first because he just layed there for a few seconds. But then he got up and came at me again. That was when I really layed into him with a few round house kicks and a flurry of punches.” She said.
The National Reporter – Were you scared at all?
“Not at first, I just reacted and let my Karate training take over. The next thing I knew he was laying on the ground unconcience and I ran inside to call the police.”The mugger has been identified as 24-year-old Abdul Mustafa, who had recently immigrated to the U.S. from Pakistan.
Police have disclosed that he is a registered sex offender in Pakistan and had been imprisoned seven times for rape and child molestation before he immigrated to the U.S. last year.Abdul Mustafa after being beat up by petite adult film star, Alison Angel.
When The National Reporter showed Miss angel the photograph of her attacker taken at the county jail, she let out a quiet girlish giggle.
“Oh my goodness,..did I do that?” she said.
She seemed kind of surprised at the severity of the facial injures that she had inflicted on him.Ooops,..I guess I don't know my own strength.
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Frankenstein robs Fort Lauderdale bank.
The National Reporter
47-year-old Robert Jeffreys has been roaming the streets of Fort Lauderdale Florida dressed like Frankensteins monster since he had a bad reaction to LSD when was 16 years old.
Local residents were amused at first, but in the past few years his shenanigans have gone from amusing to down right frightening.
What started out as harmless fun soon became a serious psychosis.
He really believed that he was Frankenstein.
His first violent out burst was recorded on video tape at Fort Lauderdale’s busy Coral Ridge mall.
He was video taped walking through the mall which he did everyday since he was 16 when he suddenly grabbed a small child and tried to drop her in the fountain.
Mall security guards quickly grabbed him and escorted him out of the mall and banned him from coming back.
Robert Jefferys is shown here walking through the Coral Ridge mall moments before he grabbed the child.
For the next two weeks the streets of fort Lauderdale were void of Roberts Jefferys daily strolls dressed like Frankenstiens monster.
Then in the early hours of December 18th, he reappeared in the lobby of the Colonial bank with a more sinister motive in mind other than to scare people with his monster costume.
He came to rob the bank.
“Everyone knows Robert, he’s a nut that dresses like Frankenstien and walks around town trying to look scary.” Robbery witness Tim Howell told us. “I always thought he was harmless until now. It was really wierd, he didn’t have a gun or anything.
He just thought that the tellers were going to hand the money over to him because he was dressed like Frankenstien and they would be terrorfied.
He just stood there grunting and saying gimmie money, me want money,..gimmie money!!”
Me want money,..gimme money! he grunted
“No one said anything, everyone thought he was just fooling around like he always does.
Then when the security guard walked over to tell him to leave, he swatted him aside with his arm and stomped towards the counter.
That was when we realised that he had finally gone over the edge and completely lost his mind.”
The teller hit the silent alarm button when Robert started roaring insanely and climbed over the counter.
He rolled over the counter and fell to the floor and struggled to get to his feet for a minute or two, he had a hard time because of his extra-large Frankenstein boot with the half-foot lift bottoms.
Once he got to his feet he began scooping up cash and stuffing it into his Frankenstein jacket.
When he had filled his jacket, he roared at the tellers and the customers again and climbed back over the counter to make his get away.
He was grabbed by police and the FBI seconds after he walked out side and arrested.
Robert Jeffreys AKA, Frankenstein, being led away by police and the FBI after his unsuccessful bank robbery.
When he was brought into court for his arraignment, he had to strapped to a wheel chair because he had become increasingly violent while in custody.
Judge Ernest Goldman said he had never seen such a deranged individual in all his 36 years on the bench.
Roberts defence attorney is expected to enter the insanity plea.
Robert Jeffreys AKA, Frankenstein, being rolled into court for his arraignment.
Mr. Jeffreys is still in jail under suicide watch.
Judge Goldman has set his bail at 1 million dollars.
The National Reporter will be on hand to cover his trial when it comes up in mid July.
© The National Reporter, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The National Reporter with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
